Chapter 746: Collection of Short Anecdotes
【Street Interview】
Street interview (Non-plot version)
Q: Hello, how many points would you give your own looks?
Bai Xue thought seriously, counting on his fingers and looking up: “…….7.82?”
Q: Hello, how many points would you give this person’s looks?
Dan Zhu glanced lazily: “Not bad by ordinary people’s standards, but far worse than me… I’ll reluctantly give a 2.”
Q: How many points would you give your own looks?
Dan Zhu giggled: “Needless to say, 10, of course.”
Q: Hello, how many points would you give this person’s looks?
Chen Cheng sneered, “0! A woman reeking of corpse stench has the nerve to participate? She disgusts me to death.”
Q: How many points would you give your own looks?
Chen Cheng said resolutely, “9.999!”
Q: Hello, how many points would you give this person’s looks?
Hugo: “8.”
Q: How many points would you give your own looks?
Hugo: “8.”
Q: Hello, how many points would you give this person’s looks?
Orange Candy stood on tiptoe and glanced at the photo. Her face contorted for a second:
“…….Huh? Him? All he ever does is try to act cool—posing, posing, and just posing. Acting cool, my ass. He’s ugly as hell—minus 10 points!!”
Q: How many points would you give your own looks?
Orange Candy tilted her head to think and smiled: “10? Disagreements will be mashed into red bean paste. Hehe.”
Q: Hello, how many points would you give this person’s looks?
Wen Jianyan: “Who? Oh, Orange Candy, she just called me and said she’d kill me if I didn’t give her 10 points.”
Q: How many points would you give your own looks?
Wen Jianyan smiled and leaned closer, eyes curving. “Guess?”
Q: Hello, how many points would you give this person’s looks?
Wu Zhu slowly raised his head: “Where did the photo come from?”
Q: You don’t need to worry about that; this is our… wait, wait, what is this? Ahhhhhhhhh!
【KTV】
Wen Jianyan: Average skills but a killer voice, extremely good at dodging high notes, and using drowning eyes and his voice to make everyone not notice that he is actually not very good at singing.
Wu Zhu: Completely unable to sing, but extremely good at grabbing the mic. The first time he went to KTV and was figuring out the screen, he smashed the machine, causing Wen Jianyan to pay a large sum of money.
Orange Candy: Mic hog, tone-deaf, and howling like ghosts and wolves, but her self-confidence is bursting. Weapon-grade. As long as she gets the mic, she will make everyone in the private room wish they were dead.
Chen Cheng: Surprisingly good at singing. Sings low notes very well; privately, he even knows a little bit of artsy guitar and bass; really can’t judge a book by its cover. Normal people would refuse to split the bill with him.
Su Cheng: Amateur level, but will smile and add songs that everyone is not good at to the playlist; this guy is very sinister.
Bai Xue: The silent fruit-plate-eating contestant. Tone-deaf; even if a microphone is forced into his hand and he really can’t refuse, he will only blush and hum along softly in a low voice.
Hugo: The silent fruit-plate-eating contestant. But if he really can’t refuse, he will sing; his singing voice is surprisingly very gentle.
Yun Bilan: Tone-deaf contestant x2, doesn’t grab the mic, but if she gets in the mood and the mic is in her hand, no one can take it away. If Orange Candy is also in the same private room, it will produce doubled lethality.
Qi Qian: Singing level is average, but has a somewhat hoarse, unique voice and is very good at songs with a sense of story. Because he is too career-minded, every time he comes, he tries to talk about serious business, so he is quickly shut out.
【Kissing】
Wen Jianyan’s favorite place to be kissed is his forehead, because this action is very tender and affectionate, rarely felt in his memory.
His least favorite place to be kissed is the line from behind the ear to the neck, because it is the most sensitive. When Wu Zhu kisses it, he can’t help shivering, and it’s easy for things to get out of hand if he’s not careful.
Wu Zhu’s favorite place to be kissed is his lips, because he has heavy oral desires. So once he has something he likes, he wants to bite it with his teeth.
There’s no place he doesn’t want to be kissed by Wen Jianyan.
If we have to count, it might be the left side of his chest, because there are scars that are hard to heal on it. It doesn’t look good, and he’s worried Wen Jianyan won’t like it.
【Cold vs Hot】
Wu Zhu’s body temperature is not high, somewhat like a snake, a cold-blooded animal. Wen Jianyan is terribly afraid of the heat. As soon as summer comes, he really likes to be close to him, tightly wrapping his arms and legs around him, like a large human-shaped ice pillow.
But when winter arrives, he heartlessly starts complaining that Wu Zhu is cold.
He’d rather wrap himself in three layers inside and out than snuggle up with him.
But he forgot that Wu Zhu, no matter what, is also a god of “fire.”
So that night he was pressed down and made to do some activities that easily warmed him up.
Then he was burned so hot that he cried to the heavens and wailed loudly.
【Valentine’s Day】
Part 1
Wu Zhu furrowed his brows, his expression solemn and suppressed, striding over from a distance, looking scary enough to frighten anyone.
