Chapter 90: A secret took shape.
The wind gusted repeatedly, making the windows bang, and rainwater seeped through the cracks, running down the walls to the floor.
Lu Qinglai walked into the room carrying dinner and, as expected, saw Zhou You curled up on the bed, tightly clutching his head, groaning through clenched teeth.
He set down the dinner and sat on the edge of the bed, calling out softly, “Zhou You.”
Zhou You trembled and instinctively grabbed Lu Qinglai’s fingers. He gripped so tightly that Lu Qinglai almost thought he was trying to twist his fingers off.
“Keep going…” Zhou You’s voice was trembling, “Keep calling my name…”
Lu Qinglai pressed against his back, pushing him down onto the bed, leaning close to Zhou You’s ear. He wanted to say something to provoke Zhou You, but changed his mind at the last moment, and instead, licked Zhou You’s ear. Lu Qinglai almost immediately got excited.
“I can help you, alright?” Lu Qinglai panted heavily like a trapped beast, “I’m an adjustor, I can help you. Let me into your ‘sea area,’ just for a while, it won’t be uncomfortable… alright?”
Zhou You did not resist; instead, he turned his face slightly. He hooked his fingers around Lu Qinglai’s, glancing at Lu Qinglai’s flushed face, and opened his mouth.
Under normal circumstances, Lu Qinglai would be cautious. But the Zhou You in front of him was too weak to resist him, so he leaned in, intending to kiss Zhou You.
The moment their faces touched, Lu Qinglai suddenly froze. The next instant, he screamed as if electrocuted and rolled off the bed.
The “sea area” had been attacked. Zhou You had invaded his sea area at the moment he let his guard down, inflicting familiar pain at a rapid pace.
Lu Qinglai lay on the floor for a long time, unable to get up. Zhou You had given him only pain, with no pleasure. Terror gripped his heart and sea area instantly, saliva dripping from his mouth, and the humid air and sound of wind and rain felt like giant hands pressing him firmly to the floor.
He eventually lay down completely, with his ear against the floor.
The soundproofing in the guesthouse was terrible; it wasn’t a proper establishment. They wouldn’t have stayed at a proper place. A hundred yuan per room, with the living room downstairs where guests played music, sang, and made noise. They were hiding from the wind and rain in a village near Migang.
At that moment, Lu Qinglai suddenly felt disheartened. Why did he follow Zhou You here? He didn’t have to come; he couldn’t even figure out Zhou You’s real purpose for returning to Luquan. He had now become Zhou You’s slave, willing to do anything Zhou You commanded. It was so shameful, so embarrassing… Lu Qinglai turned over, lying on his back on the floor. When he turned his head, he saw Zhou You’s hand hanging over the edge of the bed.
It was an adult’s hand, with two fine scars on the back, almost indistinguishable from the skin.
Lu Qinglai remembered Zhou You’s appearance when they first met. He was hiding in the woods near Jiwusi, naked, covered only with a thin tent skin.
Lu Qinglai’s spirit animal was a monkey, a master at finding companions. Even so, it took a lot of effort to gain Zhou You’s trust.
Sitting up from the floor, Lu Qinglai crawled to the bedside, grabbed Zhou You’s hand, and kissed his pale, thin fingers. He even wanted to put those fingers into his mouth, to warm them with his tongue, to wet them with his saliva—but that would surely anger Zhou You.
The earlier disheartenment seemed to vanish from Lu Qinglai’s heart as if it had never existed. He softly apologized to Zhou You, saying he had been too reckless, saying he was just too tired, which made him act inappropriately.
Zhou You’s expression showed some loathing. But even the loathing was something Lu Qinglai liked; he kissed the back of the hand carefully while keeping a close eye on Zhou You’s tired eyes. Because he was distracted, the pain in Zhou You’s sea area seemed to momentarily cease.
“If you go crazy again, just leave,” Zhou You suddenly said.
Lu Qinglai dared not speak, nodding to this young man who was almost young enough to be his son.
As always, Zhou You punished him but would give him a bit of gentle comfort afterward.
“I want to drink,” Zhou You said.
For Zhou You to command him meant that Lu Qinglai was still useful to him. Lu Qinglai hurriedly brought a bowl of barley wine. Zhou You sat on the bed and finished it, returning to his usual indifferent demeanor. The calming of his sea area brought relief. The closer he got to Luquan, the more frequent his headaches became. He knew it wasn’t something physical that could be controlled; it was his fear acting up. The fear of Warehouse Zero was like a rusted crowbar, constantly prying open his memories, awakening the sharp, deep pain.
