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Chapter 34: “You can do it.” Qin Ge whispered, “You can do anything.”
Bi Xingyi was locked in the interrogation room of the Criminal Investigation Department, with two tall guards stationed outside, maintaining vigilance.
Nobody in the Criminal Investigation Department had ever witnessed firsthand how an adjuster like Qin Ge patrolled in the “sea area.” The surveillance in the interrogation room was connected to the department’s projector, and Qin Ge was surprised to find out that everyone in the room would be watching a live feed of his work. He was nearly overwhelmed.
“I’ve never heard of such an arrangement,” he whispered to the head of the Criminal Investigation Department.
The section chief smiled and said, “This is Director Gao’s idea. There will be a lot of collaboration between our departments in the future, so we need to communicate and exchange more, right?”
Qin Ge was seething with frustration but couldn’t voice it, so he let it go.
Only the adjuster and his diving partner could enter the interrogation room. As they pushed the door open, Qin Ge felt Xie Zijing quietly squeezing his hand.
Xie Zijing had stayed over at Qin Ge’s place the previous night. Not only had he stayed over, but he had also gone back to his own home to fetch a change of clothes. Qin Ge’s workload had been exceptionally heavy lately, and he genuinely needed someone to be there for him. He didn’t have roommates or family like Qin Shuangshuang, so he needed Xie Zijing very much.
Qin Ge continued to research documents and literature until past 3 a.m. Xie Zijing brought him a glass of lemon water, and after drinking it, Qin Ge quickly fell asleep at his desk. He woke up in bed the next morning.
He wondered if anyone had told Xie Zijing that he was incredibly gentle. It was the kind of gentleness that wasn’t always obvious, sometimes imperceptible and intangible. Qin Ge glanced at him, indicating that he understood Xie Zijing’s intentions. Right now, he needed to stay calm and not lose his temper.
Rather than saying that Bi Xingyi was sitting in the chair, it was more accurate to say that he was bound to it. In addition to handcuffs, his feet, legs, back, and neck were all restrained, rendering him immobile. Besides the restraints, several medical devices were connected to Bi Xingyi’s body, continuously monitoring his physiological responses. When Qin Ge and Xie Zijing entered, he merely blinked his eyes, locking eyes with Qin Ge, but he didn’t speak.
Doctors from the 267th Hospital had administered sedatives and medication to him. Under the influence of the drugs, Bi Xingyi had slept for half a day, and Qin Ge could see that he still wasn’t fully awake, appearing fatigued and indifferent.
Xie Zijing released his barbary lion. As the lion touched the ground, Bi Xingyi’s body suddenly trembled. His previously lifeless eyes followed the movements of the lion.
The lion approached from behind Bi Xingyi and crouched down. Bi Xingyi’s blood pressure, heart rate, and breathing all skyrocketed. Qin Ge stood behind him, noticing that his muscles were tense.
He was nervous. This was the first time Bi Xingyi had exhibited a stress response since his arrest.
In a state of stress, his psychological defenses became exceptionally strong, like a reinforced dam, making it impossible for Qin Ge to access his “sea area.”
“You hate it, don’t you?” Qin Ge walked to Bi Xingyi’s back, stood next to the lion, and gently stroked Bi Xingyi’s hair while whispering, “If you allow me to ‘patrol’ your sea area, I’ll make it leave.”
“…No.” Bi Xingyi gritted his teeth.
“I won’t harm you, but it will,” Qin Ge said softly. “You have to agree to my request, and I can make it leave. You know I’m a psychological adjuster, and I don’t have the ability to harm you.”
After saying this, Bi Xingyi’s heart rate and breathing quickened once more. He was afraid. Qin Ge was momentarily puzzled but quickly realized that Bi Xingyi’s fear was about something specific—he didn’t trust adjusters because he had experienced something with another adjuster in the past.
Qin Ge recalled what Xie Zijing had told him, that aside from Professor Lu Qinglai, Bi Xingyi didn’t allow anyone else into his sea area.
“I know Professor Lu. You know, he’s my work partner, and we’re very familiar. He mentioned to me that you’re kind and hardworking, but there are some unresolved issues in your heart. You love your sister, Bi Fan, very much, and we all know that.” He said some seemingly ambiguous words, “If you want to resolve this matter as soon as possible, you can trust me.”
