Edited
The next morning, when Zhang Shun woke up, his brother was standing bare-chested with his back to him, facing the bathroom mirror.
At first, Zhang Shun thought his brother was shaving, and was instantly shocked: His brother could actually grow stubble! How down-to-earth!
Then he immediately realized he was putting in contact lenses, and let out a breath of relief. His brother was still that familiar figure, not suddenly becoming worldly just because the two brothers had shared a bed for a night.
“Bro!” Zhang Shun yawned and asked, “Which little miss did you summon to your bed last night? They’ve got quite the spicy mouth on them, huh?”
Chu He picked up his shirt and put it on, buttoning it up with a deadpan expression. “You’ll die one day from that mouth of yours that knows no bounds.”
Zhang Shun had one virtue: he rarely got angry. When things happened, he’d laugh them off and move on. Everyone around him knew this. Although Second Young Master Zhang was a good-for-nothing playboy who couldn’t be helped, he was at least good-tempered. He never did any of that bullying-men-and-women business. Even if someone defied him to his face, he’d curse a few words offhandedly and forget about it five minutes later.
When it came to his older brother, who had long held sway in the family, there was even less to say. Zhang Shun scratched his head, lazily climbing out of bed to ask, “I’m going to find a master to cleanse the house today. What are you doing, bro? Want to come along?”
Chu He’s expression changed. “Don’t go bringing all that superstitious nonsense into the house for no reason!”
“Aww—Master Fang on Xinglong Street is famous throughout the entire northeast. Our house was haunted last night…”
“For a business family, feng shui is not something to be casually tampered with,” Chu He rebuked mercilessly. “If you’ve got nothing better to do, go chase girls or get into fights for all I care. Just don’t bring those monks and Taoist priests into the house!”
Zhang Shun pursed his lips. “Fine, I got it.”
Only then did his brother’s expression soften. He went to the wardrobe and picked out a thin black tie, tying it as he said, “A Japanese consortium is coming to the city under the banner of a religious exchange visit to invest. Supposedly they want to build a five-star hotel in the Sanlitun development zone. Mayor Huang specifically asked our company to come along and receive them. I might not be back for dinner.”
That last sentence struck a chord. Zhang Shun thought with some sentiment that it had been a long time since the brothers had eaten dinner together. He had just been about to say, Then I won’t go out to play tomorrow night, let’s eat at home together, when he saw his brother pick up his jacket and walk out the door, stride steady and dashing, not even leaving behind a goodbye.
“…” Zhang Shun said, “I really shouldn’t have been so cheap.”
Second Young Master Zhang came downstairs yawning to eat, exchanged a few cheeky grins with the old butler, teased the new little maid, then tossed down his chopsticks, got into his newly bought Ferrari, and strolled out the door.
Although he had promised his brother not to engage in feudal superstition at home, Second Young Master Zhang had only said that. In reality, he was dead set on inviting a “high master” to come take a good look at the house’s feng shui. He had felt for some time that things at home weren’t quite peaceful. Several of the prosperity goldfish raised in the front courtyard pond had died. Rumors circulated among the servants about seeing white shadows in the hallway several times. Not to mention the warehouse in the back courtyard, which had always been gloomy and eerie—even the old butler had secretly told him that at night he heard ghostly wailing from inside, so terrifying that even the German shepherd guard dogs stopped barking.
These days, two types of people were the most superstitious: wealthy businessmen and intellectuals. Although Second Young Master Zhang was a playboy, he hadn’t slacked off in his studies back then. Countless special-grade teachers and private tutors had sent him, cradled like stars around the moon, to a top national university. After graduation, he went to his grandparents abroad and got a master’s degree—and that wasn’t a bought-and-paid-for master’s, but a hard-won diploma from a prestigious foreign university that he had tested into fair and square, pulling all-nighters to write his thesis to successfully graduate. If his father hadn’t fallen gravely ill back then, forcing him to abandon his studies and return home, Second Young Master Zhang would have at least managed to get a PhD from a prestigious university by now.
Therefore, Second Young Master Zhang checked both boxes, and was all the more a believer in these mystical things.
Halfway there, Zhang Shun called one of his diehard cronies, the nephew of the city’s top official Mayor Huang—Huang Pian—and opened with a breezy: “Hey, Huang Pianr1, which little floozy’s bed are you curled up in? Get your ass out here, I’ve got proper business for you!”
