Xin Yongchu had committed suicide by slitting his throat with the pull-tab from a canned Coke.
He had asked the prison guard for the Coke at noon, saying he wanted to drink it, and that the red can was festive and could bring a bit of the New Year’s spirit. Because Xin Yongchu had always been very quiet, usually either meditating or reading and writing, the guard watching him didn’t think much of it. After all, it was New Year’s Eve, and it was just a can of Coke.
Xin Yongchu took the Coke, turned his back to the camera, and sharpened the pull-tab in the crack of a tile, hiding it in his palm. On New Year’s Eve, there were two more prison guards than usual. They were playing a copy of last year’s Spring Festival Gala on the TV. After the inmates finished their dinner, most of them gathered in front of the small screen to watch. There was only one channel on the TV; whatever the guards watched, the inmates watched.
After Xin Yongchu saw the TV start, he took the pull-tab and walked to the half-partition by the washbasin. He forcefully cut his own trachea. It’s unknown how he did it, but he didn’t even let out a cry of pain. By the time his cellmate discovered him, he had already stopped breathing and couldn’t be saved.
Suicides and self-harm were not uncommon in the detention center, but they were usually things like swallowing toothbrushes or foreign objects, or cutting wrists. A few years ago, there was a case of death from a toothbrush being inserted into the trachea. Since then, the toothbrushes in the detention center had been specially replaced with soft, rounded ones that couldn’t be used to kill.
Xin Yongchu’s method of death was a first. The pull-tab was so small; one could only imagine what kind of resolute will it took to remain silent through such a long and torturous death.
When Ji Xun and Huo Ranyin arrived at the scene, the body had already been placed in a body bag and moved to the side. Because the circumstances of the suicide were relatively clear, after photos were taken for the record, the scene was not preserved. A few guards were cleaning up the bloodstains over there.
There was a lot of blood.
Xin Yongchu had probably cut a major artery. The partition and the floor were covered in it. Buckets of bloody water were carried out, passing by the two of them. When Huo Ranyin saw it, he stood a little closer to Ji Xun, as if to shield him from the bloody water.
Ji Xun felt that at this moment, Huo Ranyin might have misremembered his PTSD.
He had a fear of sharp objects, not a fear of blood.
Huo Ranyin found the on-duty prison guard. “Where’s the suicide note?”
The reason they had called Huo Ranyin on New Year’s Eve was that Xin Yongchu had left a suicide note. It was under his pillow, folded neatly into a square, very easy to find.
Huo Ranyin unfolded it.
The note was not long, only three lines. Ji Xun stood beside him and saw it too.
“I’m sorry for all the trouble the silver nitrate has caused.
If only I had known Officer Cai earlier.
This is the only way I can atone.”
After reading the suicide note, Ji Xun glanced at the body bag again.
The yellow bag contained a still human-shaped object, but his spirit had already dissipated from his body with his blood, dissipated from the world.
Xin Yongchu was dead.
Huo Ranyin put away the letter, walked to the body bag, and unzipped it for a final confirmation.
He was that kind of person. No matter how complete the paper files were, he couldn’t be at ease without seeing it with his own eyes.
He saw Xin Yongchu’s mangled, bloody neck.
He turned and glanced at Ji Xun.
Ji Xun avoided Huo Ranyin’s gaze. The next moment, he heard the sound of a zipper being pulled. Huo Ranyin had re-zipped the body bag and said to him, “Alright, let’s go back.”
Xin Yongchu only had a mother he had long since lost contact with. Out of humanity, his body would be transported back to his hometown and cremated with the help of the judicial department. As for whether his mother was willing to bury him, that was not something the police could decide.
Of course, most of this would be handled by the detention center, and it was none of Huo Ranyin’s business. He was only responsible for Xin Yongchu’s case.
As they were about to leave, there was a commotion from the guards’ area. One of the guards cleaning the blood suddenly threw down his mop, squatted on the ground, and buried his head. His broken words were mixed with sobs, “What is this! I don’t want to take off my uniform!”
