The Yu family’s two-year-old daughter, Minmin, was at full-time daycare. The nanny washed and chopped the vegetables, marinated the fish, cooked the rice, and then took her leave.
Yu Jingzhong personally cooked a dish of “three delicacies,” steamed a perch, and made a soup with bones and tofu. As he was serving the rice, Yan Lanyu finally came upstairs and silently placed the car keys on the cabinet in the entryway.
“Let’s eat,” Deputy Chief Yu said, too embarrassed to look at the expression on Yan Lanyu’s face.
The two ate in silence across from each other. One went to the study to work, the other used an iPad in the living room to look things up. The atmosphere in the house was deliberately silent, as if the confession downstairs had never happened.
Time passed quickly in the silence. When it was time for bed, Yu Jingzhong returned to his bedroom and peeked through the crack in the door to see that the light in the living room was still on.
…What is he thinking?
Deputy Chief Yu sat on the bed and pondered for a while, trying to use the powerful logical thinking ability of a long-time special agent head to analyze the current situation through deduction and intelligence analysis. But his mind was a tangled mess, even more complicated than planning an overseas espionage operation.
I guess I’m a toad lusting after a swan’s flesh… Deputy Chief Yu thought with self-deprecation, then washed up and went to bed by himself.
In the middle of the night, Yu Jingzhong was awakened by a strange feeling. He groggily opened his eyes and saw Yan Lanyu sitting by the bed, leaning over him.
Yu Jingzhong sat up in astonishment, but was immediately pushed back down by Yan Lanyu and kissed. At the same time, his warm fingers seemed to be holding something sharp, pressing it against his chest.
“You…”
The question was drowned out by the entanglement of lips and tongues. Yu Jingzhong’s mind was a blur of clarity and confusion, an indescribable feeling. In the chaos, he only vaguely felt that the sharp object was being pierced into his flesh, followed by a hot slide, completely entering his chest.
…What is this? Is he trying to harm me?
No, no, if he wanted to harm me, I would have been dead long ago. This is…
Yu Jingzhong had no more time to think. As if bewitched, his body uncontrollably raised its hands to grab Yan Lanyu. They both tumbled onto the large bed, their bare skin pressing against each other, making every nerve ending tremble with excitement.
“What was that?” In between breaths, Yu Jingzhong managed to gather the last bit of his sanity and asked, “What did you put…”
The bedroom curtains were slightly drawn. Moonlight sprinkled on the bedsheets. A strange glimmer flickered deep in Yan Lanyu’s eyes.
“It’s the mirror’s heart,” he said softly.
“It’s half of my heart.”
·
That night, Yu Jingzhong dreamed of the sea. He was in the waves, drifting involuntarily with the currents. At high tide, he was submerged, seeing whale bones slowly blooming like flowers in the depths of the ocean. At low tide, he was gently lifted to the surface by the waves, and when he looked up, he could see the dazzling, mesmerizing starlight.
The wind, with a slight salty tang, swept across the sea, carrying a faint call, as if someone was calling his name.
Yu Jingzhong tried his best to lift his head out of the sea. An intense urge from an unknown source made him search everywhere, but the voice was like a game of hide-and-seek, intermittent, disappearing every time he just about locked onto a direction.
When the tide rose and Yu Jingzhong was submerged in the seawater, that painful cry for help sounded again, seeming to grow more sorrowful and desperate with the long wait.
“Where are you?”
Yu Jingzhong shouted in the water, but only a string of bubbles came out.
“Who are you?”
The tide rose and fell, the wind howled incessantly, and that call finally came again, faintly.
Yu Jingzhong, with a strength from nowhere, suddenly swam powerfully to the surface. He saw flames seemingly burning on the water not far away.
A person was tied to a wooden frame in the flames, their body barely clothed, covered in blood. Their head hung limply, making it impossible to tell if they were alive or dead.
For some reason, a trembling rage suddenly swept through Yu Jingzhong’s heart. He shouted and swam toward the flames, but no matter how he struggled, he couldn’t get any closer to the roaring fire.
In the next moment, countless pale, withered ghostly claws suddenly stretched out from the sea of fire, scrambling to grab the person tied to the wooden frame, about to drag him down into the dark abyss of the deep sea…
“Wait!” Yu Jingzhong screamed hoarsely. “Wait, no—!”
