For the rest of the way, I was absent-minded.
The red boxing gloves swung and hit my chest with the movement of the bus, which was somewhat irritating. I tugged at the red gloves, wanting to take them off my chest several times, but then I saw him again.
He was standing next to me, holding the handrail with one hand, his gaze directed at the city streets outside the window.
I followed his gaze and looked out. It was just an ordinary open-air wet market. The mournful cries of chickens, ducks, fish, and geese waiting to be slaughtered intertwined and echoed. The stone slab ground was pitted and uneven, with rotten vegetables and leaves submerged in overflowing sewage.
It was a place that, after one look, you wouldn’t want to look at a second time.
I turned back and looked at him again.
He was still watching with great interest. The dirty scene of reality, upon entering his eyes, seemed to be cleansed and purified, stripped of its filth and chaos, leaving only the hustle and bustle of people, the sounds of chickens and dogs, a scene full of life.
“Be careful,” he suddenly said, extending his hand towards me.
I was slow to react for a moment, and in his palm, I saw a branch adorned with green leaves.
The branch had poked in through the bus window. As the bus turned, it got close to the curb, and the branches of the greening trees planted along the road drooped low. The branches curiously poked into the long box filled with people, swept over my head, were caught in his palm, and then, as the bus continued to move forward, swayed and pulled away.
In the gentle play of light and shadow, the emerald green leaves seemed to sprout from his palm.
For a long time after, I still vividly remembered this scene that was like magic, lighting up a gray life.
After that, we arrived at Meijiu Village.
It was a rather old residential complex with lax security. We easily found the household where Yu Xiaoyu lived. He glanced at the clothes hanging on the balcony and said, “There is an elderly person in Yu Xiaoyu’s home, probably her grandmother or maternal grandmother. Apart from that, there are no adult clothes. It looks like Yu Xiaoyu and the elderly person depend on each other. Did something happen to her parents?”
I didn’t know much about that.
He went to knock on the door, but unfortunately, the old grandmother inside was not very welcoming to a male classmate and just told us that Xiaoyu was not home and we should leave.
If Yu Xiaoyu wasn’t home, we would have to wait.
The residential complex had only one entrance and exit, which was very convenient. We just had to sit on the rest bench next to the entrance and wait for her. He raised his hand and looked at his watch. “It’s five-thirty now. I just smelled the old lady inside cooking. We’ll wait for at most half an hour to an hour, and Yu Xiaoyu will be back.”
However, this time his deduction was slightly off.
We waited until almost seven o’clock before we saw Yu Xiaoyu running hastily into the complex.
I hurried up and blocked her way.
Yu Xiaoyu looked at me. Her round glasses had slipped to the lower part of her nose. Her gaze, from above the rim of her glasses, seemed unable to focus, looking scattered and dazed. “Who are you? What’s the matter…”
She didn’t recognize me, which was normal. She had just transferred to Class E. At first, she always kept her head down, and later she was always with Xu Shijin. She probably didn’t recognize everyone in the class.
Besides, I was bruised and swollen today, my face was disfigured. Even if she recognized everyone, she might not recognize the current me.
“I’m Zhou Zhaonan,” I said. “I came to ask you about Xu Shijin. She’s your good friend. Did she tell you she was running away from home? The teacher was clearly willing to let her transfer to Class A, so why did she still leave?”
Regarding Yu Xiaoyu’s attitude, he and I had discussed it in the past hour or so, or rather, he had unilaterally listed all of Yu Xiaoyu’s possible reactions.
Finally, he discussed it with me. He said he thought that for Yu Xiaoyu, this witness whom we didn’t know very well yet, the more direct and startling we were at the beginning, the more we could glean some truth from her reaction.
I actually wanted to object.
Not that his idea was bad, but I hoped I could come up with a better idea myself. That way, it wouldn’t always be me being impressed by him; he would also be impressed by me.
Unfortunately, I was never able to find a better way and could only tacitly agree to his suggestion.
He once again made the right choice.
