“……”
As Yu Xun spoke, Yun Ci had already grabbed his collar with one hand, forcing him closer.
The distance between them was violently reduced by Yun Ci in this rough manner.
They exchange glances.
Only then did he see the deep emotions hidden in Yu Xun’s eyes.
He must have stayed up late a lot over the past year; his eyes were bloodshot. Those overly beautiful eyes were dull when looking at anything else, but only when they looked at him did they have a faint gleam.
After that punch, Yun Ci actually wanted to keep hitting.
He wanted to drag this person down and beat him up properly.
But Yu Xun didn’t fight back, so he couldn’t continue one-sidedly.
“So why did it happen back then?”
“Just because my dad was against it?”
Yun Ci gritted his teeth, tightening his grip, and demanded, “Speak.”
Everything came too suddenly.
Yu Xun originally thought today was just another ordinary day, like every day in the past year. He would return to his rented apartment, exhausted and numb, and when he couldn’t hold on any longer, he would open a chat window and repeatedly read their chat history from the day they became friends. Day after day.
But now, the secret he had tried his best to hide was exposed, and he had no place to hide anymore.
Over a year had passed, and Yu Xun didn’t know where to start, so he only said: “Ran into some trouble.”
As he spoke, he tasted a bit of blood.
After all this time, he finally revealed the true meaning behind “I’m tired”: “Being with me would be very tiring.”
It wasn’t that he was tired.
He didn’t want the person with him to be so exhausted.
That day, on the way back from West High, he was walking on Nanyang University’s campus and happened to see a few classmates, carefree and arranging to go out and play together.
Sunlight shone on them, and bicycle bells rang through the shady paths on campus.
This was how normal people lived.
“I don’t want you to live like that with me, and I don’t want you to bear anything because of me.”
“……”
Because he liked him.
Because the person in front of him was more important than anything else in the world.
So he should live a better life.
Yun Ci’s life should be as Yan Yue and his mother expected.
In the end, Yu Xun said, “That kind of suffocating, unpredictable life that could be turned upside down any day, just leave it to me.”
Even though Yu Xun’s confession now was essentially pushing him away, Yun Ci’s hand gripping his collar froze, and all the emotions that had surged up suddenly faded away.
Yun Ci hadn’t expected that the real reason for their breakup that day was this.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want to leave; it was that he couldn’t bear to take him with him.
Yun Ci let go of his hand, unable to speak for a long time.
He threw the phone back to Yu Xun, pointed to the door behind him, and said, “Open the door; let’s talk inside.”
Just like before, Yu Xun was indifferent and dismissive toward others, but he always complied unconditionally with what Yun Ci said.
Yun Ci stepped back, watching him unlock the door under the flickering hallway light, and then the scene inside was revealed to him.
A very simple small studio.
Pretty much like what he had seen on the rental app before.
After turning on the light, he saw the room’s simple furnishings.
Yu Xun didn’t like buying things or cluttering them up. The pile of bottles in the corner probably wasn’t his, likely left by some drifter. Other than that, there was almost nothing, not even a coffee table.
As Yun Ci looked around, based on his understanding of Yu Xun, these thoughts automatically surfaced.
“When did you rent this?” he asked.
“More than half a year ago,” Yu Xun replied.
“You,” Yun Ci paused, “live alone?”
But Yu Xun said, “No.”
Yun Ci’s fingers hadn’t clenched yet when Yu Xun added, “There’s also a cat.”
“……”
Yu Xun had no idea how close he was to getting punched again, just by a fraction of a second.
As soon as he finished speaking, a soft meow came from inside the door.
Yu Chichi had just woken up, stretching and running towards the door.
But as it approached, noticing more than one person at the door, it stopped abruptly, warily shrinking by the cabinet near the door.
Yun Ci met its eyes, and after a moment of looking at each other, he said, “……Yu Chichi?”
Hearing its name, the white cat poked its head out, relaxed a bit, and meowed again, “Meow~”
Yun Ci was stunned for a while.
This person not only guarded him in the game.
He hadn’t changed his phone password.
He even quietly kept the cat they had rescued together by his side.
After finding a link from the past, the strangeness and emptiness between them broke a little. Yun Ci asked, “Wasn’t it at Senior Sister’s place?”
Yu Xun squatted down, added some cat food to the bowl in the corner, and said as he stood up, “Senior Sister graduated.”
He continued to explain, “Work transfer, couldn’t take it along.”
Yun Ci unconsciously cracked his knuckles, “…… And you didn’t tell me.”
He said self-deprecatingly, “I wasn’t supposed to know anything, was I.”
The word “no” got stuck in Yu Xun’s throat, and just then Yu Chichi seemed to recognize Yun Ci, ran out and rubbed against his leg.
With Yu Chichi tugging at his pant leg, Yun Ci walked a few more steps inside.
After entering the living room, the entire room layout became clearer.
He saw the small shower room, about the size of the one in dorm 608, and the bed in the bedroom, along with a desk in the single room.
Yun Ci’s gaze lingered on the desk for a long time.
