BTTC Chapter 158

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Chapter 158 (Extra 3)

Marriage certificate

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It was impossible to do it in South Africa. First of all, it didn’t meet Yan Xie’s requirements for “not too hot”—”Captain Jiang’s body is too delicate; he can’t bear the heat. If the temperature is higher than 25 degrees, he will melt into a puddle of water, and it’ll be very difficult to solidify him back into a human form.”

Miss Secretary: “…Is there any other place in this world where the highest temperature does not exceed 25 at the beginning of August in midsummer?”

Yes, country A in the southern hemisphere.

This city, which was unfortunately selected by Yan Xie at a glance, was said to be among the best in the world in light conditions and air quality, with good social security, simple and friendly residents, and extremely open folk customs—the same-sex marriage law had just been passed here. The surrounding area of ​​the city was close to the ocean and had famous natural attractions, which meant that Deputy Chief Wei could not only live his long-standing dream of sea fishing but even go fishing by boat. The proportion of local Chinese was quite high, so he could speak Chinese directly in many places without any communication barriers.

Even better, although it was in the out-of-season southern hemisphere, the daytime in early August reached a maximum of 18 degrees Celsius, with plenty of sunshine, blue sky, and excellent greenery, fully satisfying the dreams of all literary girls in Yan Xie’s heart.

“How wonderful,” Yan Xie said when boarding the plane, “after retirement, let’s go to this city to retire!”

Twelve hours later, the plane landed in this extremely southern city. As soon as the hatch door opened, the cold wind from the ocean current after sweeping the southern glacier instantly filled the cabin, pushing Yan Xie back three steps abruptly.

“Come by yourself to enjoy your retirement life!” Jiang Ting hunched over and trembled, hiding behind Yan Xie’s broad shoulders, and roared in the strong wind, “I’ll stay in Gongzhou to eat hotpot!”

Yan Xie selected very carefully, but he didn’t expect that the only shortcoming of this city known as “the most livable in the world” was that it had to face the ice and snow storms from the south pole every year. With the temperature of 18 degrees feeling as if it were 8 degrees, the official groom couldn’t stop the hair from standing on end even after applying three kilograms of hair gel.

Yan Xie grabbed Jiang Ting by the collar and shouted: “If you marry a chicken, follow the chicken; if you marry a dog, follow the dog—!” Then he wrapped Jiang Ting in his arms and walked away, step by step, against the howling, cold wind at the airport.

Regarding the scale of the wedding, Jiang Ting’s idea was relatively conservative: it’s okay for the two of us to live our lives behind closed doors. You can have a sense of ceremony if you want, but it’s not appropriate to make a big fanfare and mobilize the crowd. Otherwise, it would be embarrassing to spread the word. Don’t you think so?

But Yan Xie felt that since we didn’t steal, rob, or break the law, it was my personal freedom to do whatever I wanted with the wedding. This is the most important moment in a person’s life. Shouldn’t I focus on my own happiness? Why care about other people’s eyes?

Jiang Ting had a subtle and complicated attitude toward Yan Xie, but he was embarrassed to say it, and he himself would not admit it to death—so it was easier to give in to Yan Xie’s opinions in daily life. Faced with Yan Xie’s insistence, he was like a man who accompanied his wife to go shopping and swiped his credit card. Although his heart was convulsing, on the surface there was still a kind of “okay, okay, okay, you have the final say”. The day before the wedding, it was discovered that in the small-scale ceremony with thirty or forty people, the number of guests had more than doubled.

“Can you blame me for this?” Yan Xie folded his arms, arrogantly sitting on the big bed in the hotel suite with his thighs crossed and shaking his feet: “How many old bachelors like me are left? If they attend a wedding, can they come without their wives and children? In the final analysis, is it not to blame that you agreed to get married too late?”

