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Chapter 34: It is hard to love and hate.
Opening the sliding door of the wardrobe revealed a variety of clothing for all seasons—spring, summer, autumn, and winter. However, all of them belonged to Huo Niansheng. This was his suite, unlike…
Chen Wengang hesitated, and Huo Niansheng casually picked up a hanger, removing the garment hanging on it. “Wear this.”
Chen Wengang took the wine-red bathrobe, thick and soft, bearing traces of being laundered.
However, there was no underwear, and his luggage was thrown in the room downstairs.
Leaning against the wall with crossed arms, Huo Niansheng looked at him teasingly and asked, “Going commando?”
Chen Wengang turned to the living room and made a call to the concierge department, asking them to help bring it up.
The bathtub was already filled with water, emitting white steam. Although it was called a bathtub, it was more like a hot spring pool, and one had to step on the steps to get in. The metal beast-shaped hot and cold faucets held their heads high, looking domineering.
He sat on the edge of the bathtub, reaching his hand into the water. The steam made his fair and slender hand more prominent.
The ripples reflected his face, creating waves that shattered upon touch.
In his previous life, Chen Wengang had actually stayed in Huo Niansheng’s suite 707 more than ten years ago.
When he came, there would be hardly anyone here—Huo Niansheng always reserved the entire space. However, it wasn’t a festive atmosphere like this. The empty club looked deserted, like a haunted place, but there wouldn’t be any strange glances.
Chen Wengang didn’t particularly enjoy that feeling; it was just that Huo Niansheng forced him to come out and take a look.
But at least there was someone by his side—the only person he could grasp between the vast sky and sea.
Chen Wengang finished his bath peacefully, and Huo Niansheng didn’t attempt any rogue moves to disturb him.
There were new towels and toothbrushes placed on the sink, and even a new toothpaste. After tidying himself up, drying his hair, and going out, someone had also changed the bed sheets and duvet covers in the room with different patterns.
Huo Niansheng wasn’t in the room.
Chen Wengang walked to the floor-to-ceiling window, a spark reflecting in his eyes.
Huo Niansheng had his arms crossed, smoking on the spacious balcony, patiently waiting for him.
The movement behind him caught Huo Niansheng’s attention. “Finished showering?”
Chen Wengang responded with a simple “Hmm.”
“Is the water too cold?”
“Just right.”
The moonlight was cold, casting a radiant glow on the balcony. Chen Wengang adjusted his collar and walked towards him. The bathrobe hung on him, a bit oversized. The belt tied around his waist formed an elegant silhouette. However, the collar refused to stay in place, revealing a piece of bare chest.
Huo Niansheng stubbed out his half-smoked cigarette in the ashtray, turned his body towards him, and straightened his collar. He then pulled down Chen Wengang’s belt, circled it around his lower back, and tied a bowtie on his side.
The process was neat and efficient, resembling the wrapping of a grand gift.
After finishing, Huo Niansheng looked up, and Chen Wengang squinted his eyes, enjoying his service with a sense of satisfaction.
Leaning his head to the side, Chen Wengang looked at Huo Niansheng’s cigarette, trying to find a topic. “What brand do you usually smoke?”
Huo Niansheng picked up the cigarette again, took a puff, and provocatively blew the smoke toward his earlobe. “Top student, don’t you claim not to smoke?”
The cigarette box on the coffee table had foreign letters on it. Chen Wengang casually glanced at it.
He moved a bit closer, next to Huo Niansheng’s shoulder.
Huo Niansheng raised an eyebrow, finally bringing his hand over, the cigarette held between his fingers horizontally in the air.
Chen Wengang closed his eyes, placing his lips where Huo Niansheng’s had touched.
Huo Niansheng took another puff.
And so, the two of them shared the remaining half of the cigarette.
The first drag from the cigarette held a hint of hesitation for Chen Wengang, but then it became increasingly uninhibited.
Huo Niansheng indulged him, allowing Chen Wengang to guide his hand, stretching his graceful neck as he leaned in, his head resting in the palm of his (HNS) hand.
As the cigarette was extinguished, Huo Niansheng pinched Chen Wengang’s chin, lowered his head, and kissed him with meticulous tenderness.
As the cigarette burned out, Huo Niansheng pinched his chin, lowering his head to kiss him with meticulous care.
Chen Wengang’s arm encircled his neck, lost in the bittersweet sea of suffering named “Huo Niansheng.”
This kiss had the scent of tobacco and the freshness of mint left by shower gel and toothpaste on his body.
His vision became hazy, and his breathing once again became rapid and fragmented.
The moonlight was cold, but he was warm, and Huo Niansheng’s body temperature gradually rose.
The cigarette made Chen Wengang’s consciousness to float out of his body.
