DLRAS Chapter 34

Chapter 34: It is hard to love and hate.

Sliding open the closet door, there was a complete variety of clothes for all four seasons, but they were all Huo Niansheng’s personal belongings. This was his suite, not like the guest rooms downstairs that provided standard hotel linens.

As Chen Wengang hesitated, Huo Niansheng casually took down a hanger and removed the garment from it: “Wear this.”

Chen Wengang took the burgundy bathrobe; it was thick, soft, and showed signs of having been washed.

But there was no underwear; the luggage he had brought was left in the room downstairs.

Huo Niansheng leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, looking at him teasingly: “Going commando?”

Chen Wengang turned to the living room and called the concierge, asking them to send some up.

A bath had already been drawn in the bathroom, steaming with white vapor. The bathtub was so large it was more like a hot spring pool; you had to step down into it. The metal beast-head hot and cold faucets held their heads high, looking imposing.

He sat on the edge of the bathtub and dipped a hand into the water. Steamed by the moisture, it looked even more slender and fair.

The water reflected his face; the ripples undulated, ready to shatter at the slightest touch.

In his past life, Chen Wengang had actually stayed in Huo Niansheng’s Suite 707 as well, though that was more than ten years ago.

And whenever he came, there was basically no one else around—Huo Niansheng booked out the whole place every time, but it wasn’t like this kind of wild party. The empty club didn’t have a single soul in sight; it was so deserted it felt haunted, but at least there were no strange looks from anyone.

Chen Wengang didn’t actually enjoy that feeling; he was just forced by Huo Niansheng to come out and see things.

But at least there was someone beside him, the only anchor he could grasp between the vast sky and sea.

Chen Wengang peacefully finished his bath on his own. Huo Niansheng didn’t act like a hooligan and try to barge in to harass him.

New towels and a toothbrush were placed on the sink; even the toothpaste was brand new. Chen Wengang tidied himself up, blow-dried his hair, and walked out. While he was in the bathroom, someone had changed the bedsheets and duvet cover in the room to new ones with a different pattern.

Huo Niansheng was not in the room.

Chen Wengang walked over to the floor-to-ceiling windows, a tiny spark reflecting in his eyes.

Huo Niansheng was on the spacious balcony with his arms crossed, smoking. He was patiently waiting for him.

The movement behind him prompted Huo Niansheng to turn around: “Done washing up?”

Chen Wengang gave an “Mm.”

“Was the water cold?”

“Just right.”

The moonlight was cold and clear, casting a bright glow over the balcony. Chen Wengang pulled his collar together and walked toward him. The bathrobe hung loosely on his body, a bit too large. The belt tied at his waist accentuated a slender waistline, but the lapels refused to sit flat, leaving his chest wide open.

Huo Niansheng rested his half-lit cigarette on the ashtray, turned Chen Wengang’s body around, and helped him pull his collar straight. Then he untied Chen Wengang’s belt, wrapped it around his lower back, and re-tied it into a neat bow at his side.

His movements were clean and swift, like tying up a grand gift.

After doing this, Huo Niansheng looked up to see Chen Wengang squinting, accepting his service with perfect peace of mind.

He tilted his head, glanced at Huo Niansheng’s cigarette, and made small talk: “What brand do you usually smoke?”

Huo Niansheng picked up the cigarette again, took a drag, and mischievously blew the smoke against his ear: “Top student, don’t you abstain from smoking?”

The cigarette pack was on the coffee table, covered in foreign letters. Chen Wengang swept a casual glance over it.

His body leaned a bit closer, brushing against Huo Niansheng’s shoulder.

Huo Niansheng raised an eyebrow and finally brought his hand over, resting it in mid-air, the cigarette pinched between his pronounced knuckles.

Chen Wengang lowered his eyes and took the spot where Huo’s lips had touched into his mouth.

Huo Niansheng took another drag himself. Just like that, they took turns sharing the remaining half of the cigarette.

Chen Wengang’s first drag carried a hint of testing the waters, but then he became increasingly unrestrained.

Huo Niansheng was happy to indulge him, letting Chen Wengang hold his hand, stretch his slender neck, and lean into his palm.

When the cigarette was finished, Huo Niansheng pinched his chin, lowered his head, and kissed him thoroughly and intimately.

Chen Wengang wrapped his arms around his neck, losing himself in the bitter sea named “Huo Niansheng.”

The kiss tasted of tobacco, mixed with the fresh mint of his body wash and toothpaste.

His vision grew hazy, and his breathing once again became fractured and hurried.

The moonlight was cold, but he was hot, and Huo Niansheng’s body temperature was gradually rising as well.

That cigarette made Chen Wengang’s consciousness float out of his body.

Huo Niansheng pressed him even harder against himself, as if trying to crush him—one moment tender and deeply affectionate, the next lingering and melancholic.