After several rapid breaths, Bi Xingyi’s heart rate and breathing finally calmed down slightly.
“…I know I have issues,” he said softly. “But they’re not major issues. I love Bi Fan, and I have to protect her.”
“Mmm.” Qin Ge gently patted his shoulder.
Bi Xingyi finally agreed to Qin Ge’s request, allowing him to enter his “sea area.” Qin Ge signaled for Xie Zijing to take away the Barbary lion, lowering his head and closing his eyes.
There are no two identical “sea areas” in the world, even for two individuals with the same diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia. Each “sea area” is unique, evolving from its own foundation.
However, nearly every individual displaying paranoid symptoms has a “sea area” filled with intense and illogical emotional markers, much like the “sea area” of Bi Fan that Qin Ge had patrolled before. These areas were devoid of any real details, except for fear.
But Bi Xingyi’s “sea area” was different.
Qin Ge found himself in the middle of a city. He stood on a narrow street, surrounded by towering buildings. The sun was scorching, and the shadows of everything fell directly on the ground. The buildings around him didn’t follow a coherent architectural style. Qin Ge looked at a nearby awning and realized that all the buildings had the same self-made appearance, and without exception, they were all labeled “603.”
He couldn’t see any living beings, whether birds or people. But there was a strange, buzzing sound in the air, like the sound of people talking and the sound of wind passing through crevices.
Qin Ge pushed open a nearby door and entered.
However, as soon as he stepped inside, he immediately stepped back out, turned to another door, and opened it.
After opening over a dozen doors consecutively, Qin Ge took a deep breath.
There was nothing behind each door—only deep, impenetrable darkness. The darkness seemed to conceal something, absorbing all the light. Inside and outside the doors were two completely different worlds.
Qin Ge didn’t dare to enter recklessly. He thought for a moment and began to walk along the street. After walking for a while, the buzzing in his ears suddenly disappeared. The abrupt silence made Qin Ge feel uncomfortable, and he couldn’t help but look up.
A massive eyeball floated in the sky, staring at him.
Qin Ge immediately remembered the round, wide eyes he had seen in Bi Fan’s “sea area.”
Quickly, the eyeball rose higher, and a face appeared in the sky. It was Bi Xingyi’s face.
Qin Ge’s heart trembled. This was Bi Xingyi’s self-awareness in the “sea area,” but its form was far too massive.
The gigantic Bi Xingyi lifted his leg and stomped toward the buildings. The buildings shattered like pieces of paper, and the fragments passed through Qin Ge’s body, turning into a fine mist and dissipating into the air. Qin Ge quickly turned and followed the rapidly retreating Bi Xingyi.
As they walked, Bi Xingyi’s figure grew smaller and gradually became of similar height to Qin Ge.
All the shattered fragments and mist turned into countless speckled shadows, forming a forest with the sound of water. Bi Xingyi continued to walk forward, and Qin Ge once again heard that buzzing sound.
This time, he understood it clearly; it was a man’s voice. He was asking, “Have you found it?”
Bi Xingyi came to a halt.
“No,” he replied.
The forest shattered once more, and the paper-like fragments scattered everywhere. Qin Ge only had time to see countless tiny octopus tentacles rolling in the black river.
Bi Xingyi’s voice trembled. “I’m still searching.”
He continued walking, and the fragments and mist coalesced once again. This time, Qin Ge passed through a swamp.
Continuing this way was futile, as these were all illogical fragments. Qin Ge decided to invade Bi Xingyi’s deep “sea area.” He hurriedly took a few steps, grabbed Bi Xingyi, and pressed his hand against Bi Xingyi’s chest, forcibly pushing inside.
Intruding into the deep “sea area” was extremely dangerous. The deep “sea area” contained memories and significant events that had been chewed over repeatedly. It often held the most secretive pasts of the sentinels and guides. Without permission, an adjuster could get trapped inside and be unable to leave.
But Qin Ge had limited time for his patrol, and he couldn’t afford to waste it.