Huo Niansheng pressed him against himself more forcefully, as if wanting to crush him. Sometimes gentle and lingering, sometimes entwined and melancholic.
Chen Wengang clung to the back of his neck, responding with the utmost tenderness.
Huo Niansheng lifted him and tossed him onto the bed.
Comfortingly, Huo Niansheng kissed him. The newly changed bedding was fluffy and soft, carrying the warmth of sunlight.
Chen Wengang’s eyes shimmered with watery brilliance, but he placed a hand against Huo Niansheng’s chest.
Huo Niansheng kissed his ear: “Is there anything else you want to say?”
Yet Chen Wengang asked, “After today, what kind of relationship do we have?”
“What kind of relationship?”
“Is it just for tonight, or is there something more?” Chen Wengang questioned, “Will there be a future?”
“Darling,” Huo Niansheng helplessly smiled, as if not expecting him to ask such a cliché question. “I’m splurging not just to get you into bed, and certainly not to buy just one night with you. If you’re unwilling, you still have the right to refuse me.”
Chen Wengang said, “I know. I don’t want to reject you. But making things clear is important to me.”
After a pause, Huo Niansheng sat up. “You’re right. It’s better to clarify things first.”
He ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t like deceiving people. Besides not being able to promise eternity, I can give you everything else. I can’t guarantee how long we’ll be together, but as long as we are, I’ll treat you well.”
Chen Wengang looked at him, a hint of chill creeping into his heart. But he didn’t show it on his face.
Huo Niansheng tousled his hair: “Upset?”
Chen Wengang said, “I prefer a long-term relationship.”
The expression on Huo Niansheng’s face didn’t immediately change—at least he didn’t seem to react as if hearing something unexpected.
He still faced Chen Wengang with that gentle, even indulgent attitude, but his hands paused. He withdrew from Chen Wengang, sighed, sat on the edge of the bed, reached for the cigarette box and lighter, and lit another cigarette.
Chen Wengang silently stared at his back, not reminding him that it could easily ignite the sheets.
After a while, Huo Niansheng blew a smoke ring: “Maybe I really shouldn’t have provoked you.”
Chen Wengang also sat up: “Because you just wanted to have some fun, and my bold request scared you off?”
Huo Niansheng turned to look at him, his free hand holding his face. “Considering your background, it’s normal to have such thoughts. What you want is stability, not just a fling. Baoqiu has reminded me many times, but I didn’t take it too seriously. I thought we could find some common ground in the middle zone, but it turns out I took it for granted.”
Chen Wengang remained silent, pushing away his hand.
He seemed somewhat annoyed, kneeling on the bed from behind but still embracing Huo Niansheng.
Huo Niansheng understood his intentions, and Chen Wengang didn’t feel particularly upset. Moreover, Chen Wengang was mentally prepared for Huo Niansheng’s current mindset. He never expected Huo Niansheng to be madly in love with him from the start. He had deluded himself under the influence of desire and appearances. Now that the tide had receded, leaving only jagged rocks on the beach, he realized they were painful to step on—the truth wasn’t pleasant.
Chen Wengang didn’t know if this counted as a breakup, if he was too hasty, or if Huo Niansheng was just a jerk from the beginning.
In their past lives, they had no good precedent to follow, which is why it took seven years to reach a tragic end.
Feeling hollow inside, Chen Wengang now seemed to have a clearer understanding of why they were destined for such an ending.
In life, more often than not, the situations we face are neither easy to love nor easy to hate.
So what?
Does that mean we have to tread the same old path again in this lifetime?
It was not a lack of patience, but rather the burden of holding onto too many memories alone, with no one to share them, constantly being gnawed at by solitude at every moment.
He was like a giant beast in the deep sea; no matter how he called out, he couldn’t find a response from his kind. There would come a day when he would go mad.
Chen Wengang lowered his head, pressing his lips gently against the top of Huo Niansheng’s head.
Moving downward, he kissed his nape and shoulders.
His kisses were like soft raindrops, carrying a sense of preciousness that was so pure that it made it awkward to harbor any other desires.
Finally, Huo Niansheng surrendered, gently pulling away from him. “Forget it; let’s sleep for now. We can talk about other things later.”
Chen Wengang still remained silent and didn’t let go.
He slowly untied the belt of his own bathrobe: “Of course, there can be an understanding. If you just want to go to bed, let’s make that clear in advance, I can handle it—”
Huo Niansheng, however, had a headache: “Darling, the way you’re talking, it’s like an underage person trying to act like an adult in a nightclub, with a face full of needing someone to take responsibility for you. I’m worried that you haven’t really thought it through. Today it seems okay; tomorrow you might hesitate, and the day after you could regret it. By then, there’s no turning back.”