Jiang Ting: “……”

Indeed, as Yan Xie said, the total number of guests could never be just thirty or forty. Even though the Yan family didn’t notify any old friends in the business field and only close relatives came, the people from Jianning City Bureau were invited from upper to lower levels: Chief Lu, Deputy Chief Wei, Yu Zhu, Fang Zhenghong, Gou Li, Huang Xing… All people from the upper and lower levels of the criminal investigation division came with their families, and there were also several familiar political commissars and chiefs, etc… Some came and some didn’t, but whenever they came, they always brought their wives and children with them. Anyway, Yan Xie’s family could charter a flight, and they had money, so everyone agreed because it would be foolish not to take advantage. In the end, Chief Lu simply regarded Yan Xie’s wedding as this year’s annual team building event for the city bureau.

In addition to the colleagues from the city bureau who received the invitation, there was also Captain Kang Shuqiang from the SWAT next door who finally got up from the hospital bed (“Surname Yan, I’m telling you that I will never go on missions with you again! You are a disaster star!!” “Damn it, what did I do, isn’t it all the fault of that surname Wen. How about I treat you to dinner later?!”), Yang Mei from his in-laws’ side (“Brother Jiang, my Brother Jiang! The cabbage, I worked so hard to raise!!…” “Surname Yang, you shouldn’t be unreasonable. I am the only one who waters and fertilizes this cabbage and eliminates insects and pests; what are you complaining about?!”), and Jiang Ting’s few comrades who were still alive.

Almost all of the anti-drug police officers who had the closest relationship with Jiang Ting in the Second Division died after the 1009 explosion, leaving a few seriously injured in bed, and a few even laid in the hospital bed for more than half a year. Even though they were beaten to death, they refused to believe that Jiang Ting was a black policeman, but because they were usually close to Jiang Ting, they were subjected to strict scrutiny and unfair treatment afterward and finally had to change jobs or sink to the police station. Their situation was quite rough.

After the anti-drug operation in Yaoshan, the Ministry of Public Security strictly investigated the 1009 case, and a group of chief-level officials were dismissed, while the reputations of those anti-drug police officers of the second division who were wronged in the past were restored one after another. Some of these people who were still willing to stay in the police force all received belated meritorious service and commendations and were brought back to the City Bureau Headquarters; some were disheartened by the Gongzhou system, and they all followed Jiang Ting and took their families to Jianning. Chief Lu urged the S Provincial Public Security Bureau to accept the files of these people.

In fact, they would live more comfortably in Jianning. In any case, the climate, housing prices, wages, and benefits were much better than those in Gongzhou, and their professional titles were promoted faster.

In this way, after all the calculations, the total number of people at the wedding exceeded 80, and in addition to the on-site staff, the number of people broke through 100.

Jiang Ting defended feebly: “Actually, I’m mainly afraid that the wedding expenses will be too high…”

Yan Xie said: “Oh, don’t look for a reason. The money that our consultant Jiang contributed to the medical cause of the motherland is enough to hold ten weddings. As long as a big Buddha like you just takes good care of his precious body, everyone in the criminal investigation division will burn incense…Come to sleep and give me a cuddle! Don’t run away! You have to get up early in the morning!”

………

On the day of the wedding, Yan Xie could sleep until 8 o’clock in the morning, but Jiang Ting had to get up at 6 o’clock—because Madam Zeng Cuicui’s royal make-up artist, after a strict assessment, said that the young master’s wife’s face was pale, his lips were gray, and the ends of his hair were slightly dry; the overall summary was that he looked sick. If he didn’t wear makeup, the effect would be very tragic when the photos were taken.

The word “sick” scared Madam Zeng Cuicui, and she forced Jiang Ting to drink red date soup for a month before leaving for country A, but even so, he still didn’t escape the make-up artist’s clutches—magic palms.