Blood-wrapped flames whooshed up, spreading into a boundless inferno. The person was about to fall in. At the last second, he lifted his head and looked at Yu Jingzhong in the distant sea.
In that instant, the picture froze. His face was incredibly familiar.
—It was the face of an adult Yan Lanyu!
Yu Jingzhong was stunned. In the next second, a tsunami rose from the ground and crashed down, pushing him into the abyss!
·
“—Ah!”
Yu Jingzhong sat up abruptly, momentarily blinded by the light.
The sky was already bright, and the chirping of birds could be heard from outside. It had snowed last night, and the sun reflecting off the snow was dazzlingly white.
Yu Jingzhong panted slightly. After a moment, he got out of bed, leaving wet footprints on the floor. Only then did he realize he was soaked in cold sweat.
He went to the bathroom and looked at his own face in the mirror, subconsciously recalling the dream.
The adult Yan Lanyu…
Yu Jingzhong washed his face with cold water, which finally cleared his head. He turned to look at the messy bed in the bedroom.
Although that incredibly real nightmare had left a shadow in his subconscious, Yan Lanyu’s actions last night… should mean he had agreed, right?
Yu Jingzhong rubbed his temples, quickly washed up, shaved, and changed into a shirt and slacks. He tiptoed out and peeked into Yan Lanyu’s bedroom as he passed by, surprised to find no one there.
Where did he go?
“Morning.”
Yu Jingzhong whipped his head around and saw Yan Lanyu sitting at the breakfast table, where there was porridge, pickled vegetables, and a fried egg.
“Mor… morning.”
Yu Jingzhong cleared his throat and walked to the table to sit down. He saw that Yan Lanyu was looking at something on his iPad.
He also had to go to Unit 547 for duty later, but he didn’t have as many dress code restrictions as Yu Jingzhong, so he just wore a light gray sweater. The neck exposed by the collar looked exceptionally delicate and fair, almost dazzling.
“This… did you make this?”
“Yeah.”
Yu Jingzhong took a few sips of porridge and belatedly realized, “You’ve already eaten?”
“Yeah.”
The atmosphere returned to a slightly awkward silence. Deputy Chief Yu wanted to say something but was too embarrassed. He wanted to flirt but didn’t know how. He could only focus on finishing his breakfast, put down his bowl and chopsticks, grabbed the car keys, and said, “Then let’s go…”
“I have something to tell you.”
Yu Jingzhong was slightly taken aback. He saw Yan Lanyu put down his iPad. From the corner of his eye, he saw that it was a rental ad for a place within Beijing’s Fourth Ring Road!
“What you told me yesterday, I am very grateful, and I have seriously considered it for a long time. I am very willing to maintain our current state, but I cannot take it a step further into a romantic relationship… This is for the best for both of us.”
Yu Jingzhong was a bit stunned. It took him several seconds to react. “Do you know what you’re saying?”
Yan Lanyu didn’t answer.
“You mean, you don’t want to have a serious relationship with me, but you’re willing to maintain a friends-with-benefits relationship?” Yu Jingzhong was in chaos. “What are you thinking?”
Yan Lanyu still didn’t speak, only staring intently at the fine texture of the checkered tablecloth, not even blinking.
After a long while, Yu Jingzhong was getting a bit frustrated. Only then did he finally take a deep breath and say slowly, “If you are willing to understand it that way… yes, that’s what I mean.”
“…”
“At the same time, thank you for taking me in during this time. But I’m an adult now and have an income. It’s not right for me to continue living here like this. I’ve already found an apartment near the unit. If nothing unexpected happens, I’ll be moving over soon.”
Yan Lanyu suddenly closed his eyes. When he opened them again a moment later, he stood up and walked toward the door.
“Wait!” Yu Jingzhong couldn’t help but stand up and ask, “Did I do something wrong? Or are you dissatisfied with me? If so, just tell me directly. You don’t have to worry about what I think…”
“No.” Yan Lanyu said, his voice sounding incredibly sad for some reason. “That’s not the reason… Actually, I like you very much too.”