Because there was a storage box on it that he had seen before—a flashy one that Yu Xun had once solemnly used to store medicine.
It was strange.
Even though they hadn’t been in touch for more than a year.
But everything related to the other person remained unchanged.
A few minutes after entering the room, Yu Xun’s phone kept ringing.
Out of the corner of his eye, Yun Ci saw that the screen displayed an unfamiliar number with no name saved. Each time it rang, Yu Xun would hang up.
After a while, the ringing stopped.
After the fight at the door, once they closed the door and were alone in the private space, Yun Ci asked word by word, “What do you mean by a life that could be turned upside down?”
He thought it was just Yan Yue’s opposition.
But that sentence clearly wasn’t talking about Yan Yue.
“……”
This time, Yu Xun’s silence was even longer than before.
Just then, the previously stopped ringtone sounded piercingly again, one call after another, giving no space and filling the room with its noisy sound.
Yu Xun’s grip on the phone tightened.
After a while, he lowered his eyes.
This time, he didn’t hang up the call but answered it. Almost masochistically, he revealed the most unsightly part of his life to Yun Ci.
Yang Wei’s voice came through the phone, like sticky mud that couldn’t be shaken off, once it clung to you, there was no peace: “——You dare to sue me in court.”
“You’ve got guts, you’re something now.”
“When Yu Ying brought you to my house, eating and drinking for free, I should have kicked you out back then. I should have killed you then.”
“You really think I can’t do anything to you——I could cause trouble at that Yan Something’s school before, and I can make sure you can’t stay at your school now.”
“……”
Then it was endless profanity, all sorts of insults, and filthy language.
Finally, Yu Xun hung up the phone.
Yun Ci stood there, his mind full of the phrase “Yan Something’s school.”
Yan Yue? he thought.
That school, he meant West High.
……
Now he finally understood what Yu Xun was going through when he let go back then.
Yun Ci took some time to digest this. In his twenty years of life, he had been well protected by Yan Yue. Yan Yue’s absolutely correct education also included making friends, and since junior high, he has stayed far away from the delinquents at school.
In both junior high and senior high school, there were always outsiders hanging around near the school. Yan Yue had warned him several times to stay away from those people.
This was the first time he faced such a person directly.
Everything had traces to follow.
Back in the dark internet café, the words the café owner had inadvertently revealed echoed in his ears again.
——”Did he resolve the issues at home, the one who was always looking for him back then?”
——”Surely he doesn’t have to be homeless and sleep in internet cafés even in college.”
——”Back then, he was always sleeping in internet cafés, with a man wandering nearby, swearing and looking for him.”
“……”
Yun Ci hoarsely asked, “Causing trouble?”
At this point, there was no need to hide anything.
Yu Xun reluctantly uttered two words, “Reporting.”
“He went to West High and wrote a report letter, wanting to report Teacher Yan.”
Yu Xun’s gaze deeply settled on Yun Ci, and after so long without seeing him, he tried to control himself but couldn’t look away: “You shouldn’t be with someone like me.”
From childhood to now, Yun Ci had heard too many “shouldn’t.”
You shouldn’t waste time reading idle books.
Shouldn’t play games.
Shouldn’t spend your spare time on other things.
As he grew older, it became that he shouldn’t mind so much and should be mature and steady in dealing with people and things.
……
His hand hanging by his side became very stiff, but on the surface, he calmly asked, “Then what should I do?”
Yu Xun wanted to say, “Find someone more suitable and live a stable life,” but before he could finish, Yun Ci looked up at him, his tone becoming very light: “I’ve been doing very poorly.”
He seemed like an outsider commenting on himself, repeating, “I’ve been doing very poorly without you for over a year.”
All of Yu Xun’s words were drowned out by these two “poorly,” and all the “shoulds” he wanted to say couldn’t come out.
Yun Ci felt like he was being trapped in a net.
This net had been cast over him since Yun Xiao left, and for a long time, he had been tightening it himself, as if he owed Yun Xiao for the life he gave for him.
The three years of high school, those three years of clashing with Yu Xun—were the beginning of this net loosening.
He tried with all his might to break free from this airtight net: “You all keep making decisions for me, but this is my life.”
Yun Ci silently tore at himself, saying, “Good or bad, it should be up to me.”
Yu Xun stood in front of him; compared to when they separated, some of his familiar sharpness had faded, his bones seemed harder, and he had become more silent, with a bit of darkness in his always bright eyes.
Yun Ci looked at him for a while, then suddenly moved closer to him, just like he had thrown a punch earlier.
But this time, what landed on his lips was a kiss.
……
Yun Ci recklessly and fervently moved closer, using a kiss to wipe away the bloodstains on Yu Xun’s lips.
The taste of blood spread between their lips and teeth.
Yun Ci, clinging to him, gritted his teeth and said, “I told you, you’re the best. You were before, and you still are now.”
He finally said, “You were right last time; I did lose something, and I still haven’t picked it up.”
“My boyfriend is missing.”
“He’s been missing for a year and one hundred and forty days; can you help me get him back?”
!!! Yes communication! Come on you two!