He stopped in front of Wen Jianyan for the third time today.
He stared intently at Wen Jianyan, light flickering in the depths of his eyes, seeming eager to say something or do something.
Wen Jianyan: ?
Before he could ask the question out loud, he saw Wu Zhu suddenly lower his head, avoiding his gaze, and then stuff something into his hand.
After doing all this, he turned around again and left like the wind.
Wen Jianyan lowered his head and looked at the third gem in his palm today.
The first time was a topaz.
The second time was a ruby.
This time it’s a sapphire.
“……”
Every time, Wu Zhu rushed over with a solemn face, stood blankly in front of him for a few seconds, stuffed a gem into his hand, and then left as hurriedly as he came.
Finally, on the fourth time, Wen Jianyan grabbed his swiftly:
“Although I really like this game of getting a gift just by reaching out…”
The arm under his palm stiffened slightly.
“But now I’m more or less getting tired of playing it.”
He narrowed his eyes and looked up at the other party thoughtfully:
Wu Zhu avoided his gaze—from this angle, Wen Jianyan saw his slightly red earlobes, and suddenly a flash of inspiration hit him:
“What exactly is my real gift?”
“…………” Wu Zhu’s expression was tense, his eyes flickering and conflicted. However, under Wen Jianyan’s aggressive stare, he finally backed down—as if he had lost a battle. His shoulders slumped; he fished a piece of paper out of his pocket and hesitantly handed it over.
Wen Jianyan took it and took a look.
Two characters were written on it, stroke by stroke and crookedly.
Love letter.
Part 2
Wen Jianyan fancied himself an elegant and considerate lover, a holiday expert. On such a crucial day as today, naturally, he had prepared all his surprises early in the morning.
Scented candles, rose petals on the ground, high-end luxury chocolates, carefully wrapped gift boxes…
He stared at the meticulously decorated room in front of him and turned his head guiltily to look behind him.
Wu Zhu hadn’t come back yet.
He took a deep breath, stepped forward, and stealthily pulled a flat box out from under the bed.
It was very light. Wen Jianyan didn’t even need to open it to know how flimsy the bit of fabric inside was, as if it were nothing at all—a wave of embarrassment rushed straight up from behind his ears—he really didn’t know what kind of ghost possessed him yesterday to actually buy this thing—
He heard his own heartbeat pounding wildly in his ears.
The thin piece of paper in his pocket felt heavy.
Wen Jianyan looked left and right, his expression struggling, and he finally placed the box under the roses.
Forget it…
Anyway, Valentine’s Day only comes once a year.
It won’t hurt.
[Another kind of first time that wasn’t written out.]
The first time doing it, Wen Jianyan was on top. He straddled Wu Zhu, red and hot from his face to his neck, clumsily unbuttoning his own shirt while being kissed out of breath.
As a result, as soon as his hand reached down, he chickened out.
Just as he wanted to retreat, he was grabbed by the waist and pressed back down.
Wu Zhu: “Are you scared?”
Wen Jianyan was stubborn: “How is that possible? I just feel like this time is not quite right.”
Wu Zhu: “How is it not right? I think it’s very right.”
The other party’s face was too close; Wen Jianyan was somewhat overwhelmed. He was dizzy and lustfully nodded his head: “Fine, let’s do it.”
“But doing it directly will probably cause injuries; it needs some prep work beforehand.”
“Do you know about dilation? Do you know about lubrication?”
“You don’t know, right? Then shut up and just wait.”
But actually… Wen Jianyan’s knowledge was only limited to knowing about it.
He took on so much responsibility mainly because he was a coward and afraid the other party would hurt him, so he insisted on doing it himself. He forced himself to squeeze in two fingers, and as a result, he was in so much pain that he was sweating profusely and his face turned pale.
Wu Zhu watched for a while and had more or less figured out the other party’s nature of being fierce in appearance but faint in heart, all talk and no action.
Wu Zhu: “Can you really do it?”
Wen Jianyan flew into a rage out of humiliation: “Shut up, say another word, and we’re not doing it.”
Although his mouth was stubborn, by the time it got to the third finger, he absolutely couldn’t take it anymore. No pleasure at all, just pain.
Fu-ck, why is it completely different from the legends?
So Wen Jianyan started to back down again: “Today’s condition isn’t right; how about we wait until next time…”
As a result, before he finished speaking, he felt something slippery and slimy suddenly squeeze in through the gaps of his fingers. He was so shocked that his pupils dilated, looking at Wu Zhu in astonishment, unable to speak.
Wu Zhu: “It’s fine; I’m in good condition.”
At the same time, pitch-black tentacles wrapped around Wen Jianyan’s ankles and slithered straight up his legs.
Great, lubrication and dilation were surprisingly all done at once.
Wen Jianyan never imagined in his life that this thing could actually secrete mucus outwards and wriggle inside like it was alive, burning him so hot that he suddenly curled up and shivered like a shrimp.
Wu Zhu reached down to touch and leaned over to kiss him again.
See, aren’t you in condition now too?
