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Chapter 68: For a moment, he felt like a child seeking protection
On the two days off from work, Qin Ge and Xie Zijing did nothing serious. Besides eating and sleeping, they just went out wandering.
Xie Zijing was puzzled about how Qin Ge managed to get two days off, and why he also got to rest for two days along with him. Qin Ge gave him a random reason: “Gao Tianyue said the Adjustment Department has a heavy workload recently, so we are allowed to take staggered vacations.”
Xie Zijing completely trusted him and didn’t suspect a thing.
They went to the zoo, climbed mountains, rowed boats in Beihai Park, drank in Houhai, and rode shared bikes from 798 Art District to Wangjing, trying to spot famous entertainers along the way.
Xie Zijing thoroughly enjoyed these two days, doing nothing and wasting time. This matched his desires perfectly.
“If only we could retire tomorrow,” he said, hugging Qin Ge. “We’d both be retired, healthy, with no illnesses or pain, and our combined pensions would be at least ten thousand, right? The air here is terrible, so we should move to the south, or I could take you to the office in the west, buy a small house, and live there for one, ten, or twenty years.”
Qin Ge looked at him, wrapped in the blanket. When Xie Zijing talked about these things, there was a childish sparkle in his eyes.
Children are always full of hope for the future. Adults are different. In their hopes, there is inevitably some worry.
Qin Ge hugged him, the thin blanket wrapping around both of them, their skin touching intimately and tenderly. He kissed Xie Zijing’s nose and said, “Again.”
Xie Zijing was a bit surprised, “You’re particularly proactive today.”
Qin Ge: “Don’t you like it?”
“I love it…” Xie Zijing kissed him hard, “It just feels a bit off. What’s wrong with you, Qin Ge?”
“Thinking about going to work tomorrow, I don’t want to get out of bed.” Qin Ge spoke against his chest, listening to Xie Zijing’s steady and powerful heartbeat.
Xie Zijing had always been accommodating to his wishes. They rolled around in bed again, and Xie Zijing heard his phone ringing. He reached for it from the bedside table and saw a message from Bai Xiaoyuan in the Adjustment Department group, asking if Qin Ge and Xie Zijing would be back to work the next day.
Qin Ge got up and walked to the bathroom, replying slowly, “Yes.”
He stayed in the bathroom for a long time, so long that Xie Zijing thought he had fallen asleep. After knocking on the door several times, Qin Ge finally came out, his eyes a bit red, “Water got in my eyes.”
Xie Zijing washed roughly because he had something on his mind he wanted to discuss with Qin Ge. He came out with a wet head and saw Qin Ge sitting on the sofa, drinking beer.
“Qin Ge, I have something to discuss with you,” Xie Zijing said while drying his hair with a towel, “Let’s live together. Either you move in, or I move in.”
Qin Ge stared at him, holding a can of beer, “Why?”
Xie Zijing: “It’s more convenient.”
Qin Ge thought for a moment, then lowered his head and said, “Still, it’s better to have some personal space.”
Xie Zijing rubbed his hair but said nothing. Qin Ge’s hair was very soft and black. Wet, it felt cool in his fingers; now half-dried, it felt like touching a lion’s mane.
He suddenly laughed, and Qin Ge turned to look at him and asked, “What’s so funny?”
“You’re the one being inexplicable.” Xie Zijing moved closer and hugged him, “Tell me, what’s really going on these past two days? Is something wrong at home? Or is there really something wrong with my ‘sea area’?”
Qin Ge: “…Why do you ask that?”
Xie Zijing pinched the flesh on his waist and underarm, making Qin Ge nearly jump up. He couldn’t help but laugh, and soon he was pinned on the sofa by Xie Zijing. Xie Zijing kissed him on the lips and said, “You’ve been acting strange these past two days. Tell me, okay?”
For some reason, Xie Zijing’s gentleness and attentiveness made Qin Ge feel even sadder. He always felt he could foresee the ending, but they couldn’t avoid the only option.
To uncover the truth of the Luquan incident and to truly restore Xie Zijing to normal, he had to destroy and then rebuild his sea area.
He hugged Xie Zijing’s neck, feeling for a moment like a child seeking protection.
“I have something to tell you,” Qin Ge said.
***
The place to repair the sea area was ultimately chosen to be the top floor of the Crisis Office, after much deliberation by Zhang Xiao.
With Zhang Xiao’s request and Cai Yi’s help, the place finally became a dedicated workspace for the Adjustment Department. When the news came, Bai Xiaoyuan and Tang Cuo didn’t feel much joy.
