After Yu Xun said he was going to change dorms, the 608 dorm room fell silent, as if someone had pressed the mute button.
Until Luo Sifang, wearing headphones, couldn’t control his volume and asked loudly, “You’re moving out?”
“Yeah,” Yu Xun said while packing his things, “moving tonight.”
Luo Sifang took off his headphones and stood up: “Why so suddenly?”
Yu Xun: “Something came up.”
He rarely had this economy of words.
Usually, Luo Sifang could drag him into talking about anything, questioning everything to the end, but now he couldn’t continue the conversation.
The boy turned his back to them, his head lowered when he bent over, a very obvious gesture of rejection. His hand rested on the quilt, seemingly exerting a lot of force—but it might have been their illusion because in the next moment, he rolled up the bedspread and casually went to pack other things.
Midway, he said, “You guys can use the stuff that I can’t take with me.”
Yu Xun was referring to some of the shared items they had bought for the dormitory. They had been living together for almost a year, sometimes one person would buy a cabinet for everyone to use, and another person would buy a mirror.
Over the past year, they had accumulated a lot of these shared items that couldn’t be taken away.
In the limited space of the dormitory, the atmosphere of living together was very strong. Last Spring Festival, even though everyone was leaving school, they still put up couplets in the dormitory before leaving.
The red couplets still hung on the balcony windows, with characters they had chosen together, such as: “Pass every exam,” “Suddenly get rich,” and “No more 8 AM classes.”
In the corner of the dorm, there was still a skateboard.
Peng Yiyuan bought it, and for that skateboard, he mooched off their meal cards for half a month. Later, to repay them, he took them to skateboard in the dormitory corridor secretly after lights out.
At that time, Yun Ci, while calling him “crazy,” put on a T-shirt and got out of bed.
That night, the corridor was lively, and stepping on the skateboard felt like riding the wind.
“Do I look like one of those,” someone shouted, “a boy chasing the wind—”
“Stop chasing the wind, watch out you don’t fall.”
“……”
Every item was a trace of their life together over the past year.
No one dared to ask what had happened. Luo Sifang, belatedly realizing something, turned to look at Yun Ci.
These two usually had a love-hate relationship, in a way the most “intimate” people in the dormitory. Maybe Yun Ci knew something.
But when he turned to look, he was stunned.
Yun Ci stood at the door. He seemed to have been out of the dorm all day but wasn’t wearing a coat, only a very thin shirt.
He stood there stiffly, oblivious to the temperature.
He didn’t say a word, his gaze fixed on Yu Xun, watching him pack one thing after another.
Finally, watching Yu Xun, just like the day he arrived, taking his few belongings, suitcase, quilt, and a basin holding simple toiletries.
Luo Sifang inexplicably had the illusion that Yun Ci was like a drowning man at that moment, silently gasping for air.
……
Too strange.
The relationship between these two was too strange.
Luo Sifang almost got overwhelmed by the oppressive atmosphere just from watching. He wanted to seek help from his other roommates, but Liu Sheng tugged at his sleeve: “Don’t say anything, dorm leader.”
Yu Xun moved quickly.
After packing up his things, the lower bunk was empty.
Dragging his suitcase, he walked to the door, which Yun Ci happened to block.
Yu Xun opened his mouth and said the last thing to Yun Ci today: “Excuse me.”
“……”
Yun Ci’s ears were filled with the sound of the suitcase wheels rolling on the floor. These sounds combined with all the other sounds he had heard today, forming a massive, chaotic noise that engulfed him like a tidal wave.
After Yu Xun left, the remaining people looked at each other.
“What happened?”
“No idea.”
“Everything was fine on his birthday…”
Only Yun Ci didn’t speak. He turned and went into the bathroom.
He turned on the faucet, the sound of running water covering other noises.
He lowered his head, his hands pressed hard against the edge of the sink. After a long time, Luo Sifang knocked on the door from outside: “Ci-Ge, are you okay?”
Yun Ci covered his eyes with one hand.
After a while, he heard himself say: “I’m fine.”
He shouldn’t have acted impulsively.
