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Chapter 133: Becoming part of his very being.
Halley followed Chen Wengang closely, always by his side.
It had shed its youthful demeanor and was well-trained. Only when Chen Wengang played with it did it reveal its naturally lively and playful side. Compared to when it was younger, it seemed more intelligent and could more accurately sense its owner’s emotions. Previously, when Chen Wengang was feeling down, Halley would anxiously run around him, whining and pouncing on him. Now, it no longer barked; it just lay quietly beside him, resting its head on his knee. It seemed to exude a vibrant vitality that steadfastly and powerfully transferred to Chen Wengang.
New Year’s Day arrived again. Xiaoping called home, and her mother asked if she would be coming home for the New Year.
At first, she said she would, but after a while, she called back and said she wouldn’t. After all, the wages during the Spring Festival were several times higher, and with her younger sister starting high school soon and various household expenses, she wanted to save as much money as possible. The other reason she didn’t mention was that she had enrolled in night school, and classes would run until the 29th of the lunar month. Including travel time, she would have to miss two days of classes.
She was a bit anxious and didn’t want to talk much, even with her family, before getting her exam results.
On New Year’s Eve, most people in the villa were on holiday, leaving only the housekeeper and two or three other staff members.
The large house suddenly felt empty, and even Halley’s barking seemed to echo with a sense of loneliness.
Xiaoping was cleaning, and Chen Wengang was in the yard throwing a tennis ball. He would throw it, and Halley would fetch it. As she walked by, Chen Wengang suddenly called out to her and said, “Don’t bother cleaning anymore, it’s already clean enough. Do whatever you want to do.”
She thought for a moment and then, without being polite, said she wanted to use the computer to look up some information.
Chen Wengang agreed and asked her how her classes were going.
They went to the study, and Chen Wengang helped her figure out how to calculate her credits, even taking some time to help her with English and math.
Halley yawned and lay at their feet. When a pen fell to the ground, it picked it up for them.
Chen Wengang patted it and said, “Thank you, good boy.”
Xiaoping looked at the dog and then at him—having Halley around had finally brought some signs of life to him.
At least, he was making an effort to approach a normal life, which was obvious to anyone.
But this brought up another worry she had recently. At night school, she heard gossip about Mr. Huo.
No one knew each other or their backgrounds, and no one knew her employer was the subject of the gossip. Her classmates were talking excitedly, mentioning his personality changes over the years and how he rarely appeared in public. Someone then whispered mysteriously that an expert had analyzed it and suggested he might have been bewitched by a lover to keep him enchanted and tied to her, as there are many such spells in Southeast Asia. However, this superstition was quickly dismissed by someone else who argued that if a playboy reforms, it’s usually to prepare for a suitable marriage. Entertainment magazines had hinted several times that he was about to get engaged, which seemed obvious.
The villa didn’t subscribe to any entertainment magazines, so she wasn’t sure if Chen Wengang knew about this. At least, he hadn’t shown any signs.
But when she thought about it carefully, she couldn’t help but become even more curious about the relationship between the two men, even breaking out in a sweat.
Huo Niansheng was the owner of this villa and occasionally came to stay. It was like a paradise he had created for Chen Wengang. He seemed so grand, but ultimately, his life wasn’t entirely invested here. He had another life down the mountain.
What kind of life did he lead in that other half of his life?
Could his behavior in the mountain villa be just an act?
The villa had a quiet New Year.
The next day, when Xiaoping went to the living room, Chen Wengang gave her a red envelope. The red envelopes were prepared in advance by Huo Niansheng and placed in a drawer, one for each staff member, to be collected when they returned from their holiday, as a token of appreciation from their employer for their hard work over the past year.
Halley, unfazed by the cold, was running around in the yard, while Chen Wengang stood by the door watching him.
His breath fogged up the glass, and he reached out to wipe it clean, his figure looking very lonely.
Xiaoping vaguely remembered when she first arrived, he had been cooped up inside for so long that his skin was pale and sickly. She even felt he had an aura of someone close to death. Now, she had gotten used to him and didn’t feel that way anymore. Moreover, because he went out to walk the dog and got more sunlight, his complexion had indeed improved. At the start of the New Year, this seemed like a good sign.
Xiaoping turned on the TV to add some lively noise to the house.
She asked Chen Wengang, “Did Mr. Huo say when he would come over?”
Chen Wengang answered indifferently, “I don’t know, I didn’t ask.”
Xiaoping flipped through a few channels, but there was nothing good to watch. Chen Wengang had told the remaining staff that they didn’t have to work during the New Year. She was quite familiar with him by now, so they each occupied a sofa in the living room, looking at their own phones.
Chen Wengang was swiping his screen with one hand, absent-mindedly. Xiaoping had recently searched for Huo Niansheng’s name and accidentally came across her search history. Suddenly, the sound of a video exposing Huo Niansheng’s private life started playing.
She hurriedly turned off the sound and looked at Chen Wengang, extremely embarrassed.
But Chen Wengang said, “It’s okay, I watch these things online myself sometimes.”
Xiaoping became even more embarrassed. She awkwardly coughed twice and then explained, “I…”
Chen Wengang said, “It really doesn’t matter.”
They stared at each other, the scene somewhat comical. After a moment, Xiaoping couldn’t help but come clean. She admitted that she had searched because of the gossip she heard from her classmates. She was curious, but she didn’t really believe most of it.