Huang Pian snapped, “You’re the one curled up in a floozy’s bed! This lord was drinking the Environmental Bureau bastards under the table until midnight last night! What do you want? Spit it out or I’m hanging up!”
“Hey hey hey—don’t hang up, don’t hang up. I’m asking you, is that Master Fang you said you’d introduce me to last time still available to see today?”
“What for?”
“Proper business,” Zhang Shun said gravely. “My house is haunted. I’m inviting the master to come catch the demon.”
Huang Pian had been about to hang up and go back to sleep, but he suddenly got excited upon hearing this. “What demon? Catching what demon?”
Zhang Shun thus held the steering wheel with one hand and the phone with the other, concisely recounting last night’s terrifying scene. Huang Pian clicked his tongue in amazement, repeatedly confirming with Zhang Shun that it wasn’t a midnight nightmare or a prank, before declaring that this excitement was absolutely not to be missed. He would go pick up Master Fang right now and meet up with Zhang Shun.
“But doesn’t your brother hate monks and Taoist priests the most?” Huang Pian asked. “Are you sure your brother has a social engagement tonight? What if he suddenly comes back and embarrasses Master Fang? I can’t afford to lose that face.”
Zhang Shun said, “Don’t worry, Huang Pianr. My brother is going with your uncle to entertain the Japanese investors tonight—he won’t be back until after midnight. We’ll get in and out quickly. Otherwise, I won’t dare sleep at home tonight.”
Huang Pian exploded: “Don’t randomly call me by that nickname!”
Chu He’s eyelid had been twitching all afternoon, but no matter how he calculated, he couldn’t figure out what was happening.
He didn’t know that his good-for-nothing younger brother had already completely thrown his morning warning to the wind.
He was led by a clerk to the sofa in the mayor’s secretariat. The secretary personally brought out a fruit plate and fine cigarettes, then brewed a pot of specially supplied Tieguanyin and served it up, asking with a face full of smiles: “Mayor Huang knows you’re here, but unfortunately he has a teleconference that hasn’t ended yet—please have a seat and rest a while. Shall I go check how much longer it will be?”
Chu He nodded without speaking. Before long, the secretary hurried back, a bit of poorly concealed confusion on his face: “Mayor Huang says please come in quickly.”
Chu He more or less guessed what had happened, but didn’t say much. With a nod, he walked into the office and directly pushed open the heavy wooden door.
The mayor’s office was that standard government-style double suite, with a small reception room outside enclosing an inner study. Chu He shut the door behind him, cutting off the secretary’s curious gaze, and walked around the wide desk to see a plump, glossy-furred yellow weasel, both paws clutching its neck, writhing in agony on the floor.
“Ch-ch-chicken bone stuck in my throat,” Mayor Huang rolled his eyes desperately. “Quick, quick, help me get it out—”
Chu He: “…”
Chu He efficiently picked up the yellow weasel by its back, turned it around, straddled its back with one leg, grabbed its furry nape, and drove his elbow down hard. With a crisp crack, the chicken bone shot straight out of the weasel’s mouth.
“Cough cough cough! Cough cough cough cough cough!” The yellow weasel coughed repeatedly as it resumed human form, its obese belly splayed on the floor, eyes brimming with tears as it asked pitifully, “Do you, do you have to be so rough with me every time?”
“…” Chu He said, “Stay away from me, Fatty.”
Mayor Huang immediately scrambled up from the floor with an agility unbelievable for a fat man, stuffing his tail into his pants as he said with righteous indignation, “Don’t randomly call me by that nickname!—Besides, Mayor Huang isn’t fat, Mayor Huang is voluptuous!”
·
There were many advantages to having a yellow weasel as a local official. In Mayor Huang’s words, if you put a human in the position, who knew how corrupt they’d get? But with him, two chickens a day and he was satisfied.
Of course, there were disadvantages too. For example, the secretary would often smell a strange fried chicken aroma in the mayor’s office, and sometimes chicken feathers of unknown origin, still stained with blood, would appear on the floor.