Yan Yue was right.
Yu Xun shouldn’t have to live this kind of life.
–
A few days after Yu Xun moved out, the dorm was quieter than usual. With one person missing, everyone felt out of place. Even though the boys’ dorm was so messy that there was no place to put things, no one threw anything into that empty spot.
The lower bunk was spotless.
As if no one had ever lived there.
Yun Ci was particularly silent.
He didn’t ask which building Yu Xun had moved to, or which room number, or who his new roommates were. He even deliberately avoided the topic when others discussed it.
Liu Jiayu finished his exams and got his phone back.
He hurried to report his status to his tutor: [Although I don’t know my grades, I had a strange sense of confidence as soon as I left the exam room.]
[This confidence comes from my hard work.]
[Damn it, it’s my effort of waking up at three thirty in the morning.]
[I’m definitely going to surpass the second-to-last person and let him firmly hold the last place.]
Yun Ci looked at these messages without any reaction until Liu Jiayu sent the next one.
[His tutor is also crazy…]
Yun Ci’s finger rested on the screen for a long time, then he let go. In the end, he didn’t send anything.
Then he habitually kept refreshing his friends list.
Since Yu Xun left, he had unconsciously developed this habit.
He didn’t chat with anyone, just kept refreshing.
He didn’t know what he was thinking, maybe he wasn’t thinking anything.
Until he refreshed the page and found that Yu Xun had changed his profile picture.
At the top, where the black profile picture used to be, it was replaced by a landscape photo, the kind you can find anywhere online. The name was also changed to a dot.
His fingers stiffly moved, and he clicked into Yu Xun’s Moments.
It seemed that the previous posts had been deleted.
He didn’t see the confession that was only visible to him, nor the paper roses.
Moments was set to be visible for only three days.
Below the dividing line, it was blank.
It should be deleted, right? Even the profile picture was changed.
Almost simultaneously, Yan Yue’s new message popped up at the top: [Focus on your studies, you’re about to be a sophomore, you…]
Yun Ci directly turned off the screen.
……
He thought that the day Yu Xun said they should break up, his heart had already hurt to the extreme and wouldn’t hurt anymore.
Li Yan was the first to notice something was wrong. In the past few days, Yun Ci hadn’t replied to his messages. Although this guy didn’t usually reply much either, it was always for a reason, like secretly working hard to surpass Yu Xun in rank or preparing for an exam to take the top spot.
But this time, Li Yan couldn’t think of any reason.
There were no exams recently, and no activities.
Could it be a relationship?
Busy with a relationship and not replying to his brother’s messages.
Whenever Li Yan thought about Yun Ci’s relationship with Yu Xun, he felt complicated.
He had waited for their official announcement for so long that he even warned Zhou Wenyu in advance that there might be an earth-shattering news soon that could destroy his beliefs, telling him to be prepared.
But nothing happened.
He waited and waited, only to hear that Yu Xun moved out.
For his brother’s sake, he wanted to confront Yu Xun, but found that the famous black-and-white profile pictures of West High were no longer there.
The black one was gone.
“You guys,” Li Yan went to Yun Ci’s dorm, saw the empty bed at a glance, and wanted to ask “Did you break up?” but changed it to, “Had a fight?”
When he went, there was no one else in the dorm.
His uncle was staring at that empty bed, holding a textbook in his hand but hadn’t read a word in days. He seemed drained, barely responding with an “ah.”
Li Yan: “Was it a big fight?”
“……”
“Yeah,” Yun Ci said, “we won’t contact each other anymore.”
When he said this, his face was expressionless, yet he seemed on the verge of tears.
It was the first time Li Yan had seen him like this.
For someone like Yun Ci, crying seemed unimaginable.
Li Yan’s first reaction was to slam the table: “What did that guy do? I’ll go confront him—”
Cheating. Emotional neglect. Handsome but unfaithful.
A bunch of scumbag accusations flashed through Li Yan’s mind.
But Yun Ci said, “He didn’t do anything.”
“Don’t go looking for him.”
“……”
From that day on, Li Yan never heard the name “Yu Xun” from Yun Ci’s mouth again.