His palm pressed into the chest of this “Bi Xingyi,” feeling like he was sinking into a dense, cold, semi-solid mixture. Qin Ge closed his eyes tightly and seemed to be passing through this mixture, swaying unsteadily in the wind.
When he opened his eyes, he found himself in a small room. He lay on a comfortable recliner, and a man was sitting beside him, but Qin Ge couldn’t see the man’s face.
“Have you found it?” the man asked again.
Qin Ge, using Bi Xingyi’s voice, replied, “No, I can’t find it.”
“What exactly are you looking for?”
“…Family,” Bi Xingyi said, “I miss my grandmother. I don’t have any family.”
He sobbed softly.
“That’s really sad,” The man’s voice was deep and magnetic; every word and phrase seemed to be rhythmically recited. “Besides your grandmother, do you want any other family members?”
Bi Xingyi cried, “Teacher, please help me.”
“What about a little sister?” The man asked, “Do you want a little sister?”
Bi Xingyi’s crying stopped. “I… I don’t have a little sister.”
“You’ll have one.” The man extended his hand and patted Bi Xingyi’s back. “You’ll love her and protect her. Do you remember what I said when I last patrolled your ‘sea area’? Do you remember?”
“…You said I was kind and knew how to take care of people,” Bi Xingyi replied in surprise. “You also said I would have loyal family members.”
“Yes,” the man said softly. “I will tell you where she is. Can you promise to take good care of her?”
“I can!” Bi Xingyi immediately agreed.
The man smiled. Qin Ge suddenly felt his body shudder, and the next moment, he was standing on a balcony inside the room. Octopus tentacles extended from behind him, with him clinging to the building’s exterior wall and entering another balcony on the upper level. Afterward, it was a matter of opening a door and entering the room. Bi Xingyi sat on Bi Fan’s bed, reached out to pat the trembling blankets, and said a few words to himself before leaving the room. As he left, he slightly adjusted the camera on the table so that it was directly pointed at Bi Fan’s bed.
This was surveillance and control. Qin Ge instantly understood where the countless eyeballs in Bi Fan’s “sea area” had come from: they were all Bi Fan’s fears, and her fears stemmed from Bi Xingyi.
The ground shattered once more, and he continued to fall, ending up seated at a dining table. Two other figures, one male and one female, were present at the table. Qin Ge found it difficult to describe their appearances; they were monstrous beings with indistinct and menacing features. However, they spoke to Bi Xingyi with gentle tones:
Xingxing, come and have your meal. Xingxing, your exam scores were excellent, and your father is proud of you. Xingxing, Mom bought tickets for the amusement park for you…
Bi Xingyi lowered his head immediately, not daring to lift it. Qin Ge noticed his trembling hands clenched into fists under the table, and the intense fear almost overwhelmed him.
The ground shattered once more.
Qin Ge continued to fall along with Bi Xingyi. The memory that occupied the most space in Bi Xingyi’s deep memories was first the days he spent with his grandmother and second, the memories of being cared for by the two monstrous beings. The monsters brought more monsters, claiming to be Bi Xingyi’s cousins, nephews, nieces, and all sorts of relatives, but all of them bore indistinct, menacing features.
Delusions manifested in Qin Ge’s mind in a very specific way, and every time he saw a monster approaching, fear would almost instantly surge from his heart. He could understand the fear and despair in Bi Xingyi’s eyes, as in Bi Xingyi’s view, all the relatives around him had changed.
In order to find reliable and trustworthy loved ones, he followed Lu Qing’s advice to create a “sister.”
Time was running out, and Qin Ge attempted to leave the “sea area” of Bi Xingyi, but he found his feet tightly ensnared by the tiny arms of an octopus, unable to move.
The young Bi Xingyi, the teenage Bi Xingyi, and the present Bi Xingyi all surrounded him, with everyone’s feet submerged in a shallow pool of black water, while numerous octopus arms writhed in the viscous liquid.
“Sister…” they reached for Qin Ge’s hand. “Sister, stay with me; don’t go.”
Qin Ge realized that he couldn’t leave.
He had delved too deeply into Bi Xingyi’s deep sea area and was now trapped within it.
Desperately trying to free himself from those cold, sticky hands, Qin Ge roared, “Xie Zijing!!!”