He was the guard who had given the Coke to Xin Yongchu, and also Xin Yongchu’s supervising guard.
In recent years, the regulations had become stricter, with tight prevention against incidents involving inmates in prison. If an inmate committed suicide, the assigned supervising guard would at least get a major demerit. In serious cases, they could no longer wear that police uniform.
It was New Year’s Eve. Last year’s Spring Festival Gala was still playing on the TV. The skits on the gala were trying all sorts of ways to make the national audience happy. The inmates in the detention center were laughing, but their laughter was restrained and small. They looked with curious and interested eyes at the group of guards surrounding their squatting colleague. The guards were also gathered around their companion.
They comforted their colleague in low voices, but they were all on-duty guards, and all of them would be disciplined to some extent.
The more these pale words of comfort were spoken, the more silent they became.
Finally, amidst the laughter from the TV, the squatting guard stood up again and, along with the other guards, continued to clean the scene.
Ji Xun and Huo Ranyin walked out and got back in the car.
The streets were completely empty now. The two wide asphalt roads were cold and desolate. Under the bright streetlights, they led to a pitch-black road ahead.
In recent years, firecrackers were not allowed in the city during the Spring Festival. The festive atmosphere was diminishing, leaving only the silent, tall buildings of steel and concrete, with their brightly lit windows.
“Are you surprised?” Huo Ranyin said.
Ji Xun was quiet for a few seconds before he realized Huo Ranyin was talking about Xin Yongchu.
“A very painful death,” Ji Xun’s tone was very cold, his answer not addressing the question.
Huo Ranyin turned up the car’s heater and put on some soothing car music. He closed his eyes, seeming to have lost his spirits due to the bleak street scene. He said, “In the end, he couldn’t escape the moral court in his own heart. The existence of Cai Hengmu made the logic of his actions seem so ridiculous, so his already strong sense of morality destroyed his inner world, which was already on the verge of collapse from having killed someone.”
Ji Xun said with a sharp sarcasm, “When he committed suicide, he didn’t think a prison guard would lose his job because of him. If he had known, he probably wouldn’t have chosen to die this way. What good is a sense of morality? An emotional sense of morality after the fact can’t undo anything.”
Huo Ranyin’s eyes snapped open in the cold light reflected from outside the window. He didn’t turn around, just quietly observed Ji Xun through the rearview mirror. His words had nothing to do with the probing look in his eyes. “Will this kind of moral sense appear in Lian Dazhang?”
Morality had judged Xin Yongchu. Would morality judge Lian Dazhang as well?
This question didn’t really have much meaning.
But Ji Xun seemed to be lost in some thought of his own and thus became silent. He unconsciously reached his hand to where Huo Ranyin’s car key was inserted, fumbled around, and after finding nothing, he jerked his hand back as if startled awake, placing both hands on the steering wheel, his eyes fixed on the road ahead.
Huo Ranyin didn’t miss a single detail. The music from the car stereo played one song after another. The streetlights outside cast grotesque halos on the windshield.
A keychain.
Ji Yu.
The corners of his mouth curved up.
For the rest of the journey, no one spoke again. When they returned to Huo Ranyin’s apartment, the dumplings on the table were completely cold. The cold dumplings had a layer of unappetizing, wet, greasy shine.
The orange-red drink on the table, however, suddenly became very attractive.
Ji Xun picked up the half-empty glass and downed it in one gulp.
He drank it quickly, and the alcohol went to his head, making him squint his eyes.
Huo Ranyin threw away the dumplings on the table, put the plate in the dishwasher, and when he returned to the living room, Ji Xun had already gone behind the bar and was starting to mix a drink for himself.
“Ji Xun, you’ll get drunk if you drink any more,” Huo Ranyin’s tone was flat.
The alcohol Ji Xun was holding was all high-proof. High-proof alcohol already made it easy to get drunk, and mixing them would only make one drunker.