–
Yun Ci initially thought that after Yu Xun moved out, they would at least see each other in class.
However, Gao Pingyang mentioned during roll call: “Yu Xun has some family matters and has taken a half-month leave. He can no longer continue his role as class president, so we need to elect a new one… is there anyone who would like to volunteer?”
“Oh, and we’re about to start our second year, and there will be changes to the course schedule.”
Gao Pingyang continued, “The two law classes will be separated from now on.”
“You probably knew this when you enrolled. It’s an old tradition in our law department to have freshmen together to help them better adapt to the new environment. Now that everyone has a deeper understanding of the major, the professional courses will be more targeted for each student. The new schedule will be sent to your class group, so remember to check it.”
The students responded sparsely, “Got it.”
Yun Ci remained silent.
He stared at the law book on his desk, but didn’t remember a single word from the entire class.
From that moment until the final exams, he didn’t see Yu Xun again.
The two law classes were far apart, not even in the same building, and their schedules didn’t align.
Only when there were lecture announcements did the counselor sometimes mention everyone in the big group.
Gao Pingyang would particularly tag someone: [Yu Xun, if you don’t come this time, you’ll lose credits.]
Landscape profile picture: [Got it.]
Gao Pingyang: [What does ‘got it’ mean?]
Landscape profile picture: [It means I’m just brushing you off.]
[……]
Yun Ci looked at this unfamiliar profile picture for a while, his eyes falling on every word sent from it. Actually, it wasn’t unfamiliar anymore; he’d been looking at it for too long.
This had become their only connection after breaking up.
Yu Xun never showed up for the lectures.
Yun Ci thought for a moment, clicked on the profile picture, and slowly typed in the chat box: [You don’t have to…]
You don’t have to avoid me like this.
But just before sending it, he deleted each word.
The chat box returned to silence.
The last chat record still stayed on that day.
The lecture proceeded as usual, with a mass of people in the audience, so many that it was impossible to make out anyone clearly. But Yun Ci scanned the crowd and confirmed that Yu Xun wasn’t there.
That day, Yun Ci sat in a corner of the auditorium, the entire seating area dimly lit. He hid in the darkness, and as the crowd dispersed, he suddenly thought, this place is much larger than he imagined.
……
So, the Nanyang Campus was this big. Big enough that if two people didn’t contact each other, it would be hard to meet again.
–
During the vacation before starting his sophomore year, Yun Ci went home.
Yan Yue had a heart condition, and Yun Ci accompanied him to the hospital for a check-up.
He found out about Yan Yue’s heart problem after that argument, and later found a bunch of heart pills at home.
In the peak of summer, the sun was scorching, making it hard to breathe.
Yun Ci sat in the hospital corridor, waiting for the results.
If asked about the moment he grew up, he might not have answered in high school.
But in college, his answer would be two moments.
The moment he was forced to accept reality, and the moment he suddenly realized that his loved ones were no longer young.
The doctor, holding the results, said, “Your father’s results are okay this time, but he needs to pay more attention to his emotions and stay calm.”
“Besides getting older, it’s likely related to his job. He tends to be overly anxious. It’s still recommended that he not overwork himself.”
“……”
It was almost exactly what Yun Ci had guessed.
Before he left for college, Yan Yue’s mental state was already unstable.
He needed to stay highly focused at work, managing an entire grade of students, and dealing with numerous issues. When Yun Ci was still home, at least he was there as someone Yan Yue could vent his frustrations on late at night.
After he left, Yan Yue was alone in the empty house.
Yun Ci said, “Thank you, doctor.”
Yan Yue, used to being strong, silently walked a few steps ahead to avoid Yun Ci coming to support him.
Father and son spoke little, and after walking some distance, almost to the hospital entrance, Yan Yue finally spoke.
“Life is long,” Yan Yue said earnestly, “One day, you’ll understand what’s truly important. This temporary discomfort will soon pass.”
Yun Ci didn’t respond.
After a while, he simply said, “The car is here, let’s go.”