The released Barbary lion suddenly twitched its ears and raised its head to look at Qin Ge.
Xie Zijing embraced Qin Ge, slowly removing his hands from Bi Xingyi’s body. The Barbary lion received the command, baring its teeth and deeply biting into Bi Xingyi’s leg.
The pain immediately awakened Bi Xingyi, who screamed and writhed, and the painful cries soon turned into sobs.
Qin Ge was drenched in sweat as he woke up in Xie Zijing’s arms. His palms were covered in cold sweat, beads of sweat dripped from his temples, his gaze was somewhat unfocused, and his lips were pale. His fingertips felt weak and powerless.
Biting his lip to regain his composure, he signaled for Xie Zijing to help him up. Before leaving the room, he wiped the sweat from his forehead and straightened his posture, pushing the door open.
The chief of the Criminal Investigation Division followed him, noticing Qin Ge’s condition was not right and reaching out to assist, but Xie Zijing beat him to it, helping Qin Ge lean on him.
They entered the adjacent interrogation room, and Qin Ge immediately removed all the pretense of calmness.
Bi Xingyi’s deep “sea area” had captured him, subjecting him to an attack when he was most vulnerable. Qin Ge could hardly move, leaning against Xie Zijing while struggling to control his racing heart and trembling. It seemed as though countless eyeballs were still surrounding him, and the fears of both Bi Xingyi and Bi Fan were screaming inside his head.
“You look terrible,” the chief of the Criminal Investigation Division said, concerned.
“Exactly.” Qin Ge looked at him. “So, you’ve earned one of my secrets.”
The chief chuckled awkwardly. “I understand why Gao Tianyue didn’t allow you to conduct a patrol.”
Qin Ge spared no pleasantries with him. “Have you found out that Lu Qinglai conducted Bi Fan’s graduation examination? Does it have Bi Fan’s address on it?”
“Yes, it does. Before graduating, Bi Fan had already moved out of the New Hope student dorms. She pursued a degree in fashion design and had some financial support, which enabled her to rent an apartment off-campus. All the results of the graduation examination could be either picked up personally or mailed. Bi Fan’s home was quite far from the school, so she chose to have it mailed, and she wrote down her address on the registration form.”
Qin Ge nodded.
Lu Qinglai told Bi Xingyi that he “would have a little sister,” and this was how he revealed Bi Fan’s address to Bi Xingyi.
Qin Ge recounted everything he had seen in Bi Xingyi’s “sea area” to the chief of the Criminal Investigation Division.
“We have indeed been keeping an eye on Lu Qinglai, but we didn’t expect him to…” The chief pondered for a moment. “It’s not technically incitement to commit a crime. He only provided a hint without specifying any concrete method. Besides, what’s his motive for doing this?”
Qin Ge couldn’t answer his question.
“I can include everything I’ve seen in my assessment report,” Qin Ge said. “You can investigate based on my findings.”
“No, Qin Ge.” The chief furrowed his brows in discomfort. “You were patrolling Bi Xingyi’s ‘sea area,’ so your assessment report can only confirm Bi Xingyi’s condition; it can’t be used as evidence to charge someone else.”
“…What can we do, then?” Qin Ge’s emotions were getting the better of him, and he yelled hoarsely, “Lu Qinglai is definitely involved in this!”
Xie Zijing quickly patted his shoulder to calm him down.
“We’ll continue to monitor Lu Qinglai,” the chief said as he got up. “You can rest assured. If such a person exists, we won’t let him slip away.”
Qin Ge had a pounding headache, and the nausea kept getting worse. He pushed past Xie Zijing and rushed into the restroom of the office, but he retched for a long time without bringing up anything.
After drinking a large amount of warm water, Qin Ge, feeling unsteady, managed to complete the assessment report for Bi Xingyi. He only felt a sense of relief when he handed the report over to the Criminal Investigation Division.
“I’ve contacted Director Gao.” The chief said after hanging up the phone. “He reiterated the same point: without concrete evidence and investigation results, we can’t jump the gun. But he has decided to remove Lu Qinglai from the examination team for the college entrance exams. The specific reasons for this will be determined on his end. You should go home and rest for now. Don’t worry; we’ll keep an eye on Lu Qinglai.”