“Indeed,” Ji Xun’s tone was frivolous. “I can’t drive anymore. I’ll have to stay at your place for the night. I see your sofa hasn’t been used. Can I borrow it?”
“As you wish. If you want to stay, I can’t kick you out,” Huo Ranyin did not object. He left that sentence hanging and went to the bedroom to get his pajamas, then went into the bathroom.
Ji Xun’s drink was mixed, but at this moment, he suddenly felt it was meaningless. So he put down the drink and went to the sofa.
The plastic wrap on the sofa was still there, reflecting a cold light under the lamp.
Ji Xun casually tore at the plastic wrap a couple of times, then felt too lazy to move. The alcohol from the half-glass of Tequila Sunrise he had just drunk began to take effect in his body, devouring his strength and spirit, and then using them as fuel to burn his flesh and bones.
He felt tired, hot.
He closed his eyes.
When the colorful vision closed off, his sense of hearing began to take over. He heard the sound of water from the bathroom, a rushing sound—whoosh—whoosh. Huo Ranyin was in there, taking a quick, combat-style shower.
What a boring man, Ji Xun thought. It’s New Year’s Eve, doesn’t he want to soak in the bathtub for a while?
His thoughts wandered again, away from Huo Ranyin, to his surroundings.
He also heard the familiar voices of the hosts of the Spring Festival Gala. This year’s gala had also started.
There was also the sound of the wind, and the occasional honk of a car.
After eating the New Year’s Eve dinner that symbolized reunion, it seemed that people were once again separating on this day of reunion.
Suddenly, a cold scent reached his nose, a bit like mint, and also a bit like the ocean.
By the time the damp feeling touched his skin, Ji Xun, with his eyes closed, was startled to realize that Huo Ranyin had come out of the bathroom. But he didn’t open his eyes. A sense of weariness enveloped him. He wanted to keep his eyes closed like this until the end of time—or at least until the sun came out again.
“Drunk?”
Huo Ranyin’s voice sounded right next to Ji Xun’s ear.
Ji Xun mumbled a response. Usually, at times like this, the person disturbing him should have the decency to walk away. But Huo Ranyin didn’t. Not only did he not, but Ji Xun also felt a sudden weight on him. Huo Ranyin had sat on him.
It all happened in an instant.
When Ji Xun opened his eyes in astonishment, he met Huo Ranyin’s pupils. Under the light, Huo Ranyin had a pale, translucent face. Every one of his features was exquisite—his eyes, his nose, his lips, his ears—either elegant in form or handsome in description. Even if they were taken out and observed individually, they were enough to evoke affection.
Now, this beautiful face was right in front of him.
A drop of water from the other’s hair dripped onto the back of his hand.
“Are you that surprised?” Huo Ranyin repeated his words from the car, and then a faint smile appeared at the corners of his mouth. “Xin Yongchu’s death wasn’t that surprising to you. But you’ve been in a bad mood ever since you came out of the detention center. It’s because Xin Yongchu’s death reminded you of someone else.”
“Your sister also died on New Year’s Eve.”
He looked at Huo Ranyin.
The smile on Huo Ranyin’s face was like a mist. This mist, along with his words, seeped into Ji Xun’s heart.
Ji Xun let out a breath. He didn’t react as if a sore spot had been hit. Instead, he moved forward, getting close to Huo Ranyin, his eyes fixed on him, as if to prove his words with his unflinching gaze. “I said before I went, there’s no scene to be triggered by, no feelings to be stirred. Huo Ranyin, you think of me too much as a glass doll.”
“Of course it’s not because of your family’s tragedy. Everyone knows that’s a wound in your heart, a pain in your heart. But Ji Xun—Ji Xun, they don’t understand. Your real pain is not this.”
Huo Ranyin’s still-damp hand covered Ji Xun’s eyes, and he placed his other hand on his heart.
His voice was very, very low, as if he were telling a secret belonging to the night.
“It’s because you…”
“Stabbed your sister with a knife.”
The mist dispersed. Words were the cruelest of swords. It tore Ji Xun’s heart to shreds.