The vacation before his sophomore year was the most chaotic holiday Yun Ci had ever experienced. Before, he would use this time to preview lessons or bury himself in reviewing and doing a lot of practice questions.
The most unexpected thing before was going to an internet cafe at night to PK with someone.
This holiday, he lived in a reversed day-night schedule.
Whenever he opened his eyes, whether it was day or night, he started scrolling on his phone.
A new open-world mobile game was released during the holiday. Not many people played it, and it wasn’t very interesting. He used it to kill time, letting himself get absorbed in it.
A few days after the server opened, there was an event where completing tasks would automatically share a link to Moments.
Link: [“Dream of Jianghu,” Grand Opening Gifts…]
He quickly deleted it, afraid Yan Yue would see it.
Yan Yue didn’t see it, but Li Yan did and messaged him: [You’re playing games?]
Li Yan: [But I quit this game after three days, and there are very few real players in the server. How can you keep playing?]
Yun Ci thought to himself that it was because he didn’t care if the game was good or not.
The time he spent online was shocking.
He often played all night long.
Looking back after the holiday, Yun Ci didn’t have a strong impression of the game, except that he often encountered a player wearing black in the game.
The game player with the ID “Number One Martial Artist in Jianghu” was very silent, never speaking in the public chat or sending messages to Yun Ci, inviting him to team up for quests, even though they often encountered each other, especially during all-nighters.
For such a difficult game, it was surprising that someone else was also playing it all night long.
One day, Yun Ci, perhaps out of boredom after finishing all the tasks, decided to poke the “Number One Martial Artist in Jianghu” who was wandering aimlessly and hadn’t completed a single task all night.
[yc: Wanna play?]
[Number One Martial Artist in Jianghu replied to yc: No.]
[yc: ?]
This question mark revealed a sense of “How dare you refuse.”
[Number One Martial Artist in Jianghu: I want to rely on my own strength.]
[yc: …]
Yan Yue quickly noticed something was wrong, but both father and son tacitly understood the reason.
He looked at the closed door of Yun Ci’s room and silently sighed, pretending not to know.
At that time, Yan Yue thought it was temporary and would pass with time.
……
In the scorching, windless summer, the cicadas were noisy.
After the vacation ended and the sophomore year began, Yun Ci never logged into that game again.
That chaotic, reversed-schedule vacation seemed like it never existed. Throughout his entire sophomore year, he eliminated all forms of entertainment from his life.
Classes, memorizing legal codes, preparing for the bar exam in advance.
Participating in debate competitions, winning awards, and constantly competing.
During that year, even Li Yan didn’t dare to chat with him, feeling that his brother had turned into a robot that only knew how to study.
Previously, Yun Ci was also a top student, always engrossed in his studies and competitive, but it was entirely different from now.
Occasionally, Li Yan would bring Zhou Wenyu to visit the dorm, holding a basketball and noisily trying to drag him to the court: “Wanna play?”
Yun Ci didn’t even look up: “Take the ball and get lost.”
Li Yan: “?”
“Ci-ge, it’s been a long time since we’ve seen your excellent basketball skills.”
“My hand is broken,” Yun Ci said, “No skills.”
“……”
Peng Yiyuan, sitting nearby, looked up and joined the conversation: “Last week, I asked him to play the lead role in my new project, a cool and handsome male protagonist, the most impressive in the world. It would have added a brilliant touch to his time at Nanyang University. I even gave him the script, and he said he was illiterate.”
Li Yan: “……”
Yun Ci remained silent, sitting straight with a black pen in his hand, seemingly detached from everything and indifferent to all matters.
As Li Yan walked out of dorm 608, he suddenly realized what the difference was.
The previous Yun Ci had a sharp edge.
He had a carefree, youthful spirit, always competing with Yu Xun.
Now it seemed like something had extinguished.
Li Yan thought, even though he was just an observer, why did he feel the same pain?
Walking out of Yun Ci’s dorm building, the stifling hot air hit him. Nearby, a makeshift basketball court had two teams fiercely competing, neither side giving way.
He stood watching for a while, as if seeing Yun Ci during his high school days at West High.