Chen Wengang chuckled, “Even you believe in him so much, haven’t you noticed anything unusual?”
Xiaoping sighed, “It’s not about whether I believe it or not. Mr. Huo comes here so frequently. Speaking bluntly, don’t take offense, but even if he had other lovers, he’d need two more clones to manage it. I think he… you’re quite important to him. There’s really no need to overthink. Sigh, okay, okay, I was wrong. First day of the New Year and I’m being foolish. Can you just pretend you didn’t hear anything?”
Chen Wengang gently said, “I know, I understand all of this.”
After a while, he spoke again, for the first time revealing a bit of his true thoughts to her.
Chen Wengang said that from his standpoint, he could actually accept if Huo Niansheng chose to live with someone else.
Of course, he didn’t want him to marry just for an alliance—he believed Huo Niansheng wouldn’t stoop that low—but Huo Niansheng was indeed too good to him, excessively so. He had already shown immense patience and effort. To Chen Wengang, he was like a lifeline, but Chen Wengang felt he was dragging him down. So if Huo Niansheng one day realized that his efforts and rewards were not proportional and decided to find a suitable life partner, Chen Wengang could step aside and even give his blessing. All he needed was a decent farewell.
For some reason, Xiaoping suddenly felt frustrated by his lack of fighting spirit and said his thoughts were too defeatist and self-deprecating and that he shouldn’t think that way.
Chen Wengang didn’t argue with her. He admitted that he couldn’t control his negative thoughts and that maybe he wouldn’t think like this in the future.
Halley had had enough running outside and dashed back in like a gust of wind, barking once. Chen Wengang got up and opened the glass door to let him in. He took Halley to the bathroom and wiped his paws with pet wipes, then returned to the living room where Halley joined them in watching TV.
Xiaoping had a sudden idea and pointed at Halley, asking Chen Wengang if he had ever thought about who the dog should stay with if they separated.
Chen Wengang looked at her helplessly and laughed, “You sound like you’re asking who the child stays with after a divorce.”
She said, “It’s pretty much the same thing, so can you bear it? Is this your dog or Mr. Huo’s dog? Can you tell?”
Chen Wengang, hitting a sore spot, could only beg for mercy, “I can’t bear it. Then let’s say I was being foolish just now too. We’re even, OK?”
Xiaoping laughed heartily and began to reflect on how they were, talking about such strange things during the New Year.
She switched to an animated movie, which neither of the adults found very interesting, but Halley loved it, ears perked up, watching the screen without turning away. Chen Wengang suggested they watch it, and Halley barked happily, his tail wagging against Chen Wengang’s leg.
Many years later, when Chen Wengang looked back, it was Halley who pulled him out of the darkest days of his life.
And Huo Niansheng had already become the background of his life, integrated into his blood, becoming a part of him—a bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh, becoming part of his very being.
This process happened bit by bit, almost imperceptibly, like water wearing away stone.
Chen Wengang took medication for two or three years. The dosage increased and then slowly decreased. During this time, he changed doctors, and different doctors had different opinions. One believed his condition was severe and required long-term medication. Another thought he was still young and that taking the medication for so long would be too harmful to his body. Later, after a re-evaluation, to reduce the burden on his liver and kidneys, he gradually stopped taking the medication altogether.
But all those medications were still effective. The burdensome voice of self-reproach in his mind was no longer there, and he rarely had those sudden bursts of tears anymore. Honestly, looking back, it even seemed a bit embarrassing.
These past events had become something Huo Niansheng could joke about with him.
Chen Wengang never got annoyed, nor did he deny it. He just looked at him gently.
To a large extent, they might both feel a sense of having survived a catastrophe.
But life is still a vast, difficult sea to cross.
For many people trapped in their own cocoons, there seems to be no shore in sight in all directions.
In Xiaoping’s eyes, Mr. Chen still seldom smiled. He was calm and steady, treated people gently. Undoubtedly, his condition had improved, but in his life, the ability to laugh seemed unlikely to return. Depression is a disease that’s difficult to completely cure. Some have described it as an inescapable black dog—ubiquitous, pervasive, insidious, lurking, always ready to pounce.
Even if it leaves, it still hides in the shadows, waiting for a day to return.
As a result, Huo Niansheng still treated him cautiously, like handling a dangerous glass vessel.
Chen Wengang knew well what kind of trouble he was for him, but he couldn’t make himself recover to be like a normal person.
He picked up his paintbrush again and added color to his paintings using colored pencils and gouache. He used elegant tones, showing almost no hint of inner gloom, but neither were they intense nor passionate. He used this as a hobby to pass the time, though the interest wasn’t particularly strong. Sometimes he would sit in the room used as a studio for hours, and sometimes he wouldn’t touch a brush for days.
He was also self-studying French, but his memory and concentration were not what they used to be. He would put it down after studying for two hours each day. Huo Niansheng once asked him why he decided to learn this language, and Chen Wengang said he had taken an elective course in college and was just looking at it casually.
He sighed and said that time waits for no one. It seemed he had forgotten most of it.
Sometimes, when he recalled the faces of people he used to know, he found it difficult to immediately remember their names.
Chen Wengang didn’t feel particularly depressed about this. Even so, he had become stronger and more rational. The sense of powerlessness had not disappeared, but the dark fog that enveloped him had gradually faded. He could now see others and also see himself.
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