This time, the impact of the journey was much stronger on Qin Ge than the previous ones.
Every time he closed his eyes, he could see countless wide-open eyes in the darkness, staring at him with malevolence. These eyes had various colors, but without exception, they were filled with malice.
Qin Ge dared not close his eyes anymore and leaned on Xie Zijing as he looked at the rapidly passing street scenes outside the car window. The taxi driver occasionally glanced at him through the rearview mirror and said, “Young man, your complexion doesn’t look right. Are you really not going to the hospital?”
They returned to Qin Ge’s home, and when Qin Ge lay down on the bed, his teeth were chattering. He felt very afraid, but he didn’t know exactly what he was afraid of. The fear emanating from others was like the cold of winter, penetrating his body and robbing it of its original warmth.
Xie Zijing was busy in the kitchen, heating water for Qin Ge. Qin Ge lay there for a few minutes, unable to bear the cold, so he turned on the air conditioning. The Barbary lion walked back and forth by his bedside, and for the first time, Qin Ge saw a hint of concern in the eyes of this imposing beast.
Qin Ge took a bath, soaking in the bathtub for over ten minutes. Xie Zijing dared not enter but knocked on the door several times and only entered when he heard Qin Ge’s response. The Barbary lion, on the other hand, walked boldly into the bathroom, standing by and watching Qin Ge.
Qin Ge felt quite embarrassed. “…You should leave.”
The lion acted as if it didn’t understand, walking around the bathroom, wagging its tail, and having its golden eyes fixed on Qin Ge. Qin Ge completely submerged himself in the hot water, with only his head above the surface. The hot water relieved his coldness but couldn’t completely calm him. His little rabbit remained hidden, and his palms produced faint, indistinct vapors.
Upon returning to the bedroom and lying on the bed, Qin Ge saw a cup of warm water with two fresh lemon slices placed on the bedside table. Tiny bubbles were rising from the lemon slices as they soaked in the water.
Xie Zijing heard the noise and poked his head in from outside. “Qin Ge?”
“Hmm?”
“Feeling any better?”
Qin Ge wanted to say he was feeling better, but he couldn’t lie. “Not good…,” he replied, clutching the blanket and curling up on the bed. “It’s really bad…”
Xie Sijing crouched beside the bed, rubbing Qin Ge’s damp hair. “Sleeping like this will give you a headache.”
“If it hurts, let it hurt.” Qin Ge’s voice was muffled from beneath the covers. “I just want to die.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know,” Qin Ge hesitated and then added, “Because I’m useless. I’m worthless.”
The bed sank on the other side as Xie Zijing lay down. He held Qin Ge and used a soothing tone as if he were talking to a child. “Who said you’re useless? You’re amazing.”
His breath drew closer, and even through the thin blanket, it swept over Qin Ge’s consciousness like a gale.
In almost an instant, Qin Ge’s body warmed up, causing him to blush and look toward Xie Zijing.
Seeing Qin Ge blushing and his eyes moist, Xie Sijing felt somewhat embarrassed for reasons he couldn’t explain.
“I’m just holding you for a while,” he said, “Don’t worry, I won’t do anything.”
His fiery and dry breath felt like a hand caressing Qin Ge’s skin and hair. At this moment, he felt like his behavior pattern had regressed, turning him into a teenager of around fourteen or fifteen, seeking comfort in the midst of fear and sadness.
Qin Ge moved closer to Xie Zijing’s face. A not-unfamiliar desire was growing in his heart, and he wanted to express it clearly.
“You can do it,” Qin Ge whispered, “You can do anything.”
This person hadn’t shaved properly that morning. When Qin Ge’s lips neared Xie Zijing’s chin, they brushed against some stubble.
But in an instant, he found himself liking that stubble again, wishing he could kiss and caress it. Just as their tongues were about to meet, Xie Zijing lowered his head and kissed his lips.
The author has something to say:
Regression is a psychological term that refers to when a person, when facing setbacks or negative emotions they cannot cope with, abandons their current coping mechanisms and reverts to earlier, especially childhood or adolescent, strategies for dealing with these emotions. It’s a psychological defense mechanism often linked to significant childhood or adolescent traumas.
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