Chen Wengang clung to the back of his neck, responding with the utmost tenderness.

He was picked up by Huo Niansheng and tossed onto the bed.

Huo Niansheng kissed him soothingly. The freshly changed bedding was fluffy and soft, carrying the warmth of having basked in the sun.

Chen Wengang’s eyes rippled with a watery sheen, but he firmly pressed a hand against Huo’s chest.

Huo Niansheng kissed his ear: “Is there anything else you want to say?”

But he heard Chen Wengang ask, “After today, what is our relationship?”

“What do you mean, what relationship?”

“Is it just for tonight, or what?” Chen Wengang asked him. “Will there be a future?”

“Baby.” Huo Niansheng smiled helplessly, seemingly not expecting him to ask such a cliché question. “I don’t throw around massive amounts of money just to sleep with you, and definitely not just to buy you for one night. If you’re not willing, you still have the right to reject me.”

Chen Wengang said, “I know. I’m not trying to reject you. But getting things clear is very important to me.”

Pausing, Huo Niansheng sat up: “You’re right, it’s better to get things straight first.”

He combed his hair back with his fingers: “I don’t like lying to people. Aside from being unable to promise forever, I can give you anything. I genuinely can’t guarantee how long we’ll be together, but as long as we are together, I will treat you well.”

Chen Wengang looked at him, a trace of coldness seeping into his heart. But he didn’t let it show on his face.

Huo Niansheng stroked his hair: “Are you upset?”

Chen Wengang said, “I prefer a long-term relationship.”

The expression on Huo Niansheng’s face didn’t change immediately—at least he didn’t act like he had heard something absurd.

He still faced Chen Wengang with that gentle, even doting attitude, but the movements of his hands stopped. He withdrew from Chen Wengang, sighed, sat on the edge of the bed, found his cigarette case and lighter, and lit another cigarette.

Chen Wengang silently watched his back, not reminding him that it was easy to set the sheets on fire this way.

After a long while, Huo Niansheng blew out a smoke ring: “Then I probably really shouldn’t have provoked you.”

Chen Wengang also sat up: “Because you just wanted to play around, and you didn’t expect me to demand the world, so it scared you off?”

Huo Niansheng turned to look at him, his empty hand cupping Chen Wengang’s face: “Given your background and upbringing, it’s very normal for you to have these thoughts. What you want is stability, not just to come out and play. Baoqiu actually warned me many times, but I didn’t take it too seriously. I thought we could still find some common ground in the middle, but it turns out I was taking things for granted.”

Chen Wengang batted his hand away without a word.

He looked a little annoyed, kneeling up on the bed, but he still hugged Huo Niansheng from behind.

He understood what Huo Niansheng meant, and the emotion welling up in his heart couldn’t really be called sadness. Moreover, Chen Wengang was mentally prepared for Huo Niansheng’s current mindset. He never expected Huo Niansheng to instantly love him to death right off the bat; it was just that he himself had been blinded by desire and superficialities. Once the tide receded, leaving only jagged rocks on the beach, he realized they pierced his feet—the truth was never pretty.

Chen Wengang didn’t know if this counted as negotiations breaking down, or if he was acting too hastily, or if Huo Niansheng was simply a bastard to begin with.

In their past life, there was no good precedent for them to follow either, which was why even after spending seven years together, it only led to a tragic end.

Chen Wengang’s heart felt empty. At this moment, he seemed to finally understand a bit more clearly why they were destined to reach such an ending.

More often than not, the situations one faced in life made it hard to love and just as hard to hate.

So what?

Was he going to walk down the exact same old path again in this lifetime?

It wasn’t that he lacked patience; it was just that he was guarding too many memories alone, with no one to share them, constantly being gnawed at by loneliness every waking moment.

Like a giant beast in the deep sea, no matter how much he called out, he couldn’t find a response from his own kind; sooner or later, he was bound to go mad.

Chen Wengang lowered his head and kissed the top of Huo Niansheng’s head. He kissed all the way down to the back of his neck and his shoulders.

His kisses were like soft raindrops, full of a sense of cherishing, so pure that it made one embarrassed to stir up any lust.

Finally, even Huo Niansheng was defeated. He gently broke free from him: “Forget it, let’s just sleep for today. We can talk about everything else later.”

Chen Wengang still didn’t speak, nor did he let go.

He slowly pulled open the belt of his bathrobe: “Of course we can find common ground. If you just want to sleep with me, and make it clear upfront, it’s not like I can’t do that—”

Huo Niansheng instead got a headache: “Baby, the way you look right now is like a minor sneaking into a nightclub pretending to be an adult; your face has ‘needs someone to take responsibility for me’ written all over it. Of course I’m worried you haven’t thought it through—thinking it’s fine today, hesitating tomorrow, and regretting it the day after. By then, there will be no turning back.”