“Why don’t you want to trim these eyebrows? After trimming, I will add two strokes to the tip of the eyebrows. Don’t you think that the shape of the eyebrows will come out like this? The nose also needed to be highlighted. If you don’t highlight it, the shape of the nose will not show. Although the bridge of the nose of the handsome guy is already very straight, the effect is still different when you take a photo… Don’t hide! Let me draw the inner eyeliner too! It will get into your eyes later! Hey, handsome, look at your hands, how can you not trim your nails? How can you not maintain your skin? Why are there so many calluses on the palm of your hand? Don’t you know that hands are our second faces?”

It was daylight outside the window, and Jiang Ting was sitting in the big makeup chair in the outer room of the hotel suite with an expression as if his soul had gone out of his body, “…that’s because of using guns.”

The make-up artist with flaming red lips and voluptuous body—Jamie de Douglas Li Baozhu—held Jiang Ting’s hands and said solemnly: “Our handsome guys’ hands need to be taken care of, unlike those stinky men’s hands!”

Madam Zeng Cuicui nodded in deep agreement while struggling to look through the closet.

“Hey! Mom!” Yan Xie yawned and was stunned immediately as soon as he opened the bedroom door, wrapping himself in a towel in a hurry: “Why are you here?”

Bang!

The mountain of cloth in Mother Yan’s arms was poured on the sofa, and the corners of her brows and eyes couldn’t hide her joy: “I came~ to dress up~ Ting Ting~”

Miraculous Ting Ting was paralyzed in the big makeup chair; his eyes were empty, and his expression was detached as if he was about to sacrifice his body to the very excited Madam Zeng Cuicui as a figurine in the next second and then ascend to heaven immediately.

“Wait, Mom,” Yan Xie suddenly realized something was wrong, “Didn’t we agree that I would wear black and Jiang Ting would wear white? Mom, what is this in your hand?”

Mother Yan looked innocent, holding a set of dark green, sapphire blue, and wine-red suits in her arms, and dozens of matching square scarves of various colors piled up on the sofa, saying: “Oh, I asked the designer to make a few more sets. I want Ting Ting to try them. If the effect is good, he can change a suit every hour at the wedding; otherwise, it will be so monotonous to wear white all the time.”

Yan Xie: “……”

Mother Yan picked up the emerald green velvet coat and compared it to Jiang Ting’s body; her eyes gleamed with sincere joy and satisfaction: “Look at this color, this tailoring, and how well this complements his skin. If it weren’t for your mother, I, working so hard early in the morning to help Ting Ting put on makeup for two hours, today’s photoshoot might—”

Yan Xie looked at Jiang Ting, and before he could blurt out the sentence “But he doesn’t look like he has changed” that could be selected as the Top 1 of the 21st Century Straight Men’s Golden Sentence List, he suddenly saw Jiang Ting meet his gaze, his eyes suddenly flashing with a light of joy like being saved.

Yan Xie: “?”

Jiang Ting grabbed his hand, straightened up, and pushed Yan Xie back into the makeup chair, saying firmly, “Auntie, don’t worry about what clothes I’m wearing. Yan Xie’s makeup hasn’t been done yet!”

Yan Xie: “?!”

“Eyebrows, hair, facial mask, inner eyeliner, finger cutting…nail care,” Jiang Ting held Yan Xie’s chin with one hand and gestured to Mother Yan with one hand, his posture seemed very professional: “And look at his teeth, he smokes so much. The calluses on his hands are rough. You should deal with him quickly; otherwise, it will be too late for the wedding to begin!”

Yan Xie: “What? What are you talking about? This callus was caused by guns!”

Poor and defenseless Yan Xue finally realized that a danger that he had never experienced in his life for more than 30 years was approaching rapidly, but before he had time to struggle hard, the four Tathagata palms of his mother and teacher Jamie fell from the sky and firmly pressed Yan Wukong on the dressing table.

“…Jiang Ting?!” Yan Xie couldn’t believe it: “You just sold your husband? Where are you going?! You come back to me—”

Mother Yan grabbed her son: “Don’t move! Let me put away Ting Ting’s clothes first, then I’ll see your teeth! Xiao Li, bring the tooth cleaner!”