Xie Zijing was in the workspace, having a physical examination by doctors from 267th Hospital. Qin Ge was outside, explaining the complex situation to Bai Xiaoyuan and Tang Cuo.
Both Bai Xiaoyuan and Tang Cuo stared at him, their eyes filled with concern that Qin Ge couldn’t ignore.
“…It’ll be fine,” he proactively reassured them, “He’ll be fine.”
Tang Cuo couldn’t believe it, “Will he forget me and Xiaoyuan?”
“I’m not sure,” Qin Ge said, “You two are very important in his sea area. In that abnormal little room, there are your panda and Xiaoyuan’s sand cat.”
Bai Xiaoyuan looked at him and asked, “What about you?”
Qin Ge didn’t answer at first.
Bai Xiaoyuan: “Qin Ge, what about you? Will he forget you too? That’s impossible; it doesn’t make sense. I’ve studied the sea area too; memories aren’t stored like that. Unless brain cells are damaged, the memory area can’t just…”
“It’s possible,” Tang Cuo suddenly said, “Xiaoyuan, I’ve seen such cases too. After a major mental trauma, the brain will automatically activate a protection program, suppressing painful memories.”
Bai Xiaoyuan glared at him, “Are you saying the days he spent with us and Qin Ge were painful for him?”
Tang Cuo: “I don’t mean that. But the sea area is our mental world; we can’t predict what will happen.”
Qin Ge stopped their argument.
“I have a small request,” Qin Ge said, “If he really can’t remember later, like…for example, our relationship, please don’t remind him.”
Tang Cuo was stunned, “Why?!”
Qin Ge: “Don’t say, please don’t say.”
Tang Cuo stared at him and said, “Qin Ge, I disagree. He should remember you!”
Qin Ge: “It’s not necessary!”
Or rather, it’s not that it’s not necessary—Qin Ge knew very well in his heart that he was just scared. He was afraid that Xie Zijing would truly forget, and even if someone reminded him, he would remember nothing.
If Xie Zijing has no recollection of this relationship, then if Tang Cuo or Bai Xiaoyuan tell him, “You once loved Qin Ge very much,” it would be akin to imposing a romantic fantasy on Xie Zijing, who has already returned to normal.
If he forgets, then so be it. He shouldn’t hold on to any love stories that he can’t remember.
Bai Xiaoyuan’s reaction wasn’t as intense as Tang Cuo’s; she silently held Qin Ge’s hand.
“We’ll stay with you,” she said. “We’ll wait for your good news.”
About half an hour later, Xie Zijing walked out of the room.
“I’m going for a smoke,” he said, heading towards the fire escape. Qin Ge wanted to follow, but Yan Hong came out of the room and called him over, “Qin Ge, come here. You need to sign off on these reports.”
Tang Cuo hesitated for a moment and then walked towards the stairwell.
Xie Zijing was sitting on the stairs, a cigarette in his mouth, writing and drawing in a notebook.
“What are you doing?” Tang Cuo peeked over, “Qin Ge likes loquats but doesn’t like peeling them?”
“Go away.” Xie Zijing was startled, quickly covering the notebook in his lap. “This is private between me and Qin Ge.”
Tang Cuo sat down beside him and asked, “What are you writing?”
Xie Zijing stubbed out his cigarette, slowly exhaling the last puff of smoke.
“Things about Qin Ge.” He doodled a few circles on the edge of the notebook and labeled them in small characters, “His favorite, white jade loquats.” “He said I might forget him.”
Tang Cuo remained silent. Xie Zijing carefully added branches and leaves to his circles, then remembered something new and scribbled another line under the loquats: “Bunny likes playing with loquat seeds.”
“I won’t forget.” Xie Zijing said as he wrote, “I’ll write down everything about him. When I wake up, I’ll read it immediately.”
Tang Cuo then understood his intention. The notebook was palm-sized, a small memo book issued by the Crisis Office. Xie Zijing had already filled half of it, with each page densely packed, sometimes accompanied by his own crude sketches.
“I didn’t sleep at all last night. It took a lot to get Qin Ge to lie down, and I wrote all night.” Xie Zijing looked at what he had written on this page and suddenly laughed, “I didn’t realize there would be so much to write.”
Tang Cuo: “You two haven’t known each other that long.”
Xie Zijing: “It’s been a long time. At least I’ve known him for a long time.”
He closed the notebook and carefully put it in his inner pocket, then turned to Tang Cuo, put a finger to his lips, and said, “Shh.”
