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Chapter 36: Can personality be destroyed?
Qin Ge planned to go find Lu Qinglai and decided to approach him face-to-face.
The shocking revelation about Bi Fan and Bi Xingyi had a profound impact on him. He had never imagined that a fellow psychological adjuster from the same profession could do such a terrible thing.
Lei Chi furrowed his brow and asked, “Is it safe? Do you need us to arrange for someone to accompany you?”
“Xie Zijing and I will go together,” Qin Ge replied. “Our section chief advised me not to dwell on this matter, as it’s already been handed over to your department, and we shouldn’t interfere. However, I still need to investigate the ‘sea area’ aspect. Don’t worry; I won’t tip him off. We already had some professional interactions, so finding an excuse to visit him is easy.”
Lei Chi nodded: “As long as you don’t let Lu Qinglai patrol your ‘sea area,’ he shouldn’t be able to harm you.”
“My ‘sea area’ doesn’t have any vulnerabilities for him to invade,” Qin Ge smiled. “The human psyche is quite resilient, and even an adjuster can’t just intrude at will. Cases like Bi Fan and Bi Xingyi are rare.”
Lei Chi remained non-committal. He glanced at his watch, waved to Qin Ge, and headed toward the office building.
“Lei Chi, wait!” A strange thought suddenly crossed Qin Ge’s mind, making him involuntarily stop Lei Chi.
Lei Chi asked, “What is it?”
“It’s not to help you, and it’s not to speak well of Bai Xiaoyuan,” Qin Ge smiled and said, “I just think you should know.”
Lei Chi hesitated for a moment and then stopped, asking, “What do you mean?”
“Although Bai Xiaoyuan claims to have a boyfriend, we have never seen him,” Qin Ge said. “Not only our department but it can be said that no one in the Crisis Management Office has ever seen him. She says her boyfriend works at the National Library, but she hasn’t mentioned his full name, position, or anything about him.”
Lei Chi raised an eyebrow and asked, “What do you mean?”
Qin Ge: “You can interpret it however you like.”
Lei Chi: “…I just want to see the kitten.”
Qin Ge: “The kitten is adorable. In the Crisis Management Office, there is no one with a more adorable spiritual body than the kitten. It has such a long tail, big ears, and round and bright eyes…”
Lei Chi tilted his head with a peculiar expression, as if he wanted to laugh but didn’t dare to. He said, “Oh,” and then rummaged in his bag for a while, finally taking out two lollipops from the brand “Buerjia.”
“Here’s one for you as a thank you for the information,” Lei Chi said. “And one for the kitten as a thank you for being so cute.”
Qin Ge took the two lollipops back to his office, hesitated for a while, and then cautiously knocked on the door. Only after making sure it was safe did he open the door. When Bai Xiaoyuan heard that the candy was given by Lei Chi, she suddenly felt extremely flustered and immediately handed it to Tang Cuo, saying, “Comrade Tang, you can have it.”
Tang Cuo didn’t dare accept the candy and immediately handed it back to her, saying, “Comrade Xiao Bai, you have it.”
As Tang Cuo moved between two office desks, Qin Ge opened his computer and printer to prepare some documents. He looked up at Xie Zijing and said, “After work, accompany me to New Hope to look for Lu Qinglai.”
Xie Zijing was taken aback, and his hand tightened, causing most of the milk in the paper box to spill out, nearly splashing on his new tie.
New Hope Academy of Advanced Management was one of the two specialized universities in the country that exclusively admitted Sentinel Guides. It held a unique and irreplaceable position.
Although Xie Zijing didn’t really want to meet Lu Qinglai, if Qin Ge decided to go, he would naturally accompany him.
The reasons for not wanting to meet Lu Qinglai were twofold. First, he had previously told Qin Ge that he was afraid of Lu Qing’s judgment about his current situation, feeling that he hadn’t lived up to his expectations. Second, he had recently discovered several secrets about Lu Qinglai, which made him anxious.
