“I… I didn’t mean it. I can’t get out, and it’s boring up here…”
Seeing Zhou Hui’s expression, like he was about to roll up his sleeves and give him a good whipping, Zhang Shun immediately hugged his head and scurried away. But halfway out, he suddenly realized that he was already a righteous Buddha, one of the top big bosses in the Nine Heavens and Ten Earths. Why should he still be afraid of getting beaten?
So he immediately coughed, and casually turned back: “Wait, Comrade Zhou Hui, you should have some basic respect for the supreme religious leader of the Six Paths. When you see me, you should…”
With a loud bang, Zhang Shun fell face first. Zhou Hui nonchalantly withdrew his fist.
Half an hour later, on the pure gold steps at the entrance of the Buddhist temple, Zhang Shun squatted there like a macaque, tears streaming down his face, holding a soft Zhonghua cigarette.
“Since you have cigarettes on you,” he choked, “why don’t you have a lighter?!”
Zhou Hui: “…I quit smoking a long time ago. Just smell it, don’t cry, good boy.”
Poor Second Young Master Zhang, who grew up in luxury, with fancy cars and horses, and could even call a bunch of young models and gentlemen for lively “NP” parties when he had nothing to do. His biggest pain in life was merely being scolded by his brother. He was arguably one of the happiest second-generation rich kids in China.
Now that he had ascended to heaven and became the boss, he had nothing to eat or drink every day, and could only stay in an empty Buddhist temple counting his own body hair for fun. His only pleasure was watching DVD palace intrigue dramas, and they weren’t even Blu-ray.
A bleak life for a Buddha, nothing more.
Zhou Hui said, “Don’t think I don’t know, you’re just like that foolish kid, Shenwan Tiansi, who watches manga and fantasizes about having a harem of two-dimensional characters. You’re simply using palace dramas to recall your decadent rich second-generation life. Why don’t you go down to the human world?”
“I can’t go down!” Zhang Shun collapsed, “Do you think I haven’t tried? Those old men on Mount Sumeru have people guarding the passage 24 hours a day. As soon as they see me, they kneel down and beg me to hurry up and go to the Western Heaven! What if another heart demon emerges, it’s unbearable! Those monks are all tall, strong, and muscular, holding vajra staffs, standing in unison like the eighteen bronze men of Shaolin Temple! – Do you know I bribed Venerable Bhadra with a lot of money just to get these DVDs up here? Do you know how hard it is for me, a top biology student, to tinker with generators all day long here?! You guys are enjoying delicious food and drinks down there, flaunting your status because your relative is the Buddha, have you ever thought about how I, your young master, have no Wi-Fi, no signal, and am so parched that I’ve watched ‘Empresses in the Palace’ 117 times?!”
“…” Zhou Hui asked, “But shouldn’t you be pure of heart and desireless, without joy or sorrow…?”
“Wine and meat pass through the intestines, the Buddha remains in the heart. Don’t you know this? What’s wrong with me going down to the human world to experience life? Don’t think I don’t know, when my brother was kneeling and chanting scriptures for a thousand years, all he was thinking about was falling in love. If he can, why can’t I?!”
Zhang Shun’s divine consciousness as a Buddha had probably been thrown into some unknown dimension, and the personality cultivated during his more than twenty years of human life occupied an absolutely dominant position. Zhou Hui scrutinized him, truly unable to imagine him sitting on a lotus throne receiving incense from believers, and the corner of his mouth twitched slightly.
“Where’s my brother?” Zhang Shun looked up with anticipation. “When will my brother hatch? When can he come save me?”
Zhou Hui took out the egg from his pocket and said coldly, “Thanks to you, it’s right here.”
Zhang Shun cautiously took it, observed it from all angles for a long time, and then squinted at it against the light, seeming to want to see what was inside the eggshell.
But after looking for a long time, he saw nothing and could only shake his head, “I don’t know how to hatch it either. It seems the Phoenix Jade Embryo is a spiritual object of heaven and earth. When it feels ready, it… will come out on its own, I guess.”
Zhou Hui asked, “Is there any way to make him feel ready right now?”
“I don’t know, I haven’t hatched an egg.”
“Aren’t you a Buddha? Can’t you figure out a way to solve the problem right now?”
“Sister-in-law,” Zhang Shun looked at Zhou Hui seriously, and said earnestly, “I’m going to give you a basic science lesson that has been wrongly propagated by false Buddhas for tens of thousands of years—the Phoenix is a creature of heaven and earth, not the same system as our Heavenly Dao Buddhism. It’s like the Three Pure Ones of Taoism and Mary, the Holy Mother of Christ… Maria is also not in our system, understand? If the Hunan Provincial Health Department issues an official document asking Guangdong Provincial People’s Hospital to strengthen prevention and control during flu season, do you think they’ll listen?”