Seeing Lu Qinglai’s hesitant expression, Zhou You remained silent for a moment. The strong liquor made his whole body hot, easing the discomfort of the pain.
“What do you want to say?”
“…I want to ask something.”
Zhou You glanced at the wind and rain outside the window. The walls and ceiling of the room were saturated with deep blues, yellows, and reds. Traditional fabrics and patterns hung overhead, and the pale window was adorned with intricately patterned iron bars. Surrounded by all this, the space seemed like an otherworldly place he had never visited. The sound of the wind and rain was exhausting. Zhou You looked at Lu Qinglai’s face and finally gave his slave a chance to ask his question: “Speak.”
Lu Qinglai stared intently at Zhou You. The room was dim, the light yellowish, making Zhou You look like a withered ghost.
“‘Zhou You’… what does that name really mean?” Lu Qinglai’s voice was very low, very gentle. He spoke slowly, one word at a time, steadily posing his question.
Zhou You knew this was his questioning technique. He had never told anyone the origin of his name, but at this moment, in this otherworldly place, he suddenly felt a pity for his slave. This was a feeling Zhou You had never experienced before. It was unfamiliar to him, and then, he answered Lu Qinglai’s question: “It’s an identity I stole from someone else.”
Zhou You had once asked him if he needed a name.
He said he didn’t need one.
Zhou You insisted on giving him one, but was afraid of offending him: “I’ll think of a few, and you can tell me which one sounds good, and we can go from there.”
“No need, I don’t need one.” He sat on the floor, his head resting on Zhou You’s knee, the soft carpet brushing against his ear, and he suddenly realized: he was unconsciously seeking comfort from Zhou You.
As he wished, Zhou You reached out and patted his head.
The thick-browed, wide-eyed boy was a bit shy: “You’re like a cat.”
There was no one else in the silent house. Zhou Yiqing was out working, and he was accompanying Zhou You. He would do anything for Zhou You; he even wanted to be Zhou You’s pet.
“Then I’ll be your cat.” After saying that, he felt his face burning.
“You’re a person,” Zhou You said seriously, “You should have a name. What kind of name do you like?”
“…I like your name.” He whispered, “Zhou You. Zhou You… Zhou You… Zhou You…”
He started calling Zhou You’s name over and over until the boy in the wheelchair blushed and covered his mouth, laughing. Everything seemed to come naturally. He kissed Zhou You’s palm, then pressed their burning faces together. He didn’t even dare kiss Zhou You’s lips, only cautiously kissing his cheek.
A secret was formed.
It was a day in early spring. He had spent the long, cold winter in the Wangdu District, in Zhou You’s home, and now possessed a burning secret.
Zhou Yiqing was rarely home, leaving him and Zhou You plenty of time and space.
He liked hugging Zhou You, liked caressing Zhou You’s muscles, which were slack from a lack of activity, but Zhou You resisted his touch. He slowly found a way that both he and Zhou You could accept: after Zhou Yiqing went out, he could spend a long time with Zhou You on the bed. Zhou You would talk to him about the universe, the workings of the world, the history of special humans and ordinary humans, and he would be keen on licking Zhou You’s earlobes and kissing the corners of his mouth during these conversations, interrupting his long speeches.
Zhou You was puzzled, not knowing what joy his half-numb body could bring to the new guest in the house. But Zhou You soon realized that the handsome, pretty boy in front of him seemed truly interested not in his body but in him. He would hold him in a way a mother holds a child, always gazing at him with attachment and admiration. The lust turned into cautious caresses. The thin curtains veiled the spring light, and they carefully enjoyed their private pleasure, opening their souls and “sea areas” to each other.
The first time he entered Zhou You’s “sea area,” he lingered for a long time, reluctant to leave. It was a city suspended upside down in the sky, with roads leading in all directions. He didn’t understand the reason for its formation, but he loved this place, for no particular reason. He couldn’t bear to give Zhou You any pain and directly stirred a wave of pleasure in the “sea area.”
Shocked by this terrible pleasure, Zhou You was very scared and confused.
Even now, he found Zhou You interesting.
Zhou You taught him to read, taught him to use a computer, and shared all his years of research on white noise with him. He learned quickly, and the more he learned, the more he understood: the boy he encountered was a true genius. Zhou You told him, “I have very few friends,” “No one wants to be my true friend.” He was always puzzled: How could that be? He could understand why people didn’t like him, because he had no identity, no background; but he couldn’t understand why anyone wouldn’t like Zhou You.
He wanted Zhou You to love him.