He always had a deep respect for Lu Qinglai because he felt that he hadn’t become a good enough sentinel, so he dared not meet his mentor. But now that he had learned that his mentor may have a different side, Xie Zijing’s feelings were quite complex. “I’m very grateful to Professor Lu,” Xie Zijing told Qin Ge when they were in the car. “Even though I said I’m afraid of him… it’s not really true.”
Qin Ge understood him. Lu Qinglai was the examiner for his test, and before that, he always respected and admired Lu Qinglai as a senior.
“Are you going to go in with me later?”
“I’ll wait outside for you,” Xie Zijing thought for a moment and then asked, “Does he know I’m coming?”
“He doesn’t know,” Qin Ge said in a low voice. “He has a lecture this afternoon, which ends at six, and I didn’t tell him that we’re going to visit.”
The lecture was held in the auditorium and had, surprisingly, not ended yet. After inquiring with the security personnel, Qin Ge and Xie Zijing learned that the lecture had been delayed by half an hour due to the enthusiastic questions from the students after the lecture. They waited outside the auditorium, and Xie Zijing suggested taking him to the cafeteria for dinner after the meeting. Qin Ge wondered if he’d have the appetite for a meal after the meeting was over.
Qin Ge hadn’t been active on the campus for a long time, and although the scenery at New Hope was different from the Talent Planning Bureau, there seemed to be a bulletin board outside every auditorium, filled with announcements of upcoming lectures and events.
“Racial Prejudice: Tracing the Conflict Origins between Underground People and Semi-Zombified Humans”; Lecturer: Liang Xing (Vice Dean and Professor of the School of Public Management)”;
“Secrets of Book Restoration Techniques”; Lecturer: Yuan Yue (Senior Researcher at the National Museum)”;
“The Vanishing Art History: The Unique Expression of Werewolf Art”; Lecturer: Xu Xiaotian (Chairman of the Chinese Branch of the International Werewolf Association)”;
“From Nothing to Something, From Zero to One: Special Human Rights Law Lecture Hall”; Lecturer: Our University’s Legal Popularization Team”;
“Earning a Billion: Exploring the White Noise Business Model”; Lecturer: Hu Shuo (Prominent Entrepreneur in the White Noise Commercial Field)”
………
Qin Ge spotted content that interested him and intended to share it with Xie Zijing. However, Xie Zijing was fixated on the students jogging along the campus road.
“I often go night running on this road,” he told Qin Ge. “About two hundred meters ahead, there’s a small forest. I really like running in there at night, hehehe.”
Qin Ge: “…you’re always boring.”
Xie Zijing: “The small forest is quite lively. I’ll take you to see it at night.”
Qin Ge: “I’m not interested.”
Xie Zijing: “It’s interesting to watch young people in love. Holding hands, kissing, rolling in the grass—it’s quite varied.”
Qin Ge: “I’m a young person too.”
Xie Zijing: “True, you’re also in love.”
Qin Ge thought, ‘Who said that?’ but Xie Zijing had already quietly taken his hand. Qin Ge didn’t pull away, and in his heart, he thought, ‘Well, if you say it is, then it is.’
Love between teenagers and young adults is surprisingly similar. All the nervous heartbeats, joyful words, and the gaze that lingers when you look at each other without wanting to turn away—these feelings don’t change with age. Love is love, without any extraneous baggage. It’s like a direct arrow to the heart, and when it hits, it always brings a long-lasting and unshakable tremor.
Qin Ge sat down by the river on a stone bench with Xie Zijing. At times, he felt like he had unraveled all the history of human love, becoming a philosopher. At other times, he felt he was just as ordinary as anyone else, and Xie Zijing was equally ordinary, and the world before them was all very ordinary. He had simply met an ordinary young man, and he wanted to be his lover.
Xie Zijing had no idea that the philosopher, Qin Ge, was lost in thought. He enthusiastically introduced the scenery around the auditorium to Qin Ge, with a particular emphasis on a bridge over the river on the side.
“This is called the Kissing Bridge, and the road underneath it is the most beautiful in New Hope. In the autumn, it’s filled with the fragrance of osmanthus flowers,” he said with a smile. “They say that couples who kiss on this bridge will stay together for a lifetime.”
Qin Ge was quite surprised: “You believe that too?”
