AD CH77

“Yes,” his mom picked up her glass, swirling the shimmering liquid lightly. Looking into the glass, she sighed softly. “It’s just that I didn’t notice.”

Shan Yu rarely heard his mom sigh. In his mind, she had always been resolute and independent.

“Actually, I also… didn’t notice you were starting to get older,” Shan Yu said.

He could practically hear Chen Jian’s voice in his ear: What are you saying, Boss!

“Same here,” his mom smiled. “If it weren’t for getting sick this time, I wouldn’t have known I was starting to get older either.”

“You still look very young,” Shan Yu said.

“They say you don’t age as fast if you don’t worry about your kids,” his mom took a sip. “That was probably me.”

Shan Yu fell silent, staring at his glass, unsure of what to say.

He had always thought his belief that his parents didn’t care much about him might be a misunderstanding, but he hadn’t expected his mom to feel the exact same way.

“Did you…” Shan Yu asked softly, “ever regret it?”

“Regret what? Giving birth to you?” his mom asked.

“Mm.” Shan Yu looked at her.

“How could I,” his mom smiled. “We carefully prepared for pregnancy for two years to have you. It was because we had you that I wanted to improve our family’s financial situation.”

Then why send me to Eldest Aunt’s house, to Second Aunt’s house…

It was too direct. He had only taken two sips of wine, and the blank void of not seeing each other for years had only just begun to dissipate. The conversation had been relatively lighthearted…

Shan Yu didn’t know if it was appropriate to ask this now.

Although he had known the answer to this question for a long time—Eldest Aunt had told him, Second Aunt had told him—he still wanted to ask. He wanted to hear it once more now that he was grown, to hear it again with his current mindset and emotions.

But the person he was facing was his mother—not a friend, not a stranger, not a business rival. That faint detachment that had existed since childhood made it difficult for him to find the right way to ask the question.

“Why…” In the end, Shan Yu went with the simplest and most direct approach.

“Too busy,” his mom said.

Shan Yu finally understood how Chen Jian must feel sometimes when Shan Yu saw right through him.

In that instant, he also realized that he actually carried countless traces of his mom within him.

“I didn’t rest well after having you,” his mom took a sip of wine, closing her eyes for a brief pause as if recalling the past. “My health kept failing, and the company was at a critical stage. We just couldn’t manage.”

It matched what he remembered, though he hadn’t known his mom was in poor health back then.

“Your dad could only come home once a week at the time,” his mom looked at him. “Whenever I had to travel for work, there was no one to pick you up from kindergarten. We had to ask your Eldest Aunt to pick you up every time.”

“I don’t even remember kindergarten,” Shan Yu said.

“You were too little. You weren’t even two when you started. They almost didn’t take you; they only agreed because you could clearly express how you felt,” his mom said. “Later on, we just let you stay at Eldest Aunt’s house.”

“Mm,” Shan Yu acknowledged.

“You threw fits constantly, demanding to go home,” his mom said. “I’d bring you home, but within two days I’d have to travel for work again, so I’d have to send you back. Then you’d throw fits again. There isn’t a single complete set of cups at Eldest Aunt’s house; you shattered at least one from every set…”

Shan Yu looked at his mom. He vaguely remembered those things, but not clearly. He only remembered wanting to go home.

Hearing these stories from his mom’s mouth brought a sense of unfamiliarity. He didn’t know if it was because they had rarely chatted like this, or simply because it had been too long since they last saw each other.

“Until one day, you suddenly stopped throwing fits,” his mom lowered her head, remaining silent for a while before looking back up at him. “I was around your current age back then. I didn’t know what it meant. I just felt relieved.”

“Did you not regret it back then either?” Shan Yu asked.

“No,” his mom propped her head on her hand, looking at him. “You were very smart and good-looking. Having a son like you, there was no way I could regret it.”

“Would you have, if I were ugly? What if I were ugly and stupid?” Shan Yu asked again.

“I don’t know, couldn’t give birth to one like that,” his mom looked at him. “What kind of answer are you hoping to get from me?”

This time it was his mom cutting straight to the point, no longer beating around the bush.

“Do you really think I’m smart?” Shan Yu looked back at her. “Did you really never have any expectations for me? I skipped class, got into fights, caused trouble, dropped out, ended up at the police station, and finally went to prison…”

“Prison is different,” his mom interrupted. “Don’t lump that in with the rest.”

Shan Yu fell silent for a while. After asking that question, he felt his courage beginning to dissipate. His mind was a mess. Speaking again would only result in tangled logic, preventing him from expressing himself correctly, which meant he wouldn’t get the right feedback.

Even though intellectually he knew that “heart-to-hearts” with a biological mother didn’t require perfectly clear thoughts, it was still hard to truly relax and just follow his emotions.

“A me like that,” Shan Yu picked up his glass. “Are you really not disappointed?”

After speaking, he took a sip of wine.

The slight tartness and sweetness of the wine mingled as he swallowed.

“I thought you were never going to ask that in this lifetime,” his mom put her glass down and clasped her hands together.