Zhou Hui: “…”
“Strictly speaking, bestowing the title of King of Light on a Phoenix is very inappropriate, just like forcibly appointing a foreign prime minister as our country’s minister of agriculture. But an extra title means an extra salary, sister-in-law, you can go to Mount Sumeru to collect the money from Venerable Bhadra, just consider it my brother’s betrothal gift…”
Zhou Hui said coldly, “Who are you calling sister-in-law?”
The two looked at each other for a moment, and Zhang Shun flinched: “…I was just playing around.”
Zhou Hui then dropped the matter, snatched the Phoenix egg, and turned to leave. However, before he took two steps, Zhang Shun frantically pounced on him, hugging his leg and blocking him: “Wait! Brother, you’re my real brother! Where are you going?”
“Home.”
“Don’t! Stay and talk to me for a while! I’ll show you ‘Empresses in the Palace’! Can I help you hatch the egg?”
Zhou Hui said, “No, no, no, Buddha, you’re a big boy now, you need to learn to leave home and take care of yourself. Human children at your age… What are you doing! Let go of me! Assault!”
Zhou Hui struggled to pry Zhang Shun off his leg, but in a flash, Zhang Shun pounced back, weeping uncontrollably. In the struggle, there was a “rip—” sound, and Zhou Hui’s pant leg was torn in half.
Zhang Shun: “…”
Zhou Hui: “…”
Zhou Hui was furious: “Zhang Shun! I went to the Formless Heaven to visit someone and my pants ripped. What will people say if they see this! How am I going to explain this to your brother later! You foolish child!” Saying that, he turned and stomped out.
Zhang Shun wailed and pounced over: “Don’t! Stay and talk to me for a while! This ghostly place is so lonely and cold, do you know? Why didn’t I feel it before? Why could I stay here honestly for tens of thousands of years without ever thinking of running away?!”
Zhou Hui said, “Don’t joke around, if you dare to run again, be careful the eighteen Arhats will break your legs…”
“Then take me with you, please! Don’t think I don’t know you once threatened to beat up those monks on Mount Sumeru, you were so arrogant. Be careful, if I get out, I’ll give you an Armstrong Cyclone Jet Nine Heavens Divine Thunder Tribulation…”
A Buddha and a demon, pulling and tugging at each other’s clothes and pant legs in the Formless Heaven, behaving quite uncivilized. Zhou Hui held his belt with one hand to prevent his pants from falling off, and put his other hand together in a standard bow: “Your Holiness the Buddha, you misunderstand. I have now abandoned evil and embraced good, I am grateful for the Dharma, and I swear I will never touch a single finger of those monks on Mount Sumeru again… Let go of me! That’s your brother’s egg! Be careful not to drop it!”
“Oh no!”
With a plop, the Phoenix egg slipped, fell to the ground, and rolled forward.
“The egg! My brother’s egg!”
“That’s your brother’s embryo. ‘Egg’ usually refers to a man’s…” Zhou Hui was utterly confused, ran to pick up the egg, but in his haste, he stumbled when Zhang Shun also pounced to grab the egg.
In those few seconds, the Phoenix egg, as if it had a divine will, rolled along the path Zhou Hui had come from, straight to the entrance of the passage.
That was the passage entrance, which had been reopened at some point, directly connecting to the Netherworld’s Buzhou Mountain.
Zhang Shun suddenly realized something and his face changed color: “—Quick, quick, quick! Go get it back!”
Zhou Hui sprinted, like an arrow released from a bowstring, but it was already too late.
The next second, the Phoenix egg gently dropped into the passage.
Zhou Hui: “…”
Zhang Shun: “…”
The two looked at each other, as if struck by lightning. Time seemed to stop for a moment, and they both saw the tragic scene of the eggshell cracking and yolk spilling everywhere in each other’s eyes.
“You stay up there!” Zhou Hui was the first to react, and quickly jumped into the passage.
Zhang Shun ran to the entrance of the passage, looking at the bizarre, otherworldly scenery inside with great struggle.
According to past experience, as soon as he jumped down, he would be directly teleported to Mount Sumeru, and then the eighteen bronze men of Shaolin Temple would stand in unison in front of him, kneeling down with a loud roar, shouting in unison: “May the Buddha enjoy boundless bliss in the Formless Heaven!”…
But since even Zhou Hui had come, did that mean the internal direction of the passage had changed?
To jump, or not to jump?
If he went back to Mount Sumeru to face those old monks, this attire would surely get him nagged to death. Perhaps the old monks, stimulated, would burst into a backlash, chanting scriptures and performing rituals to expel his personality, and let the divine persona take over. At that time, he would truly become a motionless, blissful golden Buddha…
But if the passage direction really had changed, this was a golden opportunity.