Chen Wengang replied, “Mr. Huo is truly admirable for saying ‘he doesn’t want to take responsibility’ so refreshingly and elegantly.”
Huo Niansheng said, “No, I really like you—otherwise, I would have already done whatever I wanted to you. What can you do about it? Wengang, at this point, I’ve given you choices again and again because it’s you.”
He stood up. “As long as you feel it’s not okay, let’s not start.”
The conversation had reached an impasse, and Chen Wengang chuckled after a while. “I’ll go sleep downstairs.”
Huo Niansheng patted his head: “The luggage is all brought up; don’t bother anymore. You can sleep on the sofa outside if you want. I’ll go to the adjacent room. You had a fever at night; have a good rest. It’s better to have someone take care of you.”
Chen Wengang was stunned, but Huo Niansheng had already closed the bedroom door.
The bathroom door opened and closed again, followed by the sound of water, creating a chilly ambiance.
Chen Wengang closed his eyes and covered himself with the blanket.
Amidst the sound of water, he frowned, gripping the bedsheet tightly.
***
It was supposed to be a sleepless night, but Chen Wengang, wrapped in the bathrobe that Huo Niansheng had worn, quickly drifted off to sleep.
Yet, a series of dreams left him more exhausted than awake.
The initial scenes were extremely picturesque, filling in everything that should have happened that night.
Chen Wengang couldn’t distinguish between past and present; sometimes it was Huo Niansheng holding him, tender and affectionate, or demanding and unrestrained. Other times, it was a cacophony of voices: “… facing that face, and still able to… Is it the same with the lights off and clothes off?”
The scene shifted, and Huo Niansheng was coldly smoking. When he saw Chen Wengang, he suddenly put on a nonchalant smile, waving him over. “Come here.” Chen Wengang walked over, and Huo Niansheng tossed the cigarette, kissing his forehead.
Chen Wengang hugged him but heard him whisper in his ear, “Forget it, you’re not even ready.”
…
Upon waking up, consciousness slowly returned.
Chen Wengang thought somewhat self-deprecatingly that perhaps he should learn how to write the characters for “romance.” Otherwise, how did such a great atmosphere from last night turn into a mess?
Breakfast was arranged on the dining table in the living room, featuring a mix of Eastern and Western dishes: croissants, sandwiches, pan-fried bacon, vegetable salad, meat sauce spaghetti, vegetable and pig liver congee, soup dumplings, tea eggs, lily chicken feet, Yangzhou fried rice, braised noodles, milk, soy milk, and more.
Huo Niansheng had called room service, providing an overly generous selection, yet he was nowhere to be found.
Chen Wengang stood in the living room for a while, then turned on the TV.
The morning news broadcast immediately filled the room, adding a bit of a lively atmosphere.
Sitting alone at the table, he had breakfast while listening to the news and checking his phone.
Both Zheng Baoqiu and Qi Tongzhou had sent him quite a few messages expressing their concern, and Chen Wengang replied to each of them.
Those two fellows, however, remained silent, probably not waking up so early.
After changing his clothes, Chen Wengang went downstairs. A few people were seen along the way, probably still hungover or lingering in the land of dreams.
He sat alone in the lobby, feeling a bit bored. Li Hongqiong, wearing sportswear, came over. “Morning, want to go mountain climbing?”
Chen Wengang smiled and agreed, then asked if she had seen Huo Niansheng.
Li Hongqiong nodded. “He took the yacht out to sea. I don’t know what he’s thinking. Originally, he said we’d go together in the afternoon.”
After saying that, she scrutinized Chen Wengang’s expression. He seemed a bit silent.
This led Li Hongqiong to conclude that they had a disagreement—though, in reality, it wasn’t entirely accurate.
For anything else, Chen Wengang could be indifferent, even if they had a real quarrel. What he was concerned about was Huo Niansheng going out to sea. Just those few words were enough to make his heart skip a beat. Even if Huo Niansheng didn’t experience an accident at this time and place in his past life, there was always a shadow in Chen Wengang’s heart.
The two walked up the mountain along a small path. Li Hongqiong asked him again, “It seemed a bit chaotic yesterday. Are you okay now?”
Chen Wengang smiled. “No need to worry; it’s an old problem of mine. I scared each one of you.”
Walking ahead, he seemed deep in thought. Li Hongqiong observed his slender and upright figure from behind, his shoulders straight, and his posture calm. He appeared to be a person of quiet elegance.
No wonder her godbrother had been low-spirited at her place for half the night yesterday, not only out of concern.
However, surprisingly, Huo Niansheng didn’t make a move against him. Li Hongqiong found that quite unexpected.
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