“I thought so too,” Shan Yu said.

“You’re actually disappointed in us, aren’t you?” his mom said. “Many people only see parents being disappointed in their children, not knowing that the ones who are disappointed first are actually the children.”

Shan Yu didn’t speak, his lowered eyes lifting to look at his mom.

“Starting from when you suddenly stopped demanding to go home,” his mom said, “you were disappointed in us.”

Shan Yu frowned. He didn’t know. He hadn’t thought about it.

Disappointed? In his parents?

“You always felt we were disappointed in you,” his mom said, “because you were already disappointed in us. It’s hard to believe in the two people who chose to hand you over to someone else when you needed them most.”

The hand Shan Yu used to hold his glass trembled slightly.

He had never thought about this question. The moment he heard his mom’s words, he realized it seemed to be entirely true. He didn’t believe in his parents.

“We weren’t qualified parents,” his mom spoke a bit slowly, the words coming out with difficulty. “Especially since we never built a foundation of familial affection… we handled that kind of parent-child relationship terribly…”

His mom’s finger traced lightly around her glass, watching a drop of condensation slide down. “When you first came back home, you talked quite a lot, especially during meals. At first… it was honestly a bit annoying. Coming home exhausted after a long day, it was hard to focus on what you were saying. But the reason your dad enforced the ‘no talking while eating’ rule was because we suddenly realized you had started swearing…”

“Hm?” Shan Yu froze. He genuinely didn’t remember the original reason for the rule.

“He started trying to set rules for you,” his mom smiled. “No talking during meals, running every day, reading a book a week, practicing calligraphy, and even making you learn martial arts. Partly because you were physically weak as a child, and partly because he wanted to instill some discipline. But… it was too rigid.”

“But I didn’t stick to any of it,” Shan Yu said. “Except the easiest one: no talking while eating.”

“Because you fundamentally didn’t want to talk anymore,” his mom reached over, hesitated for a moment, and gently patted the back of his hand. “But your handwriting is excellent, and you’re very good at fighting, which shows you picked it up even if you were just casually learning. You learn everything very fast.”

Shan Yu glanced at his mom’s hand. He was still somewhat unfamiliar with this kind of physical contact. Since as far back as he could remember, he had somewhat resisted contact with his parents. On the rare occasions his mom hugged him, he always felt very unaccustomed to it.

“You never…” Shan Yu looked at her. “You never told me these things before.”

“What things?” his mom asked.

“That my handwriting is excellent, that fighting… never mind that, that I learn things fast and all that,” Shan Yu said. “You never said that.”

“Is that so?” His mom seemed lost in thought, sighing only after a long time. “We always felt that kind of praise would seem like we were trying to make up for something. That deliberately trying to please you would only cause you to resent us. We wanted to act more naturally, like an ordinary family, pretending the lack of affection from those years never happened.”

Shan Yu turned his head away, looking out the window near the living room.

Outside was a sea of blurry lights, shifting from large flares up close to tiny specks in the distance.

Each light was a home, densely packed together, where people quietly lived their lives in their corners of the world, having their own troubles, finding their own happiness.

Shan Yu used to stand by the window for a long time, imagining what other people’s homes were like.

“Yes, we should have said it,” his mom said softly. “You are very smart. Often, I felt like you knew everything. I even had the illusion that you didn’t need parents like us, that any discipline would seem wrong and push you further away.”

“I did need it,” Shan Yu said simply, unable to find a more complex way to express it.

“Mm,” his mom nodded. “I only realized that during the two years you were sick, but by then you weren’t coming home anymore. It felt like we had missed everything.”

“It felt like you were both very busy back then too,” Shan Yu said.

“If I had to say I regret anything…” his mom thought for a moment. “Starting the company would be one.”

“Don’t,” Shan Yu looked at her. “You’re an incredibly impressive woman. Trying to balance both sides is hard enough. At least when I wanted to start a money-losing company, you could provide the startup capital, and when I want a car now, you can give me one immediately.”

His mom started laughing. “Anything else you want?”

“No,” Shan Yu said.

“I’m not trying to compensate for anything,” his mom said. “Compensation in itself is very… the past can’t be compensated for. I wanted to chat with you today because I sensed you might want to chat. I’ve waited for this opportunity for many years.”

Shan Yu smiled.

President Liu was indeed quite perceptive.

“I’m also not trying to excuse our dereliction of duty in the past,” his mom stood up, fetched two new iced glasses, and started mixing drinks again. “I just wanted to tell you that, although it’s late, in your mom and dad’s hearts, you are an incredibly smart and outstanding child.”

“Didn’t you say you were only having one glass?” Shan Yu asked.

“My glass from earlier was non-alcoholic,” his mom said. “The ‘only one glass’ is this one.”

“Are our drinks different?” Shan Yu said. “They look the same.”

“Yours has alcohol, mine is juice,” his mom said. “To get you to spill some truth after drinking.”

Shan Yu clicked his tongue.

“Do you still want to chat with Old Shan?” his mom glanced at him.