Yu Xiaoyu’s face changed. The seemingly gentle and weak her now appeared very angry, and her words were unusually sharp, a sharpness she had never shown at school.
“Knowing full well that the entire Class A dislikes Shijin, they still want to send her to Class A. Is the head teacher trying to kill Shijin? In that case, isn’t it just what they want for Shijin to leave a suicide note and kill herself somewhere? Don’t block my way, I’m going home.”
Yu Xiaoyu bypassed me and walked towards her home.
“Wait, classmate…” His hand reached out from behind and touched Yu Xiaoyu’s sleeve, but Yu Xiaoyu suddenly lowered her head and started running. The sleeve slipped through his palm, and she was gone.
“Should we chase her?” I asked him.
“Two boys chasing a girl, wouldn’t that put too much pressure on her?” he explained. “I didn’t come up just now, not to push everything onto you, but because I didn’t want her to feel too unsafe.”
He always thought too much. I was unimpressed.
“She smells of smoke,” I suddenly said. “She probably lost track of time at an internet cafe, that’s why she was in such a hurry.”
“I didn’t smell it…” He looked at me in surprise. “Your nose is really sharp.”
Now it wasn’t all him doing everything. A faint sense of pride rose in my heart. However, the next moment, I heard him say again:
“When Yu Xiaoyu’s sleeve was pulled up just now, I saw scars on her arm.”
He squinted slightly, as if recalling the fleeting sight.
“There are dense knife cuts, not too deep, and cigarette burns. Besides the old person, there’s no one else in Yu Xiaoyu’s family. These scars look like they are self-inflicted. Could Yu Xiaoyu have depression?… Are you listening to me? Why are you angry?”
My face was sullen. I didn’t want to talk to him.
However, he still insisted on dragging me to a burger joint, saying that since I had followed him all this way, he wanted to treat me to dinner. We sat down in the shop. He ordered two burgers and gave one to me.
Then, an endless stream of questions poured from his mouth:
“Why does the entire Class A dislike Xu Shijin? Xu Shijin has always been a student in Class E, right? How did she get into a conflict with Class A?”
This matter… is a long story.
At the beginning of the second year of high school, we went on an autumn trip to a scenic spot, and an accident happened.
Zhen Huan from Class A jumped into a reservoir and drowned.
It was suicide.
Before that, there were rumors in Class A that she had an ambiguous relationship with the new chemistry teacher who came to teach Class A during the summer break. This chemistry teacher was young, tall, handsome, and witty, a teacher well-liked by students. Zhen Huan was indeed quite close to this teacher, which attracted a lot of gossip.
Words can kill, it’s just like that.
After the person died and the matter blew up, the teachers immediately began to investigate the scene and look for witnesses.
Later, they found two people, one witness from Class A and one from Class E.
The witness from Class A voluntarily stood up and said she saw Zhen Huan walking towards the reservoir. She called out to her twice, but she didn’t respond. Then she left. As she was leaving, she saw a red hat.
On the day of the autumn trip, different classes wore different colored hats.
Class A wore yellow hats, and Class E wore red hats.
The red hat she saw was undoubtedly a student from Class E.
The teachers investigated and questioned again. Xu Shijin stood up and admitted that she saw Zhen Huan commit suicide by jumping into the water.
When she stood up, the students of Class A were in an uproar, because Xu Shijin was once a substitute on the school swimming team.
A student who could swim witnessed another student drowning but did not try to rescue them or shout for help. It always felt a bit strange.
Some radical students from Class A even accused Xu Shijin of watching someone die without saving them, of deliberately harming someone.
Faced with these slanders, even the most ordinary girl would have to argue her case.
Xu Shijin retorted, “I have no grudge against Zhen Huan, why would I want to harm her?”
The students of Class A were at a loss for words. But soon, they found a reason: “Because Zhen Huan took your performance spot.”
Qinjiang Affiliated High School was a school that paid great attention to students’ holistic education. The school organized many clubs and actively established connections with the outside world, allowing students from these clubs to go out for performances, competitions, and exchanges.