But of course, compared to these minor drawbacks, Mayor Huang’s virtues were too numerous for the city’s people to list. For instance, when bird flu broke out in the north, Mayor Huang slammed the table and flew into a rage, strictly ordering the Health Commission to conduct a thorough investigation, swiftly guaranteeing the safety and hygiene standards of the city’s poultry meat industry. Or when gutter oil was rampant, Mayor Huang acted with thunderous efficiency, investigating to the very end. To eliminate the hidden danger of collusion between related departments from top to bottom, he didn’t even hesitate to put himself at risk, squatting on the curb every day to personally taste-test the fried chicken from street stalls.
Probably because of his decent official reputation, the Central Monster Management Committee turned a blind eye to Mayor Huang—although they didn’t promote him, at least for several years they hadn’t transferred or demoted him either.
Mayor Huang was still quite pleased with himself, feeling that as a monster, being recognized by humans was truly an honor that brought glory to his ancestors.
To this, Chu He’s response was:
“Stop dreaming. In the Celestial Empire, those from Maoshan origins could line up in a queue, and the National Security Special Office has ten people nine of whom are zombies. Who has the free time to bother with a small-time mayor like you from some backwater?”
Mayor Huang: “… I’m the local parent official, at least leave me some face, will you!”
Parent Official Mayor Huang huffingly transported his massive body into the Red Flag sedan. Because he took up so much space, Chu He nearly couldn’t buckle the seatbelt. He finally managed to dig the buckle out from beneath Mayor Huang’s large backside: “…Old Huang, you really need to lose weight.”
“I lost five jin this week, you know!” Mayor Huang said with a bitter face. “Ever since I heard the news that the Japanese Aida Consortium was coming to invest in our little backwater city, the province keeps sending people down to poach the deal. It’s got me eating poorly and sleeping poorly. My old problems of qi and blood deficiency and nervous exhaustion have all fucking come back!”
Chu He held his breath, fumbling to buckle the seatbelt before letting out a breath of relief.
“You say the Central Monster Committee has no issue with me, so why does the province keep looking at me sideways? Do they know I’m a yellow weasel? Definitely not!—Could it still be because I snatched Mayor Wu’s seat back then? But that was his own damn fault! The collapse of the city center overpass, although there was also the factor of an earth dragon causing trouble, the main reason was still that old bastard Wu and his cronies taking too many kickbacks from the developers. If I hadn’t acted decisively and invited you out from Jinmao Tower to hold down the fort, when the cement foundation collapsed, the several hundred people on that stretch of road at the time would have all lost their lives…”
Mayor Huang skillfully pulled out an oil-paper packet from the side of the car seat, took out a chicken bone, and crunched away at it.
“You say how hard it was for our city to develop from a small county town to what it is now. We finally attracted foreign investment. I, the majestic mayor, was so excited I couldn’t sleep for three days. Speaking of which, it’s all tears! Instead of the province giving us full support and praise, they actually sent people down to poach the deal. Their conscience has been eaten by dogs! Isn’t it just because that old Wu I brought down was the province’s direct line?—And they wanted to secretly contact the foreign merchant behind my back. Luckily I discovered it early. Piss me off and I’ll blast them to death with a fart!”
The corner of Chu He’s mouth twitched almost imperceptibly.
“What kind of people did the province send?”
“Supposedly the Foreign Guest Reception Office.” Mayor Huang said: “A female director surnamed Li, bringing along a pretty boy surnamed Zhou, plus a few clerks. Hmph, they even wanted to come meet the foreign merchant together today. I specifically had someone get them drunk at noon, packed them up, and dumped them in the hotel…”
This Japanese foreign merchant had arrived yesterday and had already been treated to a welcome banquet last night. Mayor Huang’s original intention was to arrange a tour today, show off the city’s robust development momentum, and then set up a sauna in the evening to further cultivate the relationship. But the Japanese side was very efficient, directly proposing to go to the suburban development zone to look at the site, striving to settle the construction site selection within the next couple of days.
To this, Mayor Huang had nothing to say—the sooner the deal was hammered out, the sooner this meat pie fallen from the sky would stop being coveted.