“I didn’t believe it before,” Xie Zijing laughed. “But I plan to start believing it from today.”
This guy is really naive. Qin Ge thought as he smiled at Xie Zijing. “I’m not going on the bridge.”
Xie Zijing responded, “Then hand over the rabbit.”
After saying this, he playfully pretended to be a rabbit and pecked Qin Ge on the cheek.
Qin Ge: “Go ahead and kiss the mosquitos.”
After the lecture, Lu Qinglai left through a side door and immediately spotted Qin Ge standing in the night.
Qin Ge gave him a smile and said, “Professor Lu, I’d like to discuss something about Xie Zijing.”
Lu Qinglai seemed to understand and said, “You’re here to inquire, right? But I can only give you half an hour; I have other things to do.”
Qin Ge simply smiled and didn’t answer. Lu Qinglai probably didn’t know that Bi Xingyi had already been arrested, and the news had been tightly controlled by the Criminal Investigation Division. Therefore, Lu Qinglai also didn’t know that Qin Ge had patrolled the “sea area” of Bi Fan and Bi Xingyi. Qin Ge pretended that he was only there to discuss Xie Zijing’s situation, with a more earnest tone, “I want to discuss some matters with you.”
“Xie Zijing didn’t come with you?”
“He’s too afraid to see you,” Qin Ge replied.
Lu Qinglai’s office was in the teaching building. Qin Ge followed him through the corridors, and he noticed that the classrooms were full of students.
“They have evening classes at New Hope?”
“Classes are held in the evenings too. There are many,” Lu Qinglai replied, opening the door to his office. “During the day, we have practical classes, while evenings are mainly for theoretical and major courses.”
Qin Ge glanced at the door sign, 603.
This was the same door number that appeared multiple times in Bi Xingyi’s “sea area.”
Lu Qinglai’s office was as large as a classroom, but it was divided into two sections. Upon entering, you could see the office desk, bookshelves, and a computer. On the left side, there was a curtain that was only halfway drawn, revealing a space that resembled a counseling studio. This was a scene that Qin Ge had encountered in Bi Xingyi’s “sea area.”
Qin Ge pretended to be curious and lifted the curtain, walking inside. “Our department is too small, and the Crisis Management Office doesn’t have enough space. They couldn’t set up a counseling studio just for us. Professor Lu, do you usually receive visitors here?”
Lu Qinglai also walked in and said, “Yes I do. Would you like to lie down and experience it?”
“I guess if I lie down, I’ll get sleepy. This place is nice and very comfortable,” Qin Ge replied after glancing around, not noticing anything suspicious. Lu Qinglai followed him back to the office and asked with a smile, “Weren’t you here to discuss a problem with me?”
Qin Ge immediately focused his attention.
“Regarding the issue of Xie Zijing’s ‘sea area,’ which is unusually narrow, I’ve looked up a lot of information. But all the information indicates that such a condition is definitely caused by ‘sea area’ damage, which will inevitably lead to mental abnormalities, with no exceptions,” Qin Ge asked. “I believe Xie Zijing is an exception. You’ve done research on his ‘sea area,’ what do you think?”
Lu Qinglai poured him a glass of water with a lemon slice in it. Qin Ge had developed a psychological aversion to lemon water and silently pushed it aside, deciding not to drink it.
“I thought you were here to inquire about Xie Zijing’s past.” Lu Qinglai’s smile faded slightly. “So, you’re here for academic research?”
Qin Ge had already decided not to inquire about Xie Zijing’s past from outsiders, so even though he had come to test Lu Qinglai, he didn’t use that as an excuse.
After a moment of contemplation, Lu Qinglai smiled and began to talk about his recent lecture.
In the lecture, he discussed the formation of personality and the composition of the “sea area.” This was an extension of the basic course, and most of the students in attendance were freshmen who admired him greatly, so the questions kept coming one after another.
“If you listen to this lecture, you won’t need to ask me these questions anymore.” Lu Qinglai leaned back in his chair, fingers interlaced, and looked at the clock on the wall. “‘Sea area’ is our mental world, and when it’s stable, our mental state and personality are fine. When it’s shaken or damaged, our mental state and personality will change accordingly.”