Though he couldn’t give examples, he began to harbor such a desire: he wanted to be the only person Zhou You relied on, more important than Zhou Yiqing, even more important than Zhou You himself.
He revealed more secrets to Zhou You, like those about his mother.
The first time he realized he could enter someone else’s “sea area” was discovered through his mother. After his mother was beaten by his father, he, too scared to speak, tried to approach her. Pain and fear had driven the woman to near collapse. When he touched his mother’s shoulder, he felt as if he had fallen into an abyss.
His mother’s “sea area” was very deep and dark. After several attempts, he finally found the self-awareness hidden in this “sea area” belonging to his mother.
The young him confessed his desires to this version of his mother, who was much gentler than the real one: love me, protect me.
That night, very unusually, his mother actually hugged him. He was both surprised and delighted, vaguely understanding that his words had worked.
He was being protected and loved.
That night, his mother made a request to his father. She said their son was old enough to go to school.
He looked at Zhou You and said slowly, “Then, he killed my mother.”
A shovel was forced into his hands, along with several heavy slaps. Crying, he dug a hole in the yard and dragged his mother’s corpse into it.
He recounted the whole process calmly and collectedly, including how he pushed the stone to kill Zhou Xuefeng. He wasn’t agitated at all; to him, it was just a “story,” a story that, although related to him, had long since passed.
But Zhou You cried. His master struggled to sit up from the wheelchair and tightly embraced his pet. At that moment, he was filled with an indescribable excitement, not even bothering to show a hint of sadness: he wanted Zhou You to always hold him in this gentle way, to comfort him, with every gesture exchanging unspoken vows.
The rain was still heavy, and Lu Qinglai sat in a chair, keeping some distance from Zhou You.
He observed Zhou You, as if looking at his own consultant.
“You wanted Zhou You to love you, so when you entered his ‘sea area,’ you imposed a suggestion on him,” Lu Qinglai sighed, not knowing whether to laugh or feel pity, “It failed, didn’t it?”
In the inverted city, he finally found Zhou You’s self-awareness. In his “sea area,” the thick-browed, wide-eyed boy didn’t need a wheelchair; he was strong and tall, able to run and jump.
“…I don’t know what he was resisting.”
Lu Qinglai really laughed this time: “Of course he resisted. He likes you. But no one wants someone else to forcibly implant such feelings in their mind.”
“I don’t understand.” The young man’s face was pale, but his expression was calm.
Lu Qinglai suddenly thought that perhaps he had the same expression when he told the real Zhou You about his parents’ deaths.
“And then?” Lu Qinglai asked gently. He was sitting in a chair by the bed, daringly reaching out to pat the back of Zhou You’s hand.
Zhou You was silent.
“You were very angry, weren’t you? You only know one way to make others love you, which is to alter their ‘sea area,’ but this method failed. You thought you were useless, right?” The low, steady voice echoed in the small room as Lu Qinglai gazed into Zhou You’s eyes, “You were angry with yourself, and you were angry with Zhou You. And then? You wanted to prove that you were loved, didn’t you? You wanted to prove that your ability was still useful…”
So he turned to Zhou Yiqing.
Entering Zhou Yiqing’s “sea area” was extremely easy. He slipped in while Zhou Yiqing was asleep, effortlessly breaching the seawall and finding Zhou Yiqing’s self-awareness.
“Then he died.” Zhou You didn’t elaborate, simply summarizing, “Dad… Dad went crazy and left home.”
Lu Qinglai grasped Zhou You’s fingers. Suddenly, his Zhou You became docile, but this docility made Lu Qinglai angry: it turned out the name “Zhou You” was hiding a secret, a secret he could never share or be part of.
To make others love him, he would enter their “sea area” and control them. This was the only method Zhou You was familiar with. Unfortunately, he failed every time. The love he hoped for never came back to him in the way he wanted.
Lu Qinglai suddenly clutched Zhou You’s hand, pulling it to his chest, pressing it against his left side.
“Control me, Zhou You…” He used great force, making Zhou You frown slightly from the pain in his palm, finally looking directly at Lu Qinglai.
In his indifferent gaze, Lu Qinglai suddenly shouted, “Then control me! Make me love you!”
Zhou You’s frown deepened, then he let out a slight smile: “No need.”
Lu Qinglai’s chest heaved. This was his first time directly expressing his feelings to Zhou You, but Zhou You must have already known his thoughts.
“Even if I don’t control you, you’re already my slave.” Zhou You said softly, “I don’t need the kind of feelings you’re talking about. If I want, I can control many people to like me, to depend on me, anytime.”