As long as he clung to Zhou Hui, that demon from hell, the people on Mount Sumeru probably wouldn’t dare to nag too much. Then he could hide in the human world, and return after a few decades or a hundred years…
How can one catch a tiger’s cub without entering the tiger’s den? How can one catch a rogue without sacrificing one’s wife? Zhang Shun looked at the passage entrance, which symbolized freedom, gritted his teeth, made up his mind, and jumped!
The next moment, the wind whistled in his ears, and the sensation of weightlessness made his vision go black. Time seemed to stretch and then stop in the spatial dislocation, followed by a “bang!”
In hell, on Buzhou Mountain, Zhang Shun fell onto the damp, rugged ground of the valley, his butt hurting as if it had split into eight pieces.
He looked around at the dark red bushes, the light gray demonic mist, almost daring not to believe his good fortune.
“Zhou… Zhou Hui!” Zhang Shun staggered to his feet, pushed aside the bushes, and shouted, “Zhou Hui! How’s my brother?!”
Zhang Shun’s voice stopped abruptly. Not far away, a gigantic demonic eye covered the entire valley, emitting a faint blood-red glow. On a huge protruding rock beside the demonic eye, Zhou Hui stood motionless, his back to him, his expression unreadable.
“Zhou Hui! What’s wrong? My brother’s egg isn’t broken, is it?!”
Zhang Shun jumped out of the bushes, crossed the valley, which was especially slippery due to the mist, and stumbled to a halt behind Zhou Hui. He looked up and was immediately stunned.
The Phoenix egg had fallen onto a sharp rock at the edge of the demonic eye, and a crack had formed. The crack lines were constantly extending and expanding from that opening. Amidst the faint but unusually clear sounds of crumbling, it was about to split open.
“…” Zhang Shun’s voice even trembled: “Zhou… Zhou Zhou Zhou Zhou Hui, it… it… it… it’s going to break…”
Zhou Hui stared at the continually cracking egg, seeing nothing else. His mind was blank, his breathing completely stopped, and his heart pounded against his throat, causing a painful sensation of choking due to its intensity.
Crack.
Crack.
The eggshell cracked piece by piece, tiny fragments falling to the ground, the cracks growing larger and larger.
The short few seconds felt as long as a century. In the almost suffocating stillness, the eggshell emitted a clear, crisp sound.
At that moment, clear cries echoed through the valley, the forest, and the depths of the distant, endless mountains, as if ten thousand birds were singing in unison, spreading their wings and soaring into the sky. Immediately after, five-colored auspicious light descended between heaven and earth, and the Sanskrit bells vibrated in unison. A huge, pure energy shockwave, centered on the Phoenix Jade Embryo, spread out in all directions. Within a few seconds, it even forcefully flattened the turbulent sea of blood in the distance into a calm, vast expanse.
Nine Heavens and Ten Earths, all things bowed.
Only this unique Phoenix Jade Embryo remained in the world, blooming with layers of lotus-like halos, and then shattering into millions of pieces!
What had been revealed before Sakyamuni tens of thousands of years ago was now fully reenacted before Zhou Hui’s eyes.
The next moment, celestial music filled the nine heavens, and the light abruptly receded!
In the lingering halo, a tiny outline vaguely appeared. Zhou Hui trembled violently, taking a half-step forward, his knees weakening, and he knelt on one knee.
“Chirp—Chirp chirp… Chirp—”
A wet little bird chick stood among the shattered eggshells, its entire body golden-red, sparse feathers, opening its round, bright black eyes to the world, its eyes full of innocent curiosity.
It tilted its head, flapped its small wings covered with downy feathers, and then saw Zhou Hui, who was closest to it.
“…”
Zhou Hui opened his mouth but couldn’t utter a single word. After a long while, he finally made a hoarse and even somewhat strange sound: “Phoenix… Phoenix…”
The little phoenix remained still, staring at the handsome, demon-infused man it had seen first upon its birth. After a long pause, it took a trembling step, flopping out of the half-shell.
Zhou Hui had forgotten everything, not even remembering to reach out to help. By the time he reacted a few seconds later, the little phoenix had already struggled to get up, stumbling and tumbling, running towards Zhou Hui, and spreading its still-damp little wings at him: “Chirp—”
Zhou Hui, as if in a dream, reached out his hand, and the little phoenix immediately stumbled and hopped onto his palm, curling up into a fluffy ball.
“Phoenix…” Zhou Hui murmured, his lips even trembling violently as he spoke.
“You… you’re back, my Phoenix…”
The little phoenix nestled in Zhou Hui’s palm, gently rubbing its tender red beak against the rough lines of his palm.
Zhou Hui lowered his head and kissed its plump little body, hot tears streaming down his cheeks, dampening its soft, fine downy feathers. The little phoenix seemed a bit uncomfortable but remained obediently still, rubbing its head against Zhou Hui’s tear-soaked face, as if it were a caress full of warmth.
“I… I missed you so much,” Zhou Hui choked:
“Welcome back, my dear Phoenix.”