Qin Ge listened attentively.
Lu Qinglai had been researching the relationship between personality and the “sea area” for several years. He expanded the connection between “sea area” studies and psychology. He believed that the process of “sea area” formation was, in fact, the process of shaping one’s personality. All the scenes within the “sea area” pointed to various aspects of the sentinel or guide’s personality. The guardian of the “self-awareness” within the “sea area” was essentially an embodiment of the sentinel and guide’s personalities.
“Personality comes from the Latin word ‘persona,’ which means ‘mask’—the disguises worn by ancient Roman actors in Greek plays.” Lu Qinglai asked, “Qin Ge, do you think infants have personalities?”
Qin Ge considered for a moment and replied, “From a psychoanalytic perspective, infants do have personalities. Their personality is the purest form of the id, which represents human survival instincts.”
Lu Qinglai stared at him for a while before smiling. “You don’t want to reveal your thoughts in front of me, do you? I asked what you think. Well, it doesn’t matter. I believe that infants don’t have personalities. During that period, they display primitive desires—the true face. Personality is the product of socialization and education. After infants start learning social rules and receiving education, they may gradually develop a new personality that conflicts with their desires.”
He mimicked the action of wearing a mask. Qin Ge had to admit that Lu Qinglai was indeed charismatic when he was giving a lecture. He could understand why students idolized and admired him.
“The personality that is shaped is a mask, a persona. It’s a disguise,” Lu Qinglai pointed to his own head. “The ‘sea area’ of sentinels and guides isn’t something that exists from birth. It gradually matures and takes shape. Over the years, it continuously evolves and changes with various achievements and setbacks, love and hate.”
Qin Ge’s breath started to quicken.
“Our ‘sea area’ grows along with the development of our personality. It’s another external form of our personality,” Lu Qinglai continued after a pause. “Qin Ge, the ‘sea area’ is a mask, deeply rooted in our brains. It’s a disguise that can never be discarded.”
A disguise, a mask—this was how Lu Qinglai defined personality. Qin Ge suddenly understood why the first time he discussed Xie Zijing’s “sea area” with Lu Qing, he mentioned that “some people’s uniqueness is self-protection.” The small room was a part of Xie Zijing’s personality, his disguise. He could only show Qin Ge the disguise because behind it lay cruel memories that even Xie Zijing couldn’t accept.
But was what Lu Qinglai said really true? Qin Ge couldn’t help but doubt.
Lu Qinglai checked his watch and looked up with a smile, “It’s time for me to go.”
Qin Ge had no choice but to stand up. This visit seemed to have gained him something, but he still couldn’t figure out what Lu Qinglai was up to.
“As your teacher, I have a few questions for you,” Lu Qinglai suddenly said. “You don’t have to answer immediately; take your time.”
Qin Ge respectfully replied, “Please go ahead, Professor Lu.”
“Since personality is shaped by society, can a personality be destroyed?” Lu Qinglai spoke slowly and lightly.
Qin Ge stared at him intently and, for a moment, doubted his hearing.
“Second question, if a personality is destroyed, can it be reshaped?” Lu Qinglai’s smile gradually intensified, but it was not a pleasant smile. Qin Ge felt a bit suffocated. Suddenly, the atmosphere in the room became tense. Lu Qinglai’s two questions added an unexpected air of danger to this evening’s visit.
“One last question.”
Lu Qinglai’s voice grew lower, and Qin Ge had to concentrate and listen very carefully.
“What is the most effective way to destroy a person’s personality?”
As soon as the words fell, Lu Qinglai immediately clapped his hands and stood up. Qin Ge snapped out of his reverie, realizing that his palms were sweaty.
“Finished,” Lu Qinglai said, grabbing his coat from the back of the chair. “Take your time to think. The answer is quite interesting.”
He patted Qin Ge’s shoulder, and Qin Ge felt an inexplicable shiver run down his spine.
After bidding farewell to Lu Qinglai, Qin Ge walked slowly toward the auditorium, where Xie Zijing had told him he would be lingering nearby.