·
For the next few days, Yu Jingzhong was very dejected, completely out of sorts.
Fortunately, there was less work during the New Year, and most of the people in the Special Department were on vacation, so this situation did not cause any mistakes at work. But for someone in Yu Jingzhong’s position, social engagements during the holidays were unavoidable. Who in officialdom wasn’t a shrewd person? Almost everyone noticed Deputy Chief Yu’s abnormality overnight.
The more considerate ones said Deputy Chief Yu was overworked and stressed, aging prematurely. The more caustic ones simply suspected if he had some problem in a certain aspect from being single for too long, otherwise why would he have a face like the whole world owed him five million.
After the New Year, a red-headed document came from above. Due to his outstanding performance in the Beijing Dead Qi Sea incident and the H-City alien race invasion incident, as well as his quick and accurate stance during the turmoil in the National Security, Deputy Chief Yu Jingzhong was promoted beyond his grade to Deputy Director of the Twelfth Bureau of National Security under the Special Department, enjoying deputy ministerial-level treatment.
At Yu Jingzhong’s age, this position was considered high and powerful, and he instantly became a hotshot in the National Security system. Overnight, he received countless congratulatory messages from the capital and various local administrative and security systems, as well as from the Heavenly Realm and Hell. He was truly in the limelight.
However, the newly appointed Deputy Director Yu Jingzhong did not show much enthusiasm.
He sat in his office, watching the cigarette in his hand burn brightly and then extinguish, burning to the end in the lingering smoke.
…
“I like you very much too…”
“I am willing to maintain our current state, but I cannot take it a step further into a romantic relationship…”
“This is for the best for both of us.”
Damn it, it’s good for me, but what’s good for you? Wasting your precious youth in your teens on me, and you don’t want anything in return. This is clearly a mindset of repaying a kindness. You don’t like me but are too embarrassed to refuse me!
Yu Jingzhong gritted his teeth and stubbed out the cigarette on a waste document, letting out a long breath.
·
A few days after the New Year, Yan Lanyu indeed found a place and moved out.
The newly promoted Deputy Director Yu had fallen for the eighteen-year-old Yan Lanyu, and there was nothing he could do about it. After several failed attempts to persuade him, he could only help pack Yan Lanyu’s limited luggage and take him to the newly rented small apartment. Looking at the empty room with only basic furniture, a sense of frustration welled up inside him.
“What are you having for dinner?” Yu Jingzhong asked, opening the empty refrigerator.
Yan Lanyu said, “I’ll order takeout.”
Yu Jingzhong’s face turned ashen. He went downstairs to the supermarket and carried back rice, oil, meat, and vegetables. He then added pots, bowls, and chopsticks one by one, checked the doors, windows, and gas, and repeatedly and irritably adjusted the misaligned lock on the bathroom door.
He was like a parent sending their child off for the first time. Before leaving, countless trivial matters were laid out before him. He worried about every single one, and every one was important. He wished he could have an extra seventy-two hours out of thin air so he could arrange everything in detail.
Yan Lanyu repeatedly said it wasn’t necessary, but before he left, he still cooked a full three dishes and one soup, even wrapping them in plastic wrap and putting them in the refrigerator, afraid that if he left them on the table, Yan Lanyu would forget about them, and they would spoil after a few days and give him diarrhea.
“It’s not far from home. You can come back on weekends. I can still pick you up and drop you off from work on weekdays. Close the doors and windows when you sleep at night, don’t wander around outside. It’s chaotic outside during the holidays!”
Deputy Chief Yu lectured while changing his shoes at the door. Yan Lanyu stood in the entryway, the dim light making his silent profile look indistinct.
“Also,” Yu Jingzhong paused and added, “although you said something last time about keeping our current relationship unchanged, I’ve seriously considered it. We can’t do that.”
Yan Lanyu looked up. For a moment, the expression in his eyes was indescribable.
It was as if a transparent surface was covered with fine cracks, about to shatter into countless pieces of thin ice.
“You’re still young. You don’t know how bad this is for your future. If we were really living together, it would be one thing. But messing around with me for a few years without a clear status will cause you a lot of trouble in the future, whether you’re continuing your studies or working. It’ll be enough to make you suffer.”