Teacher Jamie: “Hey~ say ah~”

“I… I’m going to have breakfast.” Jiang Ting hurriedly dropped a sentence, not daring to face Yan Xie’s shocked and accusing eyes, and slipped away as if there was oil on the soles of his feet.

Eleven o’clock in the morning.

“Here comes the bride—”

The door burst open, and Ma Xiang, Gou Li, Yang Mei, Han Xiaomei, Gao Panqing, and a group of bastards who were not afraid of death were so happy that they broke into the suite without prior notice. In the crowd, Ma Xiang’s voice, fearing that the world would not be chaotic, was particularly loud, and he said: “Sister Meimei, you didn’t believe me. I know that Consultant Jiang has to wear a wedding dress today, and maybe he has to paint his eyebrows and put on makeup. Can’t wait to see him… Eh? Brother Yan?!”

In the outer room of the suite, Yan Xie, who was ready to go, was pressed by Mother Yan on one side of his face, and the other side was tightly squeezed on the table. Teacher Jamie’s approaching black pen tip was reflected in his pupils, and he shouted hoarsely: “Don’t draw eyeliner——! Mom! I’m going to have a psychological shadow! Mom!!”

Mother Yan pressed her son’s ear: “No! Okay! Ting Ting has also done it, so You have to do it too! After drawing it, you’ll have big eyes for taking pictures! Be obedient!!”

Ma Xiang: “……”

Yan Xie: “……”

Everyone: “……”

The room fell into a brief and eerie silence. During those two seconds, Yan Xie suddenly burst out with a strong desire to survive, pushed away the monster called eyeliner with one palm, broke free from his mother’s restraint, and rushed out the door in a hurry in front of everyone’s eyes. 

“Where are you going? Come back to me!” Mother Yan chased out the door, feeling annoyed: “The eyeliner is only half drawn, you look weird with one big and one small eye!”

At the end of the corridor of the hotel, Yan Xie’s begging for mercy echoed: “I’ll go get Jiang Ting back for you to play with!…” Then he jumped into the elevator and disappeared.

Madam Zeng Cuicui said angrily: “A dog bites Lu Dongbin¹A phrase which means giving an ill reward to a person’s kindness!” After that, she had no choice but to go back to the room angrily and go to entertain Ma Xiang and Han Xiaomei’s gang of “bride-welcoming” bastards from the city bureau.

At the same moment, in the sauna room of the hotel, Chief Lu was in the billowing white mist:

“Ah-tch!!”

Deputy Chief Wei couldn’t dodge in time and almost got sprayed in the face, but he quickly moved away: “What are you doing, old Lu? You have a cold?”

“I don’t know,” Chief Lu rubbed his nose inexplicably and then smiled again: “Who knows if some old policeman from the Ministry of Public Security is talking about your handsome and dashing old brother, me, behind my back?”

“Hey, you’re so self-indulgent…” Deputy Chief Wei snorted, and the two continued to spread their towels lazily on the stone slab, each wearing a head with worrying hair and a general belly that could not be ignored, racing against time to enjoy the leisure time before the official start of the wedding.

It just so happened that the rest of the team passed by outside. Seeing this scene through the glass, they turned their heads in horror.

………

Where was Jiang Ting?

Jiang Ting nestled comfortably on the sofa in the deepest part of the coffee shop in the hotel lobby.

Yan Xie finally escaped from Teacher Jamie’s clutches, so he went downstairs to find something to eat. When Yan Xie saw a head full of black hair on the back of the sofa from a long distance away, his anger surged from his heart to his guts, and he rushed over in a few steps, grabbed Jiang Ting’s innocent ears from behind, and said, “Are–you–done–drawing–the-eye-liner-?!”

“Dammit!” Jiang Ting was shocked, and almost threw away the pen and paper, and quickly covered it with Chief Lu’s signed edition of the book.

However, Yan Xie had sharp eyes and quick hands, and he stood behind the sofa and stretched out his hand to hold him down: “Don’t move! Show me! What are you doing? Who are you secretly writing a love letter to?”

