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Chapter 71: We’d hold hands and walk on the snow.
“I am Qin Ge.” Qin Ge stood by the hospital bed, glanced at Xie Zijing, then lowered his head and opened the folder in his hand. “Teacher Zhang should have already told you, I am your personal therapist. Until your ‘sea area’ is fully restored, I will come here every day.”
Xie Zijing nodded. He stared intently at Qin Ge flipping through the files.
He wanted to memorize Qin Ge’s appearance.
His eyebrows were thick, and when he frowned, little ridges formed between them. The double eyelid line disappeared into the inner corner of his eye, making him look gentle even when he squinted. His eyelashes were long, casting clear shadows on his face under the harsh white indoor light. His lashes, too, were stuck together by those long shadows.
Is his spirit animal a rabbit? Xie Zijing thought of the rabbit head on the cover of his small notebook. Would it be as gentle and cute as he is? He wondered idly.
Qin Ge noticed the change in his expression and looked up, seeing Xie Zijing smiling.
“…Why are you smiling?” He put down the folder.
Xie Zijing shook his head. “Nothing.”
Qin Ge: “I am your therapist. I hope you can be honest with me.”
Xie Zijing shrugged. “Teacher Qin… or Chief Qin? Zhang Xiao said you’re the head of the Adjustment Department of the Crisis Management Office, my superior.”
Qin Ge: “…Either is fine, call me whatever you like.”
Xie Zijing began to hide his emotions and thoughts. This was the first change since his ‘sea area’ had been restored. Qin Ge felt a bit desolate inside: how many more changes would there be? He didn’t know and couldn’t imagine.
He dragged a chair over, sat by the bed, and signaled Xie Zijing to lie down. Xie Zijing was still holding a small notebook. Qin Ge frowned: “Put it away.”
Xie Zijing looked at him: “Is it okay if I hold it?”
Qin Ge reached out to take it, but Xie Zijing slapped the notebook against his chest, pressing it tightly. “No, this is my treasure.”
He said this with a smile, but Qin Ge always felt his smile was not simple. He gave up and instead extended his hand to Xie Zijing: “Give me your hand.”
Xie Zijing obediently extended his hand. He saw a white mist rise from Qin Ge’s body, rolling and settling in his palm. The mist eventually formed a small, indistinct shape, fluffy, and with tiny claws scratching his palm, tickling him.
But that seemed to be the limit. Qin Ge’s spirit animal couldn’t form a clearer shape.
“…Chief, are you very tired?” Xie Zijing asked.
Qin Ge didn’t immediately realize he was being spoken to.
“You cleared the debris from my ‘sea area’ today. Wouldn’t some rest make you feel better?” Xie Zijing tilted his head to look at him.
Qin Ge glanced at him, quickly looking away: “We need to make good use of our time.”
Qin Ge’s hand covered the fluffy little thing. Xie Zijing suddenly became nervous. His heartbeat quickened, his breathing became rapid, and he couldn’t close his eyes.
“What’s wrong?” Qin Ge noticed his discomfort and immediately leaned closer to ask, “Where do you feel uncomfortable?”
A huge, claw-like fear gripped Xie Zijing’s body. He was stiff, unable to move, and only able to clutch his small notebook tightly. He was scared, very scared—afraid of someone entering his empty ‘sea area,’ afraid of any comment Qin Ge might make. For sentinels and guides, the ‘sea area’ was the most secret place, holding all their cherished, loathed, and shameful memories.Now, he had to expose them.
Xie Zijing’s Adam’s apple moved. He wanted to swallow to calm himself, but his mouth was extremely dry, and his twitching throat felt like it was being cut by a knife. The pain was fierce. He couldn’t help but groan.
Qin Ge was startled and immediately jumped up. The little fluffy thing in Xie Zijing’s palm disappeared, turning into soft mist that enveloped him.
“Don’t be nervous, don’t be afraid.” Qin Ge was almost lying on top of Xie Zijing, stroking his hair and looking into his eyes. “I’m right here, Xie Zijing. I’m with you, nothing you fear will happen.”