“3.5 billion in foreign capital investment. Maybe after building the hotel, they’ll also build a large leisure and entertainment center nearby.” Fatty Huang finished gnawing the chicken bone, wiped his greasy mouth, and patted Chu He’s shoulder with great seriousness: “Don’t say this brother isn’t looking out for you, CEO Chu. If this project can be secured, I, Great Immortal Huang, will treat you like my own grandfather!”
“…” Chu He said, “Please don’t.”
As they spoke, the Red Flag sedan had already stopped at the entrance to the suburban development center. This area was already some distance from the main road. The surroundings were stretches of empty land. Apart from the temporary exhibition center built when the architectural planning was done, there were only a few hospitals and middle schools very far away. Not far off was a real estate development zone contracted by a construction company. The scaffolding had just gone up, and at the moment it was still pitted and uneven.
The Japanese investor had actually already arrived, surrounded by a group of people, standing by the barbed wire fence around the empty lot, looking at something. No one even noticed the Red Flag sedan pulling up.
Mayor Huang puffed out his chest and belly as he got out of the car, waving with full vigor: “Hey—”
Everyone turned their heads in unison.
Immediately, the exhibition center director, taking advantage of his thin build and nimble physique, pushed through the crowd and rushed over first: “Mayor Huang! Mayor Huang! Something terrible has happened!”
He grabbed Fatty Huang, his entire body shaking: “S-s-s-s-someone jumped off a building!”
Mayor Huang: “What?!”
Chu He immediately got out of the car. He saw that the director was also frightened, trembling in the sweltering heat, beads of sweat as large as beans rolling down his eyebrows too fast to wipe: “That—that construction site next door. Just now someone jumped from up there. I-I-I-I-I saw with my own eyes that they splattered into such a large patch! We just called the police. Thank goodness you’ve come, Mayor. Wh-wh-wh-wh-what should we do…”
Mayor Huang: “What did you say?!”
“The person who jumped was my translator,” a man in an exquisite gray suit walked over from the crowd, reached out and shook Mayor Huang’s hand, and said politely in stiff Chinese: “Just now my translator said he was going to the restroom, and in the blink of an eye he jumped from up there. It was witnessed by everyone present.”
The scene was in complete chaos. Mayor Huang wiped his sweat with one hand, smiling apologetically as he shook the man’s hand, while turning his head to explain to Chu He in a low voice: “This is Mr. Aida Yoshihide, the current head of the Aida Consortium…” while also trying to force himself to remain calm and call out to everyone: “Calm down! Everyone calm down! The police will be here immediately. No one is to touch the scene!”
Chu He’s gaze passed over the crowd, looking toward the construction site, then withdrew and landed on a youth in white robes on the Japanese side.
The youth was only seventeen or eighteen, his features handsome, wearing wide sleeves and a broad robe. With lowered brows and obedient eyes, he followed behind Aida Yoshihide, silent as a ghost.
Yet to Chu He, his presence was extremely vivid—he was wearing hunting robes.
The youth was an onmyōji.
Perhaps noticing Chu He’s gaze, Aida Yoshihide nodded politely and pointed to the youth, introducing him: “This is my nephew. Because he knows a thing or two about catching demons and subduing devils, I brought him along to survey the feng shui of the project and assist with site selection.”
Saying this, he patted Mayor Huang’s thick shoulder with deep meaning and laughed: “—My nephew has a good temperament. He won’t act arbitrarily just because he has some skill, so Mayor, you truly have no need to be afraid, hahaha!”
Among the others caught up in the chaos, no one understood what he meant. But Mayor Huang’s face almost instantly changed.
“M-Mr. Aida is joking,” on the weasel’s fat face, sweat beads the size of soybeans rolled down, his smile almost impossible to maintain: “Hehe—your nephew looks like a promising young talent with a boundless future, hehehehe—”
The young onmyōji stepped forward. Under Mayor Huang’s almost frightened gaze, he bowed respectfully. His voice was a very natural gentleness: “Hello, Mr. Huang. My name is Lan Yu.”
Then he turned toward Chu He. In that instant, he seemed to sense some kind of dangerous aura. His pupils dilated slightly, then contracted.
“…” The young onmyōji placed his left thumb against his right palm, hands clasped, backs of hands facing outward, and bowed in a specialized sorcerer’s greeting: “It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
- 黃翩 (Huang Pian) sounds identical to 黃片 (huángpiàn, “porn film”). ↩︎