Li Yan didn’t know how Yu Xun had been over the past year. Standing on Yun Ci’s side, he naturally wouldn’t ask. Occasionally, when he and Liu Zi argued online, Liu Zi also consciously avoided related topics.
Only once, Li Yan couldn’t help but want to speak up for Yun Ci: “Your brother wouldn’t happen to be a scumbag, right?”
Liu Zi: “???”
Liu Zi reacted strongly: “Nonsense, he—”
Liu Zi suddenly fell silent, as if he had thought of something and didn’t continue.
Whatever he was going to say, Li Yan didn’t press further.
Yun Ci’s memories of his entire sophomore year were all in his textbooks.
The dorm became purely a place to sleep and rest. He tirelessly rotated between the classroom and the study room, scoring the highest in every exam.
Gao Pingyang naturally hoped his students would achieve good results, but Yun Ci’s excellent grades were extreme, reaching another level.
For the first time, Gao Pingyang advised a student to put down the books and experience more of university life: “Although studying is important, you can’t focus solely on it. Sometimes you need to experience life more.”
Yun Ci, now much more reserved compared to his freshman year, stood in the office, listened, and then said, “Are you done?”
“If there’s nothing else, I’m going to the study room.”
“……”
This same silence reminded Gao Pingyang of another person.
……
Midway through sophomore year, during the Chinese New Year.
Yun Ci left school and, as usual, accompanied Yan Yue to buy New Year goods. With Yun Ci speaking less, the atmosphere between them became even more stagnant.
Yan Yue tried to find a topic: “These Spring Festival couplets are nice.”
Yun Ci glanced at them and responded with a simple “Mm.”
Yan Yue: “Which one do you think we should buy?”
Yun Ci didn’t really care: “Any will do.”
No matter how festive the occasion, standing amidst the bustling crowd, it seemed nothing could stir any emotions in Yun Ci anymore.
The New Year followed the old routine: cooking, helping in the kitchen.
Entertaining relatives, playing with the children of relatives, giving gifts.
During the cheerful festival, a child from a relative’s family, playing with a new toy, suddenly said: “Brother, you don’t seem happy.”
Yun Ci, crouching down as usual, asked, “Really? Why?”
The child said, “Your eyes.”
He pointed with a chubby finger, “Your eyes don’t look happy.”
“……”
Before the child said it, Yun Ci already felt neither happy nor unhappy.
After dinner, Yun Ci said, “I’m going out for a bit.”
Yan Yue now encouraged him to go out more. He cautiously suggested, “Going to see Li Yan? That’s good. It’s the New Year, you young people should get together more.”
Yun Ci didn’t go to Li Yan’s house.
On a brightly lit night, he went alone to the place where he had once fled on a tricycle on New Year’s Eve.
The cold wind blew, and the streets were decorated with red ornaments, just like last year.
He had the driver drop him off at the intersection, and then he followed his memory, walking along the route into that wide-view street.
In just one year, the street had changed.
The previously perfect view was gone because a high-rise building had begun construction in the area.
Yun Ci still found a place, sat on a stone post by the street, with his legs bent.
An old man pushing a cart passed by and stopped to ask him, “What are you doing here on New Year’s? Not going home?”
Yun Ci said, “Watching fireworks.”
The old man’s accent had a bit of a rural tone: “There shouldn’t be any fireworks here this year. There were last year, but if you want to see them this year, you probably need to go to the South Street area. The view there is good, and many people are heading there to set off fireworks.”
He enthusiastically urged, “You can still make it if you go now.”
“Thank you,” Yun Ci didn’t plan to leave. He just said, “I know.”
The old man seemed to want to say something else when suddenly the sound of fireworks ascending filled the air.
Then, in this less-than-ideal viewing spot, a large display of fireworks rose over the high-rise buildings, sparkling in the night sky. The whole sky was filled with brilliant light.
The fireworks lasted a long time.
Crackling and popping. Illuminating the entire night sky.
“That’s strange,” the old man said, a bit self-contradictorily, “There shouldn’t be anyone setting off fireworks here this year…”
The old man couldn’t figure it out: “Maybe they thought South Street was too crowded?”