Chen Wengang said, “It must be hard for Young Master Huo to frame ‘not wanting to take responsibility’ in such a fresh and refined way.”

Huo Niansheng said, “No, I truly do like you—otherwise I would have already slept with you without caring about anything else, and what could you have done about it? Wengang, we’ve reached this point, and it’s precisely because it’s you that I’ve given you a choice time and time again.”

He stood up: “As long as you feel you can’t do this, we simply won’t start.”

Since things had reached this point, they couldn’t proceed anyway. After a long pause, Chen Wengang forced a smile: “I’ll go back downstairs to sleep.”

Huo Niansheng stroked his hair: “You already brought your luggage up, don’t fuss anymore. I can sleep on the sofa outside; I’ll take the outer room. You just had an episode tonight, get some good sleep. Having someone else around means I can look after you a bit.”

Chen Wengang was slightly stunned. Huo Niansheng had already closed the bedroom door.

The bathroom door opened and closed, followed by the patter of running water. Just hearing it made one feel it was freezing cold.

Chen Wengang closed his eyes and buried himself under the covers. Amidst the sound of the water, he frowned and tightly gripped the bedsheets.

It was supposed to be a sleepless night, but wrapped in the bathrobe Huo Niansheng had worn, Chen Wengang quickly fell asleep.

However, a series of dreams left him feeling more exhausted than if he had stayed awake.

The opening scenes were incredibly enchanting, filling in everything that should have happened that night.

Chen Wengang couldn’t distinguish between his past life and his present one. One moment it was Huo Niansheng holding him, either making love tenderly or demanding endlessly; the next moment, it was a chorus of gossiping voices: “…He actually can with that face… or is it all the same once the lights are off and the clothes are gone?”

The scene shifted. Huo Niansheng was smoking coldly. Seeing Chen Wengang, he suddenly put on a cynical smile and waved at him: “Come here.” Chen Wengang walked over; Huo Niansheng tossed his cigarette and kissed his forehead.

Chen Wengang hugged him, only to hear him say in his ear, “Forget it, you aren’t prepared at all.”

……

Upon waking, his consciousness slowly returned.

Chen Wengang thought with a touch of self-deprecation that perhaps he ought to go learn how to spell the word “romance.”

Otherwise, with such a perfect atmosphere last night, how did it end up becoming such a messy disaster?

Breakfast was set out on the living room dining table, featuring both Chinese and Western options: croissants, sandwiches, fried bacon, vegetable salad, spaghetti bolognese, vegetable and pork liver porridge, soup dumplings, tea eggs, lily bulb chicken feet, Yangzhou fried rice, noodles with gravy, milk, soy milk…

Huo Niansheng had ordered room service—an overly lavish spread—but the man himself was nowhere to be seen.

Chen Wengang stood in the living room and watched for a while, then turned and switched on the TV.

The sound of the morning news broadcast instantly filled the room, adding a bit of lively human warmth.

He sat alone at the table and ate breakfast, listening to the news while checking his phone.

Zheng Baoqiu and Qi Tongzhou had both sent him quite a few messages to show their concern; Chen Wengang replied to them one by one.

The two guys, on the other hand, went quiet—they probably wouldn’t be able to get up this early.

Chen Wengang changed his clothes and went downstairs. He didn’t see many people along the way; most were probably still hungover and asleep, or lingering in some tender embrace.

He sat alone in the lobby, bored, when Li Hongqiong came over wearing sportswear: “Morning, want to go mountain climbing?”

Chen Wengang agreed with a smile, then asked her if she had seen Huo Niansheng.

Li Hongqiong nodded: “He took the yacht out to sea. I don’t know what he’s thinking; we were originally supposed to hang out together in the afternoon.”

With that said, she cast a sidelong glance at Chen Wengang’s face; he seemed to have grown a bit more silent.

This led Li Hongqiong to deduce that they had an argument—which was actually both right and wrong.

As for other things, Chen Wengang could ignore them; even if they really had fought, it wouldn’t matter. What he was thinking about was that Huo Niansheng had gone “out to sea”—just these three words were enough to make his heart skip a beat.

Even though Huo Niansheng’s accident in his past life didn’t happen at this exact time and place, there was still a lingering shadow in his heart.

The two walked up together along the path at the foot of the mountain, and Li Hongqiong asked him again, “It seemed pretty chaotic yesterday. Were you alright afterward?”

Chen Wengang smiled. “No need to worry, it’s an old condition. It ended up scaring you all one by one.”

As he walked ahead, Li Hongqiong examined his back from behind. Slender and thin, with broad shoulders and a straight back—he was a calm and dignified person.

No wonder her godbrother was so down in the dumps for half the night at her place, and it wasn’t just out of worry.

But for Huo Niansheng to actually not have touched him, Li Hongqiong was quite surprised.

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