“…Why not let him know?” Tang Cuo found the way Qin Ge and Xie Zijing considered each other very complicated, “If he knew, he would be very touched.”
“He will know. When he thinks I’ve forgotten him, I’ll give him a surprise.” He pointed at Tang Cuo and said, “Don’t spill the beans, or you’re done for.”
Tang Cuo thought that when you wake up, you might even forget me and Bai Xiaoyuan.
Suddenly, Xie Zijing remembered something else, hurriedly took out the notebook, and quickly jotted down another line.
When he and Tang Cuo returned to the room, everything was ready.
Xie Zijing solemnly hugged Bai Xiaoyuan and Tang Cuo, then finally walked to Qin Ge and hugged him formally. But the hug lasted a bit too long, and Qin Ge could hear his heartbeat, rapid and fast.
He was also nervous, just pretending to be calm.
“This time, it’s my turn to say this.” Xie Zijing took a deep breath and whispered in Qin Ge’s ear, “Don’t be afraid.”
Everyone left, and only Qin Ge, Xie Zijing, Zhang Xiao, and Gao Qiong remained in the room. Zhang Xiao told him that this time, he and Qin Ge would again enter Xie Zijing’s “sea area.” The process would be longer than last time, but Xie Zijing need not worry, there would be no problems.
“Trust me and your guide,” Zhang Xiao said.
Qin Ge brushed aside the hair on his forehead without hesitation and kissed his brow.
“Thank you,” Xie Zijing said softly.
The cold liquid was injected into his body. As he drifted into sleep, he saw a few little sand cats standing at the small window at the top, dutifully on guard.
A bird swooped low, and the sand cats made threatening noises, raising their paws.
The bird was startled and quickly flapped its wings, turning to fly away. It wandered for a long time, far away, passing over a suburban villa complex. The shadow cast by its wings brushed past a middle-aged man rushing by.
The middle-aged man dashed through the door of a villa.
“Zhou You!”
Lu Qinglai shouted.
No one answered him. He heard faint sounds coming from the basement and ran towards the stairs leading down.
In the almost empty basement, Zhou You was curled up in the center, clutching his head and moaning in pain, struggling like a fish out of water.
Lu Qinglai dropped what he was holding and ran over to pick up Zhou You.
Zhou You opened his bloodshot eyes, and upon seeing Lu Qinglai, he immediately grabbed his collar tightly and said, “My name… my… my name!”
“Zhou You! You are Zhou You!” Lu Qinglai held him as if holding his own child, “Zhou You, my Zhou You… your name is Zhou You…”
He kept calling Zhou You’s name until Zhou You’s breathing finally calmed down.
Zhou You gasped for breath, pushed Lu Qinglai away, and slowly stood up from the ground. He was drenched in cold sweat, with his back and chest completely soaked. The basement’s single pale energy-saving light cast a shadow over his dark hair and eyes, making them look even darker, while his face was extremely pale, with not a trace of color on his lips.
He smoothed his sweaty hair and irritably unbuttoned his shirt, revealing his thin neck and collarbone.
“I didn’t ask you to come.” Zhou You said coldly, “Lu Qinglai, do you have some misunderstandings about yourself?”
Seeing the ring on Lu Qinglai’s left ring finger made him even angrier, “Throw away these boring fantasies of yours!”
Lu Qinglai silently watched him. He knew that every time Zhou You had a severe headache, he would become exceptionally irritable.
“…I can help you, Zhou You.” He was almost pleading with Zhou You, “Let me help you, let me enter your ‘sea area’…”
Under Zhou You’s gaze, he shuddered and forcibly stopped his words.
Zhou You walked to the wall and sat down, his chest still heaving. The intense neuralgia had subsided, but the excruciating pain, like his flesh was being cut, still lingered in his mind. He knew he was still trembling slightly. Lu Qinglai crawled to his side, lowered his head to kiss the toe of his shoe, and seeing no reaction, kissed the hem of his pants. Zhou You remained expressionless, not thinking about anything related to Lu Qinglai at the moment.
“I’m not interested in doing anything to you today.” He didn’t even glance at Lu Qinglai and say, “Get out.”
Lu Qinglai’s hand froze. He looked up at Zhou You, who was staring at a patch of pale light on the ground. A few insects were hitting the energy-saving bulb with faint clicking sounds.
“I came to tell you that Zhang Xiao is back,” Lu Qinglai said softly, “I will be exposed soon.”
As he wished, Zhou You finally looked directly at him.
But he still said nothing.
Lu Qinglai’s throat was dry, and he swallowed with difficulty, “Are you thinking that the time to abandon me is coming?”
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