“It’s different… It’s not the same…” Lu Qinglai grabbed his hand, pressing it to his face, both angry and pleading, “They are confused by pleasure, they don’t really love you. They don’t love you. If they had the chance, they would leave you immediately. Don’t you remember? You said it yourself, that sentinel friend of yours in Wangdu District, Bian Han, he’s the same… He likes the pain and pleasure you give him, but he doesn’t like you at all, he even hates you…”
“What did you say?”
“Only me! Choose me!” Lu Qinglai shouted, “Why don’t you want me! I’ve already proven it to you, you destroy others’ sea areas, leaving them with false memories, and I can do it too! I can make false memories their real, certain past! I have the same control over ‘sea areas’ as you do! I’m not inferior to you, Zhou You…”
“Shut up!” Zhou You shouted crazily, trying to break free from Lu Qinglai’s grip.
“You destroy, and I build new false ‘sea areas.’ We can work together very well.” Lu Qinglai didn’t let him escape, his strength greater than the thin Zhou You’s, “Am I not enough? Is my proof not enough?”
Zhou You stopped struggling. He knew Lu Qinglai wouldn’t dare harm him, but he felt momentarily puzzled.
Lu Qinglai was right. Zhou You suddenly realized that almost every time he manipulated someone, it ended in failure, except for Lu Qinglai.
Lu Qinglai had found him near Luquan. After wandering through the unconscious Xie Zijing’s “sea area,” this conditioner was shocked by the foul, bloody rain and the ruins in Xie Zijing’s “sea area.” He told the people at the Western Office that there was nothing wrong with Xie Zijing’s “sea area,” but he began piecing together possible facts based on snippets from those around him and secretly searching for the mysterious and powerful guide.
He was infatuated with himself, just as he was infatuated with and admired Zhou You. However, he had never implanted any suggestions of love in Lu Qinglai’s “sea area.” He gave Lu Qinglai pain and then pleasure, but he never intended for this person to love him.
For the first time since leaving Wangdu District, Zhou You was confused by an unfamiliar emotion.
At this moment, a civilian pickup truck stopped at the gate of the Western Office’s courtyard.
It was about 180 kilometers from Migan.
The guard at the gate stared at this unfamiliar vehicle, watching as three people got out: two sentinels and a guide.
Bai Xiaoyuan surveyed the courtyard and buildings in front of her, her gaze settling on the guard.
Tang Cuo took out the Crisis Office’s ID, holding one for himself and handing the other two to Bai Xiaoyuan and Gao Shu beside him.
Gao Shu was not an employee of the Crisis Office; his ID was urgently made by Gao Tianyue, with the title “Director’s Assistant.”
“We’re from headquarters,” Bai Xiaoyuan said as she walked up to the guard, showing her ID.
The guard checked the IDs and, after confirming they were genuine, nodded, “Hello. But we haven’t received any documents about people coming from headquarters.”
Bai Xiaoyuan maintained a serious expression, “This is a confidential operation. The documents were delivered directly to the relevant personnel.”
The guard looked at her, “Which relevant personnel?”
Bai Xiaoyuan: “…”
The guard at the Western Office was far more vigilant than the doorman at headquarters.
Bai Xiaoyuan glanced back at Tang Cuo and Gao Shu, signaling Gao Shu to step forward. Gao Shu, being tall and imposing, had a more authoritative presence when standing in front of the guard compared to Bai Xiaoyuan.
His approach made the guard wary, and Bai Xiaoyuan suddenly noticed that black hair was sprouting on the young guard’s neck and jaw.
She had a sudden realization, “Are you a werewolf?”
The guard stared at her, “State your identity and purpose, or you cannot enter.”
Bai Xiaoyuan suddenly found his fierce face somewhat endearing, “We are friends of Lei Chi.”
Lei Chi was the president of the Werewolf Association, the most well-known werewolf among the existing ones. Hearing his name, the guard’s expression changed slightly.
“Lei Chi will be coming here as well,” Bai Xiaoyuan lied without batting an eye, still serious and earnest, “Comrade, we are on a special mission. It’s highly confidential, and I can’t tell you any details.”
The guard thought for a moment, “If you can’t tell me, then contact your liaison directly and have them come to get you. If you can’t reach them, sorry, but you can’t enter the office.”
Bai Xiaoyuan was helpless, “We’re looking for Qin Yeshi, who is from headquarters.”
As soon as she finished speaking, a furry bear face suddenly peeked out from the duty room behind the guard. Immediately afterward, a middle-aged man appeared from behind the bear face.
He scrutinized the three young strangers at the gate, his calm face showing clear arrogance and impatience, “Who’s looking for me?”