As he walked, a tall man rushed out of the adjacent academic building. They nearly collided, and both of them bowed and apologized. Qin Ge suddenly felt that this man’s voice was very familiar. He looked up and realized that the person in front of him was Cai Yi.
Cai Yi was dressed in all black, completely devoid of the enthusiasm he had previously exhibited. He held several application forms, and Qin Ge glanced at them, realizing that these were applications for psychological adjustment.
“Do you want to apply for psychological adjustment?” Qin Ge was startled. “Are you okay? Has the Lizard fully recovered?”
Cai Yi didn’t get angry with him but instead hung his head and stuffed the forms into his shoulder bag. “What Lizard? It’s a Komodo dragon. We are both fine.”
Qin Ge began to feel uneasy. “Are you going to ask Lu Qinglai to do your psychological adjustment?”
Cai Yi nodded. “He’s the only one available now. I asked Gao Tiayue, but you and Qiao Shuangshuang are both busy with the college entrance exam ‘sea area’ testing.”
This was not good at all. Without thinking much, Qin Ge immediately held onto Cai Yi. “Don’t go to Lu Qinglai. I’ll do it for you.”
Cai Yi hesitated for a while, seemingly weighing his options in his mind. Eventually, he spoke slowly, “Is that okay?”
“What’s wrong with it? If you go to someone else for adjustment, you might have to reveal…” Qin Ge paused for a moment but decided to say, “Your mother’s situation again. Your current condition might be related to that. This matter is kept highly confidential, and apart from us who have been in contact with the incident, almost no one knows. Are you really willing to have one more person in the know?”
Cai Yi gave a bitter smile. “You make a good point. I’ve completely lost trust in your confidentiality principles as psychological adjusters.”
He and Qin Ge sat down by the flower bed outside the teaching building. Cai Yi took out a cigarette from his pocket and looked at Qin Ge. Qin Ge shook his head, and Cai Yi put the cigarette back in his pocket.
“Don’t be nervous,” Cai Yi said, returning to his role as the Vice Secretary of the Special Management Committee after regaining his composure. “I’ve thought it over. It’s not your fault.”
During the investigation of the incident, the Criminal Investigation Division repeatedly approached Cai Yi to inquire about Cai Mingyue’s situation and disclosed some of the information that could be shared. Initially, Cai Yi only knew that when his mother worked at the hospital, several children had died under her care. However, he had no idea that all those children had been killed by Cai Mingyue herself.
“I suddenly feel like she’s a stranger,” Cai Yi said in a low voice. “What if I were one of those children? What if, when I was born, my parents didn’t like me, or because I had some disability, they didn’t want me, or more directly, no matter if I was good or bad, they just couldn’t accept me? Would I also die at her hands?”
Qin Ge said, “Don’t think about it.”
Cai Yi shook his head. “I’ve been with her day and night for decades. It’s not hatred, and it’s not fear. I just don’t understand. Why would she do such a thing? Children are not the private property of parents; they are individuals. Even parents cannot decide a child’s life and death based on their own desires. What I don’t understand is why she forgot this most basic bottom line.”
His voice slightly trembled. “I go to sleep and have dreams of her all the time. I ask her why she did this, but she never answers. I ask her if she would also abandon me if she found that I couldn’t satisfy her, if she found that I couldn’t make her proud. Am I her child or just a medal for her to showcase? But I never hear an answer.”
Every time, right before Cai Mingyue could respond, he would wake up drenched in cold sweat.
“…I’m actually afraid of hearing the answer,” Cai Yi said.
Qin Ge didn’t know how to comfort him and could only say, “If you have time, come to the Crisis Management Office. I’ll help you with the psychological adjustment.”
Cai Yi looked up at him, his eyes showing a hint of unusual emotion. “You don’t have a partner, right?”
Qin Ge was taken aback. “?”
Cai Yi said, “I suggest you consider me.”
Qin Ge: “…”
Cai Yi: “I have a good impression of you.”
Qin Ge was almost flustered. “Huh?”
Cai Yi repeated himself, “I don’t mind developing a relationship with you…”
“No, no, no.” Qin Ge quickly waved his hand, and the next words nearly tumbled out of his mouth. “Although I don’t have a partner right now, I already have someone I like.”