Jiang Ting couldn’t help but laugh: “It’s not finished yet. Let go, I’ll order a sandwich for you…”

“Don’t wanna eat! Show me quickly, what is this? Red crayon?”

The two wrestled for a while, like kindergarten children robbing toys, one insisted on wanting, and the other insisted on not giving. The waiters passing by gave them a friendly (and gossipy) smile. Finally, Jiang Ting couldn’t hold it anymore and stuffed the pen and paper into Yan Xie’s arms with a flushed face: “Look, look, you are really…”

Yan Xie was full of interest. He snatched the paper to take a closer look and was immediately stunned.

They were two pieces of folded paper painted red, with a few characters written on them—a marriage certificate.

These two words, “marriage certificate,” were extremely simple, but the inner pages were very finely drawn, and even the patterns on the header of the paper were not bad. The two lifelike figures leaned head to head. The eyes, nose, and mouth of the one on the left looked like those of the young master, “Yan Xie.” It had two thick sword eyebrows, staring seriously with big eyes. The one on the right had a smile on his face. It was “Jiang Ting.” It’s matchstick- like arms were drawn together like two fingers, making a V shape.

The certificate holder, registration date, and ID number were all available, and the marriage certificate number was compiled on the spot by Jiang Ting’s inspiration from somewhere.

Yan Xie froze in place.

“I had nothing to do, so I just…” Jiang Ting covered half of his face with a steaming mug, only showing a pair of bent eyes, and said with a smile, “Isn’t my drawing skills good? I used to practice drawing suspects when I was working on a case. Isn’t it very godlike?”

Yan Xie was silent for a while, then gestured to Jiang Ting’s V-shaped gesture on the picture and asked, “What does this mean, victory?”

“Victory.”

“Win what?”

There was a smile in Jiang Ting’s eyes, “I didn’t spend a single penny and successfully deceived you, a handsome guy with a salary of 50,000 yuan. Should it make me feel proud?”

Yan Xie couldn’t hide the curve of his mouth anymore, but he still tried to keep a straight face: “That’s not right.”

“What’s wrong?”

Yan Xie laughed, picked up a pen without any explanation, and drew an upside-down symbol on the head portraits of the two marriage certificates, and then flicked the paper to teach: “I am the husband! The husband is on the left. “We aren’t even married yet, and you already started bullying me?”

Jiang Ting laughed and cursed crazy, then stretched out his hand to snatch it, but Yan Xie forced him back to the sofa, putting his heavy chin on top of Jiang Ting’s head, shaking the two pieces of red paper: “I’ll keep mine and yours too.” He carefully folded the two marriage certificates and stuffed them into his arms, pressing his chin on Jiang Ting’s head, and said solemnly: “Divorce is not possible, divorce is not allowed, there is no such thing as divorce. You made the marriage certificate yourself, so you will be responsible for me for the rest of my life.”

Jiang Ting laughed uncontrollably. Yan Xie stretched out his hand, took him into his arms, and pressed a deep kiss on his forehead.

The sun shines through the floor-to-ceiling windows, shining golden on the deck and reflecting in their eyes as they stare at each other. Yan Xie saw his own shadow in Jiang Ting’s deep pupils, and suddenly countless feelings came to his heart, sweetness in heartache and numbness in intoxication. He couldn’t help whispering: “Jiang Ting…”

“Yan Xie.”

“?”

A strange expression of suppressing a smile slowly appeared on Jiang Ting’s face, and he said, “You only have half of your eyeliner drawn.”

Yan Xie: “…”

“Your big and small eyes are very obvious. How about I wait for you to go back and touch up your makeup first?”

Before Yan Xie’s pledge of eternal love could be uttered, he was hit head-on by tons of heavy blows, so he had to go upstairs obediently in despair amid Jiang Ting’s out-of-control laughter to touch up his makeup.

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  A phrase which means giving an ill reward to a person’s kindness