Yun Ci watched the fireworks in the night sky for a while.
Then he lowered his head and opened his WeChat contacts list.
He carefully typed three words in a chat box.
[Happy New Year.]
But after typing, he didn’t send it. Instead, he deleted it.
……
Then the cold winter quickly passed, ushering in another hot summer.
Junior year began.
On the first day of school, Gao Pingyang solemnly held a class meeting: “The junior year is very important. Do you know why? Next year, when you become seniors, you will all go out for internships. You will enter society in advance, find your direction, and slowly detach from school.”
For Gao Pingyang, the graduation season each year was not the moment of farewell.
The moment of farewell came earlier, starting from the junior year rehearsal. In another year, the empty seats in the classroom would become more and more, leaving the entire classroom vacant.
Entering society.
As Yun Ci listened to these words, he thought that society was much larger than Nanyang University.
By then, even acquaintances would gradually disappear into the crowd, heading towards their own futures.
On stage, Gao Pingyang continued: “The most important thing this year is the bar exam. I’ve posted the related notices in the group chat. Pay attention to the class group.”
After he finished, many people rustled to check their phones.
Gao Pingyang pounded the table: “I didn’t send it today. I sent it last week. Don’t you all read the messages? At home during the break, you ignore school matters?”
Yun Ci lowered his head to check his phone.
The first thing he saw was not the class group but the top contact on his list.
His pinned contact was still the same, the landscape avatar quietly at the top.
Even the note hadn’t changed.
It was still the string of characters Yu Xun had entered on his phone in the dorm hallway when he confessed, making him want to break up on the spot.
The most handsome boyfriend in the world.
Yun Ci stared at these words for a while.
Li Yan’s message popped up: [You don’t play basketball, you don’t play games, it’s my birthday today, you have to give me some face and come to the karaoke tonight.]
Yun Ci finally relented: [What time?]
Li Yan: [Ten o’clock? It’s more atmospheric late at night. Anyway, we’re juniors now. Many people live off-campus and don’t have to follow the dorm curfew.]
Li Yan: [Zhou Wenyu lives off-campus. If it gets too late, we can go to his place.]
Yun Ci stayed in the study room until almost ten before heading off-campus.
Li Yan’s address was a newly opened KTV, a bit of a distance from the school.
Li Yan: [You’re late, bro.]
Li Yan: [Just so you know, latecomers have to drink three shots.]
Yun Ci had already entered the venue, which was quite large, luxuriously decorated with marble tiles covering the entire hall. The staff were pushing carts back and forth through the corridors.
As he walked, he sent a message.
yc: [Six shots are fine.]
yc: [I’ll give you three more.]
Walking down the narrow corridor, there were private rooms on both sides, with noise coming from the closed doors.
The lighting was dim. Red lights and green wine.
At the end of the corridor, he unexpectedly bumped into someone, dropping the gift he brought for Li Yan.
Yun Ci hurriedly put away his phone and coldly said, “Sorry.”
He said this, then looked up and saw a pair of eyes that used to be very familiar but now felt strange.
The person was holding a bag, with fingers lightly hooked around the plastic bag containing canned beer. In the summer heat, he wore a black T-shirt, tall and lean.
He stood at the end of the corridor, under the dazzling lights.
The person in front of him had short hair now, still exuding a bit of unruly casualness, but those vibes were deeply hidden, wrapped up in something profound. Even his once enchanting brows and eyes had a touch of melancholy.
A few seconds felt like a long time.
Long enough to drown someone.
Until Yu Xun bent down and casually picked up the gift box that had fallen.
Then he handed it to Yun Ci, his voice seeming to come from across a long span of time: “You dropped this.”
Yun Ci’s mind went blank for a moment.
Then he slowly realized that this was their first meeting since that day.
Back then, they said being enemies suited them better, but after stepping back, it seemed they couldn’t even be enemies anymore.
They were both twenty now.
There was no reason to be like they were in high school, constantly competing and opposing each other.
They weren’t even enemies anymore.
Ok I might have been joking all those other times but now I’m actually tearing up T_T