The darkness of the night concealed Qin Ge’s slightly blushing cheeks as he spoke. Cai Yi didn’t seem too disappointed and nodded. He sat there for a while longer before getting up to bid farewell, saying he’d come to see Qin Ge next month.
“Remember, don’t go to Lu Qinglai,” Qin Ge reminded him once more.
Cai Yi nodded and waved to him with a casual demeanor as he left.
Xie Zijing was finishing a cigarette on the Kissing Bridge when Qin Ge finally appeared on the path.
The so-called most beautiful campus road in New Hope was lined with various flowers in full bloom. The rose bushes were so heavy with blossoms that their branches couldn’t bear the weight, swaying heavily in the night breeze. The fragrances of white magnolia and purple magnolia filled the air, and the forsythias and cornelian cherries added a golden hue.
While there were quite a few couples holding hands and cuddling in the small grove, near the Kissing Bridge, there was no one except Xie Zijing. Qin Ge only saw it when he walked onto the bridge – the Barbary Lion was sitting on the bridge, yawning.
Xie Zijing put out his cigarette and waved his arm. “The night view at my school isn’t too bad, is it?”
“Why are you taking up this bridge?”
“Clearing it,” Xie Zijing said with a mischievous grin. “Getting it ready for some kissing.”
“…You can kiss the lion.” Qin Ge leaned against the bridge and watched the slow-flowing river below. The barbary lion was behind him, patting the ground with its tail. Because of the lion’s presence, no student dared to walk onto the Kissing Bridge.
Xie Zijing leaned in close to Qin Ge, and Qin Ge told him about the strange meeting with Lu Qinglai. He still couldn’t quite fathom Lu Qinglai’s intentions. It was as if the man was continually revealing his motives and ambitions, almost as if he were afraid that Qin Ge wouldn’t understand. “Your mentor is quite mysterious,” Qin Ge said in a puzzled tone, “I can’t figure it out.”
Xie Zijing looked at his profile and smiled. “Just don’t think about it. Lei Chi and the others said they’d taken over this matter, didn’t they?”
“But how can I not think about it?” Qin Ge said. “I haven’t fully understood your ‘Sea area.'”
Xie Zijing pressed close to his arm. “But we’re back together, right?”
Qin Ge was silent for a moment, not responding to his words.
“Back together,” that’s how Xie Zijing put it. He still believed that he and Qin Ge had something in the past. But Qin Ge had inquired with Yan Hong, his roommates, and even Qin Shuangshuang’s family. Unless their relationship had been kept extremely secret, without anyone catching a hint, everyone confidently told him, ‘You never had a relationship; you didn’t even have time for a secret crush, Qin Ge. All your time was spent studying, reading, and playing games.’
The dark cloud that had hung over his heart all this time still hadn’t dispersed. He pondered this matter without responding to Xie Zijing.
Xie Zijing reluctantly chuckled and moved away slightly, scratching his head.
“All right,” he said awkwardly and with a touch of loneliness. “Let’s just forget it. Let’s go back.”
As he turned to leave, Qin Ge grabbed his hand.
“Didn’t you say you wanted to verify it?” Qin Ge asked.
Just as Xie Zijing was about to say something playful to dispel the awkwardness, Qin Ge caught his tie and pulled him closer, planting a quick kiss on his lips.
“Let’s go.” Qin Ge delivered the kiss perfectly and immediately released Xie Zijing’s tie.
The barbary lion roared, its tail wagging frantically.
Xie Zijing wiped his mouth and followed Qin Ge as they descended the bridge. He got closer and closer, draping his arm over Qin Ge’s shoulder.
“Can I come with you to your place?” he asked.
As they passed one streetlight after another, Xie Zijing saw that Qin Ge’s ears were turning slightly red, making him look more ambiguous under the dim, yellowish light.
Qin Ge was firm. “You can’t.”
Xie Zijing nodded. “Can you come to my place then?”
Qin Ge realized that he tended to have a lower threshold for laughter when he was with Xie Zijing, especially during these bantering moments. He laughed for a moment and then answered seriously, “In your dreams.”
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