Xie Zijing saw himself reflected in Qin Ge’s eyes, a sweaty self on the white bedsheet.
Qin Ge’s eyes were so bright, some kind of urgent and intense emotion was hidden under his long eyelashes and soft eyelids. Xie Zijing couldn’t fully understand it in this short moment. But in Qin Ge’s gaze and voice, his heart suddenly pounded, making him flustered like a palpitation.
But after the palpitation, his fear disappeared, as if it had never existed.
“…Can you…hold my hand?” Xie Zijing asked.
Qin Ge sat back in his chair, keeping a reasonable distance, and nodded.
He held Xie Zijing’s hand and asked if there were any other questions.
Xie Zijing thought for a while: “Can I call you Qin Ge directly?”
Qin Ge was stunned for a moment, then nodded again.
Xie Zijing thought, he’s really cute. He chuckled for a while, still pressing the notebook against his chest, and peacefully closed his eyes.
Qin Ge had envisioned what kind of ‘sea area’ he would see. When he previously entered Xie Zijing’s ‘sea area,’ he found that the ruins were actually an endless city.
This should be Xie Zijing’s home, the city that spoke as if telling jokes.
But to Qin Ge’s surprise, he stood in a thick fog, and all he saw was a vast expanse of white.
“…Xie Zijing?” He didn’t dare move recklessly, shouting into the fog. “Where are you?”
After shouting several times, a tall figure slowly emerged from the mist.
Xie Zijing broke through the fog and walked up to him.
“There’s nothing here?” Xie Zijing scratched his chin. “Did the therapist make a mistake?”
The 18-year-old Xie Zijing was indeed gone. Standing in front of Qin Ge was a sentinel of the same age as now, his self-awareness appearing in response to Qin Ge’s call. Qin Ge looked him up and down and suddenly felt a bit strange: “What are you eating?”
Xie Zijing waved the two loquats in his hand: “Want one?”
Qin Ge: “It’s not a real loquat anyway, what difference does it make whether you eat it or not?”
After speaking, he immediately held his forehead in silence. This was in Xie Zijing’s ‘sea area,’ what was the point of chatting idly with his self-awareness? Qin Ge forced himself to return to work mode, quickly pulling himself together: “Everything in your ‘sea area’ lacks a tangible form. After clearing the ruins, rebuilding is my job. Please trust me…what are you doing?”
Xie Zijing used his fingers to open Qin Ge’s pocket and put a loquat in it.
Qin Ge: “…”
Xie Zijing: “Keep it, in case you get hungry later.”
Qin Ge didn’t want to waste time with him and repeated what he had just said: “…In short, you must trust me.”
“Hmm.” Xie Zijing stood in front of him, slightly bowing his head, smiling at him, “I trust you completely.”
His smile was indeed strange. Qin Ge suddenly thought of a possibility he had never considered. He became excited all at once, grabbing Xie Zijing by the collar with such force that Xie Zijing took two steps back: “You know who I am, don’t you?!”
Xie Zijing: “You are Qin Ge.”
Qin Ge stared at him intently: “If I find out you…you’re teasing me, I…you know I can do a lot of things in your ‘sea area.’”
Xie Zijing quickly revised his answer: “You are Qin Ge, the head of the Adjustment Department, my superior, and also my therapist.”
After a moment of silence, Qin Ge let go of him, took a deep breath, and calmly looked at Xie Zijing: “Next, you must recall as much as possible and give me detailed answers to my questions.”
He walked into the fog.
Xie Zijing followed him, asking, “Qin Ge, can you hold my hand?”
Qin Ge completely ignored him.
Hidden in the fog were indistinct buildings, yet to fully emerge from the mist.
“Do you still remember the center of your sea area? The place you often linger?” Qin Ge asked Xie Zijing, who was following closely behind him.
Xie Zijing threw the only remaining loquat in his hand from his left hand to his right: “The central park.”
“What does it look like?”
Xie Zijing looked at the thick fog. “It’s full of flowers in the spring and summer. I took photos in the park when I was just this tall.” He gestured to show the height of a small child. “The park isn’t big, and there are many old houses around it; all of them are former residences of famous people. I was very young at the time and didn’t know who those famous people were or what their stories were, but I was familiar with their houses.”
