DLRAS Chapter 41

Chapter 41: He would always have a sense of indebtedness to Huo Niansheng from his memories.

Coming out of the foundation, the sky was already dark, and it was a rare reunion. Joskin’s family lived nearby, and he invited Chen Wengang to his home for a simple meal.

Joskin’s features were distinct, with typical mixed-race characteristics. His nationality was British, with his father being British and his Chinese mother having the surname Qiao. As a result, his Chinese name sounded similar to his English¹ one.

Chen Wengang used to attend an international school. One of the memorable scenes was every Sunday when a group of boys sat in the auditorium, seemingly lost in their thoughts, listening to a sermon. The school supervisor, standing on the stage, spoke passionately, uplifting their spirits.

However, objectively speaking, the man was indeed a good person.

During that time, the school supervisor often invited students to his home in separate groups, showing genuine concern for each person’s academic and personal life. He could truly be described as diligent and responsible. Especially for highly sensitive students like Chen Wengang, he paid extra attention to their emotional well-being.

Chen Wengang had visited the supervisor’s home several times with Zheng Yucheng. This time, as they entered the house, he felt as if he had stepped back into his student days.

Joskin’s wife had already prepared a meal, and Joskin gave a pair of slippers to Chen Wengang. The family had two adorable children, both in elementary school. The older brother was in a higher grade, and the younger sister was in a lower grade. They were well-mannered and came out to greet the guests.

Joskin and his wife had also adopted a child with some disabilities, holding his thumb and handing a picture book to Chen Wengang.

Squatting down, Chen Wengang held the child’s small hand, teasing him with a smile, “Let me see, whose picture book is this?”

The child shyly smiled but could only make unintelligible sounds, indicating some developmental delay.

In his past life, Chen Wengang had been involved in many child rescue projects, interacting with various children and forming deep connections. However, he never thought of adopting a child himself.

He knew he was not in a position to take on the responsibilities of a guardian, nor did he ever consider being a father. While he could approach taking care of them as a duty and a career, forming a family was an entirely different matter. The concepts of a home and family were distant and foreign to him.

He never fantasized about it when he hadn’t broken up with Zheng Yucheng, and after Huo Niansheng’s death, he knew it was out of the question.

Joskin tousled the curly hair of the child, “He likes you. He usually doesn’t let anyone touch his books.”

Chen Wengang lifted the child, asking, “Is that so?”

The child shyly hugged his neck, evidently fond of him.

After dinner, Chen Wengang played with the children for a while at their home. Once the dad finished washing the dishes, he joined in wearing slippers.

Joskin acted as a referee for the game, and both the older brother and sister took care of the youngest brother.

Teaching them to fully accept the new member in the family, Chen Wengang knew it wouldn’t be an easy task.

The family was harmonious and joyful. He followed along with a smile, feeling a bit lost.

To be honest, he admired someone like Joskin. Relying on faith, he steadfastly adhered to the principles of being a good husband, father, and teacher, shouldering all the responsibilities he could. It was a complete contrast to the personality of Huo Niansheng.

There were indeed people and families like this in the world.

By 9 o’clock, the children were coaxed into bed.

Joskin and Chen Wengang finally had a chance to be alone. After some small talk, Joskin asked, “How are you? Is there anything bothering you lately?”

He poured a cup of cereal for Chen Wengang, and the two of them sat on the balcony, holding their cups and chatting.

Joskin naturally and effortlessly started the conversation, using the same tone he would have used while talking to students in the past. Whether in his role as a school supervisor or a psychological counselor, it seemed to be a professional habit.

Chen Wengang also had trust in him and shared, “I’m okay. But sometimes, I feel anxious about many things.”

Joskin asked, “Such as?”

Chen Wengang replied, “It seems like for some important matters, the more I want to do well, the more afraid I become. I hesitate and worry, always fearing making the wrong choices.”

Joskin expressed understanding, “We all have to accept that we are imperfect and will inevitably take the wrong paths. I’m the same way, but this is entirely normal. You have to be able to accept yourself first, accepting your imperfections. As long as you have a big goal in mind and establish principles and boundaries, if you make a wrong choice, you can correct it; the sky won’t fall.”

Chen Wengang hesitated for a moment, “And… issues in interpersonal relationships. Like with someone, the more I want to build a good relationship with them, the more I feel like avoiding it under pressure. It seems like I’m intentionally or unintentionally sabotaging my relationship with them.”

“How does this person treat you? Why do you feel like avoiding it?”

“He’s actually quite friendly. It’s just that subconsciously, I might feel unworthy.”

“Why do you feel unworthy?”

“Because…” Chen Wengang hesitated.

“If we have the thought of ‘unworthy,’ it often stems from a sense of ‘owe,'” Joskin said. “For example, if I feel unworthy of comfort, it might be because I know I’ve done something wrong and owe it in terms of morality. Feeling unworthy of a certain reward is because, deep down, I know I haven’t reached the required standard yet. Or my child feeling unworthy of receiving a little red flower might be because they know they haven’t finished their homework today and owe their parents’ expectations. But you should know, it doesn’t mean you’re not good.”

Chen Wengang was momentarily stunned and then said after a while, “… You’re right.”

He took a sip of the cereal, which had cooled down a bit. Chen Wengang put down the cup.

But it seemed like something faintly became clearer in his mind.

He finally forced a bitter smile, “Indeed, that’s the word. I guess deep down, I always feel indebted to the other person, and there’s no way to make amends. It’s not about whether I’m good or not. I’ve been feeling sad for a long time.”

His old teacher unintentionally pierced through a matter he was unwilling to confront.

No matter how time rewound, memories that had happened to him couldn’t be treated as if they hadn’t occurred.