“My feelings for you are still the same,” Yu Jingzhong rarely showed a hint of sadness. “But I’m older than you, so I can’t be too selfish and take advantage of you while you’re still young and naive… I still have the same thought. Even if you fall in love with someone else in the future, you must be open about it and live a serious life. Those who mess around without a clear status all end up breaking up.”
Yan Lanyu stared at him blankly.
Under that gaze, Yu Jingzhong was a little dazed. He couldn’t help but reach out, wanting to stroke the young man’s delicate cheek.
—However, just before their skin touched, he suddenly came to his senses and awkwardly withdrew his hand.
“Ahem, that’s it then.” Deputy Chief Yu pretended to look at the sky outside and said, “I… I’ll go first. I still have to pick up Minmin.”
·
Yu Jingzhong almost stumbled as he rushed downstairs, got into his car, and drove off.
This was a semi-new neighborhood. It was already late, and there was no one on the road, only a few cars parked not far away. The withered grass shriveled in the cold winter. The swings in the green belt not far away were empty, only the remnants of firecrackers scattered on the ground.
Yu Jingzhong didn’t start the car immediately. He just sat in the car, his gaze weathered and gloomy.
What if Yan Lanyu really fell in love with someone else?
Yu Jingzhong had once thought that when he retired, he would divide his property in half, giving one half to Minmin and the other to Yan Lanyu. Although it wasn’t much, it would at least allow him to live a carefree life in Beijing. If the person he found in the future couldn’t afford a house in Beijing, at least the two of them wouldn’t be homeless.
But now that he thought about it, if Yan Lanyu found someone else in the future, could he really be that understanding and carefree, without any resentment?
Yu Jingzhong looked at the darkening sky, and for the first time, a feeling like jealousy grew in his heart. He was jealous of that stranger who only existed in the future. He was jealous of the unreserved love that person would receive from Yan Lanyu. He was jealous of the happy times they would spend together. In that time, he saw himself, alone and approaching death.
Yu Jingzhong let out a long sigh and subconsciously reached for a cigarette, but couldn’t find a lighter anywhere.
Did I lose it on the road, or did I not bring it out today?
Deputy Chief Yu was extremely frustrated. He slammed his fist on the steering wheel and then simply chewed and ate the tobacco.
·
Working in a place like National Security, while it couldn’t be said that there was no personal space, personal space was very limited. Yan Lanyu’s new address was quickly filed in the organization, and so everyone in the Special Department knew—this sad piece of gossip spread like a spring breeze across the country. Overnight, everyone heard that their boss, successful in his career but unlucky in love, had been dumped right after being promoted.
Some sympathized with Deputy Chief Yu, while others felt that a ten-plus-year age difference was indeed inappropriate. Still others—for example, comrade Shen Wan—felt they could finally pursue the true love of their life with confidence. So he sent telegrams from Tibet to Beijing three times a day, but unfortunately, Yan Lanyu didn’t receive a single one. They were all intercepted by Yu Jingzhong.
Yan Lanyu went to work and came home under everyone’s watchful eyes, quiet as ever, like a flower blooming unnoticed in a dark corner. Deputy Chief Yu began to insist on picking him up and dropping him off every day, but over time, with occasional overtime and business trips, their schedules were hard to coordinate. Yan Lanyu gradually got used to going back to his small rented apartment by himself.
The incident happened about half a month later.
At that time, Deputy Chief Yu had been secretly dispatched to a certain place in Jiangxi for official business. Yan Lanyu took a taxi home after work. One day, he found a cardboard courier box at his door.
It was just an ordinary courier box, yellow cardboard, with a lot of tape messily stuck on it. At first, Yan Lanyu thought his small potted plant from Taobao had arrived. He bent down to pick it up and instantly froze.
—The courier slip was written in Japanese. The item was listed as “Birthday Gift,” and the sender was named Amano Kishishi.
Amano Kishishi.
Almost no one in Japan knew this was that person’s real name. Even in the world of onmyoji, this name was rarely mentioned. However, Yan Lanyu knew who he was.
In the Esoteric Sect, people would only address the owner of this name with reverence and submission as—
Headmaster.