A bit of green gradually seeped through the fog.
It grew larger and larger as the fog rolled into the green spot. Like paint soaked with water spreading across textured paper, the houses broke through the thick fog surrounding them.
“Xie Zijing, keep going,” Qin Ge urged excitedly. “What kinds of houses are there?”
Xie Zijing remained silent, looking down at his feet. There was also a bit of fog at his feet, but it wasn’t affected by the waves within the ‘sea area.’ He recognized it: it was the aura of Qin Ge’s spiritual body, that rabbit. Everything was gentle and peaceful; he felt protected by the guide beside him. In this vast fog, he was not alone, and he was absolutely safe.
[I’d like to take him for a walk in places I’m familiar with. It’s best if it’s snowy, with few people on the roads and the houses covered in white. We’d hold hands and walk on the snow.]
This was written in his small notebook.
“Xie Zijing, don’t stop; keep thinking,” Qin Ge said as the surrounding scenery gradually became clearer. “And what about that porcelain house? The one you said you really liked.”
Xie Zijing suddenly grabbed Qin Ge’s hand.
“The porcelain house is over here.” He pulled Qin Ge forward. “The outside is covered in porcelain pieces. When the weather is nice, it looks very beautiful, but sometimes it can be a bit dazzling.”
They walked into the pathless fog, but with each step, everything became clearer.
Qin Ge, being led along, noticed that snowflakes began to fall from the sky.
But all the plants in the ‘sea area’ were budding, and all the flowers were ready to bloom. It shouldn’t be winter now.
He looked at Xie Zijing in confusion: “Why is it snowing? What are you thinking about?”
Xie Zijing: “I want to see if I can control my ‘sea area’ now.”
Qin Ge: “But why snow?”
Xie Zijing smiled: “You don’t like it?”
Qin Ge didn’t look at him, turning his head to evade: “The snow is too heavy.”
Xie Zijing shook his wrist, and a moment later, a parasol appeared in his hand. Qin Ge was shocked: Xie Zijing could fully control his ‘sea area’! His self-awareness was currently the master of this ‘sea area.’ There were no ruins, and no externally imposed consciousness; Xie Zijing was his own master.
His joy surpassed all other emotions within him, and he couldn’t help but smile as he watched Xie Zijing raise the parasol to shield them from the falling snow.
Snow covered the rooftops, heavily bending the branches, but the roses continued to bloom tenaciously, despite the weight of the snow.
“Qin Ge, I remember now.” Xie Zijing said, “I’ve met you before. Did you participate in a national skills competition in junior high school?”
He lowered his head, looking into Qin Ge’s eyes.
“Is my memory wrong?”
Qin Ge: “No, it’s not.”
As soon as he finished speaking, his figure trembled and then vanished. Xie Zijing was taken aback, hurriedly closing the parasol. Snow continued to fall, the city streets extending forward, his ‘sea area’ slowly restoring itself. Snow almost covered his feet, but the person he wanted to share the snow with was gone.
Xie Zijing opened his eyes, calming his heartbeat before sitting up, only to find the hospital room empty, with no sign of Qin Ge.
He immediately jumped out of bed, feeling both frustrated and regretful. He shouldn’t have asked Qin Ge that question. Since he couldn’t gauge the distance between them, he should have interacted with Qin Ge like any ordinary stranger. His unintentional question could easily drag Qin Ge into a deep, melancholic mire.
But he couldn’t help it. He knew what kind of feelings once existed between him and Qin Ge; the aftershocks of those feelings were still shaking his heart and lungs.
“Where is my guide?” Xie Zijing asked at the nurse’s station. The nurse told him that Qin Ge had just taken the elevator and left. Xie Zijing decided to head for the emergency exit. He clattered down the stairs and finally saw Qin Ge at the entrance of the inpatient building.
Qin Ge was talking to a young man who looked like a middle school student.