He couldn’t imagine what kind of emotions Huo Niansheng had when writing that farewell letter in his previous life before the cruise ship accident.

Now he had a chance to make amends, but he would always have a sense of indebtedness to that Huo Niansheng from his memories.

Did a debt that was no longer remembered count as debt?

Everyone might have significant regrets in their lives, but he couldn’t get past this hurdle himself.

Joskin didn’t pass judgment or pry further; he just suddenly sniffed, “It smells so good.”

It was his wife baking cookies in the kitchen.

These were their homemade fortune cookies, with small notes containing Bible verses tucked inside the pocket-like cookies. Back when he was a student, they all had these. Joskin stood up, and Chen Wengang followed him to the kitchen.

Many freshly baked cookies were laid out on a tray, and the Joskin’s wife told them to help themselves.

Joskin kissed her cheek, selected a cookie, and broke it open. Without hurrying to eat, he unfolded his own note: “‘Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due when it is in your power to act.’ Wengang, this one is good; I can give it to you.”

Chen Wengang smiled and chose a cookie, carefully opening it.

He slowly unfolded the note in his hand, which read, “‘There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.'”

***

Joskin patted Chen Wengang’s shoulder as he saw him off, “We’ll have many opportunities to work together in the future. Feel free to come over to the house whenever you have time.”

Back at home, Chen Wengang took out the two fortune notes he got from his wallet, then casually stuck them near the bedside.

Even if it was just for spiritual comfort, at least in his case, he did feel a slow but steady sense of stability.

Checking them every day, as the frequency increased, would feel like some kind of luck and revelation, reminding him of what he should be doing.

And there were still many things waiting for him to do. Despite the constant reminders of heartache and self-pity, he was accustomed to controlling life with precise rationality, one thing after another, all things he needed to face—

Leaving aside the widespread final exams, the real busy season would come during the summer break. As a cousin, he needed to monitor Chen Xiangling’s academic progress, help her with procedures, and find her a place to live. He also had to work with other colleagues on the recruitment for the special education school. Before that, Chen Wengang planned to finish his own graduation thesis and initiate early contact with supervisors for the research projects he intended to apply for.

For another person, Qian Tongzhou found that he couldn’t seem to arrange meetings with Chen Wengang.

Every time he messaged, the response was either busy with this or occupied with that.

After a while, he began to suspect that Chen Wengang might be intentionally avoiding him. But when he asked Zheng Maoxun, Zheng Maoxun confirmed that Chen Wengang was genuinely busy, coming and going early and late, visible only at the company, sometimes even elusive at Zheng’s home.

However, before the final exams, there was an important event at the school—the graduation ceremony.

When Qian Tongzhou arrived at the school, the proceedings in the auditorium had already concluded.

The campus was bustling, with every corner adorned with graduation gowns and caps and graduating students posing for pictures with friends and family.

Though Chen Wengang and his peers had one more year before graduation, some seniors from the previous year attended to bid farewell, driven by social niceties.

Qian Tongzhou took advantage of this situation, sticking to people once he found them. In the lively atmosphere, he managed to photobomb several group pictures.

He also encountered You Ying, who had gone to the welfare home with him last time. She asked, “Do you want a separate photo for you guys?”

Qian Tongzhou enthusiastically put his arm around Chen Wengang’s shoulder, saying, “Sure!”

Snap, the picture was captured.

You Ying added Qian Tongzhou as a friend and sent him the photos.

Qian Tongzhou was both satisfied and dissatisfied with the result. The more he looked, the more refined and gentle Chen Wengang appeared, while he felt he looked a bit silly. At this moment, You Ying joked, “At next year’s graduation ceremony, the representative speaking on behalf of the graduating students might still be your senior.”

“Really? Is it already decided?”

“It’s not decided yet; there are several candidates. I just said ‘might.’ But personally, I think the chances are high. When the time comes, why don’t you ask Chen Wengang yourself?”

Qian Tongzhou’s heart fluttered at the thought of Chen Wengang speaking on the stage. Just imagining it made it difficult for him to look away.

Turning his head, Chen Wengang finished taking group photos with acquaintances on the playground and was about to leave.

Qian Tongzhou hurriedly caught up, “Hey, Wengang, I mentioned before that I wanted to consult you on how to do volunteer work…”

Chen Wengang paused, patiently listening to him. Qian Tongzhou blushed, “I mean, I want to sign up. For the place you went to.”

After some thought, Chen Wengang agreed, “Welcome. I’ll give you Director Liu’s number later. She remembers you.”

He agreed wholeheartedly, and Qian Tongzhou reluctantly said his goodbye: “Are you heading to the company now?”

This round trip was unfortunate; they barely spent an hour together.

A familiar graduate split a flower from the bouquet and gave it to Chen Wengang—a vibrant red one. He held it in his hand for a while, but now it was inconvenient to carry. Glancing around, he saw a statue of Shakespeare. Chen Wengang’s playful side emerged.

He leaned over, stretched his arm, and tiptoed to place the flower in Shakespeare’s stone hands.

Shakespeare’s stone hands now held a red flower, and the once rigid statue gained a hint of lively warmth. Qian Tongzhou sneakily hid his phone. Unable to resist earlier, he had sneakily taken a picture of this scene from behind. As Chen Wengang bid him farewell, Qian Tongzhou chuckled awkwardly, his hands tightly clenched.

In this moment, he felt he had completely surrendered.

Even though he knew the road ahead was long and challenging, he had been tormented by hesitation and uncertainty for quite some time. Realizing the pain, he knew he couldn’t give up like this.

Without sincerity, how could stones be moved? Qian Tongzhou had come to terms with it.

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