“…No need,” Shan Yu said quietly. “I’m… even less familiar with him. I’m afraid he’d need to prepare a lesson plan before chatting with me.”

“That’s just his personality,” his mom smiled. “Sometimes I think that if our family went back and lived everything over again, some things probably still wouldn’t change. Your dad and I would still take it for granted that your needs were the same as ours…”

“This is fine for now,” Shan Yu said.

“When I saw the pathology report, I was terrified. My first reaction was actually to tell you,” his mom expertly grabbed bottle after bottle, pouring them into the glasses. “But in the end, I didn’t. It felt like I hadn’t sacrificed anything for you in this lifetime, yet now that I’m old and sick, I was starting to demand things from you…”

“Mom, you should have,” Shan Yu leaned on the counter, turning his head to look at her. “I didn’t really grow up this big all by myself.”

“You really…” his mom looked at him. “Have changed a lot.”

Shan Yu quickly turned his face the other way. The moment a tear slipped out, he pressed the corner of his eye against his arm.

Perhaps to help him fall asleep faster, the second drink his mom mixed was quite strong. The taste of the alcohol even overpowered the fruit flavor upon the first sip.

“You should have just slipped sleeping pills in it,” Shan Yu said.

“Drugging someone to their face isn’t very appropriate,” his mom said.

Shan Yu’s phone chimed.

He picked it up and saw it was Chen Yu Luo Yan. After hesitating for a moment, he opened it right in front of his mom.

[Chen Yu Luo Yan]:I thought about it for a long time. I don’t know how your chat went, but I’m afraid you might be in a bad mood. I wanted to say, for many things, an answer isn’t necessarily a solution. Just having an answer is enough; you don’t necessarily have to solve it.

It was a rare long message from Chen Jian. Shan Yu read it several times.

Finally, he placed the phone on the counter, closed his eyes, and exhaled a long, deep breath.

“What is it?” his mom asked.

Shan Yu pushed the phone, its screen still lit, toward her.

His mom didn’t look immediately, asking first: “Should I read from the bottom up or top down?”

“You can see the earlier messages even reading from the bottom up, right?” Shan Yu smiled.

“What an ugly sky,” his mom glanced at the screen. “It is ugly. Whenever I looked at your Moments before, I always wanted to tell you that your photos looked like you had presbyopia—just framing it blindly and pressing the shutter…”

Shan Yu smiled without speaking.

His mom didn’t say anything else either. After reading Chen Jian’s message, she pushed the phone back to him. “This Yan’er…”

“Hey!” Shan Yu quickly interrupted her. “Chen Jian. His name is Chen Jian.”

“Did this kid cultivate in the mountains for twenty years?” his mom said.

“He…” Shan Yu remained silent for a while. “Pulled me up.”

“When I called earlier,” his mom thought for a moment. “The one who answered the phone and said he was the boss, that was him, right?”

“Right,” Shan Yu couldn’t help but laugh.

“That’s nice. This Chen…” his mom seemed to be trying to recall Chen Jian’s name.

“Jian, Jian as in mountain stream,” Shan Yu quickly reminded her, terrified she still had ‘Yan’er’ stuck in her head. What if she met him one day and called him Chen Yan?

That would probably be even more lethal than calling him Curly.

“Don’t tell him I saw his message,” his mom said. “He’d be embarrassed.”

“Mm,” Shan Yu nodded.

It definitely couldn’t be mentioned. Chen Jian embarrassed more easily than most.

“Go to sleep,” his mom glanced toward the study. “Your dad is probably eavesdropping. If we don’t wrap up, he won’t be able to sleep.”

“He probably can’t hear us,” Shan Yu said. “He never had sharp ears to begin with, and now he’s old, losing his sight and hearing…”

“This drink isn’t even thirty percent alcohol,” his mom picked up the bottle she had just used to inspect it.

Shan Yu smiled. “Goodnight.”

His mom finished the drink in her glass, patted his shoulder, lifted her hand, and let it fall to pat him again, before finally walking toward the bedroom.

His mom was also rusty at expressing affection. Those pats felt like she was patting her assistant.

Returning to his room, Shan Yu dialed Chen Jian’s number while closing the door.

“Holy shit,” Chen Jian answered the second it rang. The sound of wind rushed through the line alongside his voice. “I didn’t mean for you to call me back immediately. I…”

“We finished chatting,” Shan Yu said.

“Really?” Chen Jian said. “What a coincidence.”

“Mm, just that coincidental,” Shan Yu said. “Where are you?”

“By the doghouse,” Chen Jian whispered. “Lao Wu lost his mind today and teased Mushroom right before bed. Now Mushroom is too excited to sleep and keeps barking. I came over to coax him to sleep, otherwise the guests will complain.”

“The store manager really is… quite busy,” Shan Yu said.

“How did the chat go?” Chen Jian asked.

“Scored a car. I’ll drive it back when I return,” Shan Yu said.

“What the hell?” Chen Jian froze. “Were you having a heart-to-heart with your mother or a business negotiation? How did you end up turning a profit…”

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