Xie Zijing slowly approached. Wow, this guy was even pulling Qin Ge’s arm. Wow, Qin Ge was even patting his head. — Pursing his lips, Xie Zijing got closer and asked a rather impolite question: “Who are you?”
Jiang Xiaochuan was startled by him and stammered to Qin Ge: “Is his brain really broken?”
Qin Ge succinctly replied: “It is indeed broken.”
Xie Zijing: “Who’s broken? I’m not broken.”
After learning from Qin Shuanshuang that Xie Zijing was hospitalized, Jiang Xiaochuan, who had nothing to do during his break, came to the hospital, wanting to visit this impressive sentinel brother. However, the sentinel brother no longer remembered him and was scrutinizing him with suspicion.
Xie Zijing’s small notebook didn’t mention Jiang Xiaochuan at all.
Qin Ge told Jiang Xiaochuan to go home immediately. It was already completely dark, and the subway was about to stop running. He shouldn’t be hanging around District 267 for too long. “… Forget it, I’ll take you home,” Qin Ge said. “Let’s go, say goodbye.”
Jiang Xiaochuan waved to Xie Zijing with a look of pity: “Goodbye.”
Xie Zijing grabbed Qin Ge’s elbow and frowned after a moment: “Qin Ge, I have a headache.”
Qin Ge: “If you have a headache, go back to sleep.”
Xie Zijing: “Maybe it’s something wrong with the ‘sea area.'”
Qin Ge: “Today’s patrol is over. If you ensure sleep and rest, there won’t be any problems.”
But Xie Zijing still wouldn’t let him go. Qin Ge threw the car keys to Jiang Xiaochuan: “Go sit in the car and wait for me.”
Jiang Xiaochuan knew he wanted to send him away, so he took the keys, smiled, and ran off.
There was a short distance from the inpatient building to the parking lot, and the streetlights were very dim. Jiang Xiaochuan walked a few steps and heard footsteps following him. Turning around, he saw a young man who had just left the inpatient building. The man was looking down, tapping on his phone screen. Noticing Jiang Xiaochuan looking at him, he glanced up briefly before looking down again. Jiang Xiaochuan felt the man looked familiar.
“Hello,” the man said, successfully dialing a call, “This is Meng Yu.”
Jiang Xiaochuan froze, his steps faltering, unable to move.
The man walked past him, and Jiang Xiaochuan saw the clear cracks on the skin behind his ears. He was an undergrounder.
Strong suspicion and disbelief made Jiang Xiaochuan unable to resist following the man. As soon as the man put down his phone, Jiang Xiaochuan ran a few steps and blocked his way.
“Are you Meng Yu?” Jiang Xiaochuan’s mouth was dry, nervous, and scared. “Are you Meng Yu from the Atlantis Bar?”
Meng Yu put away his phone, looking Jiang Xiaochuan up and down. He suddenly remembered: this was Qin Ge’s younger brother, the underage kid who had once confessed to him.
At this moment, Meng Yu felt awkward: “… Hello.”
“Are you really Meng Yu?!” Jiang Xiaochuan looked at his face, then at his chest, “… You’re a man?”
Meng Yu nodded: “I’m a man.”
Jiang Xiaochuan almost fainted. He suddenly remembered: on the night when sister Tang Xing was attacked, he had also seen this tall, handsome man in the hospital. But at that time, he only felt the man looked familiar and didn’t connect him with his goddess at all.
“I recognize you.” Meng Yu smiled, “Any progress on the robot you made for your brother?”
Jiang Xiaochuan, both embarrassed and angry, shouted at him: “Liar!”
Meng Yu: “I never said I was a woman.”
Jiang Xiaochuan: “Then… then why didn’t you tell me back then?! Were you laughing at me in your heart?”
Meng Yu looked at him: “I wasn’t. What’s funny about genuine feelings?”
The young man in front of him looked like an angry little beast, both sad and furious.
“I was very happy. Thank you for liking me,” Meng Yu said softly. “I’ve lived in the Wangdu District for a long time. I know that being liked by someone is a wonderful, happy thing.”
“… You told someone else, didn’t you?” Jiang Xiaochuan’s eyes were red, “You know my brother… you must have told him too!”
“I haven’t told anyone,” Meng Yu answered seriously. “This is a secret between you and me.”
At this moment, Jiang Xiaochuan couldn’t understand that not revealing the truth was also a form of kindness. He abruptly turned and ran into the depths of the parking lot.
“Can I see you again tomorrow?” Xie Zijing asked Qin Ge.
Qin Ge didn’t look at him, focusing on his phone: “Yes, I’ll come every day.”
Xie Zijing reached out and covered his phone screen: “Why won’t you look at me?”
Qin Ge gritted his teeth: “Because you’re ugly.”
Xie Zijing: “When will I fully recover?”
Frankly, the speed of Xie Zijing’s ‘sea area’ recovery was much faster than Qin Ge and Zhang Xiao had anticipated. It seemed they could soon delve into his self-awareness to trace back the memories of Deer Spring. This might cause Xie Zijing some pain. “There’s no rush, take it step by step. If we confirm tomorrow that your ‘sea area’ has recovered to an ideal extent, we can try exploring the memories,” said Qin Ge.
Xie Zijing: “Where will I live after I’m discharged?”
He changed topics quickly, and Qin Ge was baffled: “You have your own home.”
Xie Zijing looked at him, his gaze dropping to the edge of Qin Ge’s pocket. When Qin Ge had pulled out the keys for Jiang Xiaochuan, he had also partially pulled out another set of keys from his pocket. A small lion head keychain was peeking out, its tiny eyes looking at Xie Zijing.
“Tomorrow, I can show you my spirit body,” Xie Zijing said. “It’s very impressive.”
Qin Ge: “No need; I’ve seen it.”
Xie Zijing thought for a moment and then said, “Can you order takeout in the hospital?”
Qin Ge finally lost his patience: “What exactly are you trying to say?”
Xie Zijing thought he might be a bit of a pervert. Even Qin Ge’s annoyed look amused him.
“Alright,” said Xie Zijing. “I just wanted to chat with someone.”
The night wind rustled the treetops, and a fallen leaf clung to Qin Ge’s hair. Xie Zijing reached out to remove it, and Qin Ge stood stiffly, watching him approach. Xie Zijing grabbed Qin Ge’s hand, placed the slightly yellowed leaf in it, and smiled: “See you tomorrow.”
He ran back to the inpatient building with a light step, nearly bumping into a nurse coming out. The nurse was startled by this patient, who was all smiles even while hospitalized, and muttered a few curses under her breath.
Tomorrow, they would trace back the memories of Deer Spring. Standing in the elevator, Xie Zijing wondered what they might uncover. He wasn’t entirely calm; the thought of Qin Ge accompanying him made him feel at ease. Working with a guide like Qin Ge should be a pleasant and joyful experience. Xie Zijing wanted to find some evidence in his fuzzy memories to support this idea. He even began to look forward to returning to his job at the Crisis Management Adjustment Department.
The elevator doors opened on a middle floor, and a young man, looking at his phone, walked in. Xie Zijing kindly reminded him: “This elevator is going up.”
The young man glanced at the control panel and said, “It’s okay… Xie Zijing?! You’re awake?!”
The man excitedly grabbed his shoulders: “Are you alright? I’m Tang Cuo! Do you remember me?”
…Panda!
Xie Zijing remembered.
The two shook hands, both unfamiliar and familiar. Tang Cuo: “It’s good that you’re alive.”
Xie Zijing: “…”
Tang Cuo: “Why do you seem quieter? Is this your true personality?”
Xie Zijing didn’t know what he was talking about, so he just smiled.
Tang Cuo was clearly very happy, chattering away. As the elevator approached the top floor, Xie Zijing had to remind him: “Let’s chat more when I return to the Adjustment Department.”
Tang Cuo was taken aback: “But you’re no longer with the Adjustment Department.”
This time, it was Xie Zijing’s turn to be surprised: “What?”
Tang Cuo: “The Criminal Investigation Department has taken you away. This afternoon, Qin Ge already transferred your file from our department to the Criminal Investigation Department.”
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