Besides participating in the school swimming team, Xu Shijin had also signed up for the piano club. Recently, the piano club had an opportunity for an external performance, and the piece to be played was Dvořák’s “Humoresque.” Xu Shijin had practiced very hard for a long time. However, because Zhen Huan played better, even though Zhen Huan was not actually a member of the piano club, the performance spot was given to Zhen Huan in the end.
Xu Shijin initially argued a couple of times that she had no resentment over such a small matter, but the students of Class A simply didn’t believe her. This wasn’t surprising; the same thing is different in the eyes of different people.
People only believe what they want to believe.
Xu Shijin seemed to have understood this later and gave up arguing. She seemed to have finally figured out that at this moment, she was standing in opposition to the entire Class A.
Someone had to be responsible for Zhen Huan’s death.
If it wasn’t “Xu Shijin watched her die without saving her,” then wasn’t it “Class A’s rumors killed her”?
She declared to the teachers and the investigating police:
“Although I can swim, I haven’t received professional training. Trying to save someone who is determined to commit suicide, not to mention whether I could save her, what if I was also dragged down and drowned?”
“Why didn’t you call for help?” the teacher asked her.
“I was scared. By the time I thought of calling for help, you had already arrived,” Xu Shijin replied.
The matter passed just like that, but from then on, Class A became a united front, collectively disliking Xu Shijin.
The initial verbal spat between Xu Shijin and Jiang Jie also originated from this.
Huo Ranyin was a student in Class A. Jiang Jie, who always worried about Huo Ranyin’s worries and thought about Huo Ranyin’s thoughts, couldn’t bear to see Huo Ranyin troubled, so she wanted Xu Shijin to go to Class A and apologize.
But Xu Shijin refused.
From then on, the conflict between the two escalated, until today.
The story was all told. I should go back now. Before leaving, I looked at him. He seemed to be able to read my mind, his eyes curving into a smile as he waved at me:
“Don’t worry, I’ll be here for a few days, until this case is solved. How about it, isn’t investigating a case interesting? I’ll come find you at your school again tomorrow!”
I didn’t answer and walked all the way back to my residence.
The house was brightly lit. My aunt was sitting in the living room watching TV, and my uncle was in the bedroom playing on the computer. He—Huo Ranyin—was for once not in his room, but sitting in the living room, watching TV with my aunt.
When I came in, their gazes all turned to me.
My aunt complained, “Why are you so late? You didn’t even say you weren’t coming back for dinner. The extra food we cooked is all wasted.”
Huo Ranyin looked at me with a smile, his eyes twinkling with mischievous light under the lamp. “Maybe he went out to play.”
My aunt said, “Xiao Huo, you’re in your second year of high school now. You need to study hard.”
“Mom,” “Huo Ranyin” said, “don’t worry, he will. He’s not like me, he’s very self-disciplined, isn’t he? You should worry more about me. I messed up again last semester and didn’t get into Class A, so he had to stay in Class E.”
My aunt became anxious, “You brat, you still have the nerve to say that! What’s wrong? Why can’t you perform well in important exams? You can still salvage it now. When it comes to the college entrance exam, let’s see what you’ll do!”
“Huo Ranyin”: “Don’t worry, Mom, I’ll learn my lesson. I won’t do this again next time, especially during the college entrance exam…”
He smiled at me again.
The TV screen went dark, and that insect-like shadow wriggled and crawled on his face.
Of course, he would learn his lesson. Of course, he wouldn’t make the same mistake during the college entrance exam.
Because he had intentionally failed the exam.
I went back to my room.
In the cramped space, the tall, large cabinets loomed over me from all sides, pressing in.
I got into bed, took out the small table, and took out my notebook.
In the notebook with the three characters “Zhou Zhaonan” on the cover, I wrote the name Huo Ranyin.
My name.
My name, borrowed by my cousin, Zhou Zhaonan.
Class A of Qinjiang Affiliated High School was the honors class, a class you couldn’t get into even with money. But where there’s a will, there’s a way. My aunt and the head teacher of the honors class were very good friends. So, for her son who missed getting into the affiliated high school by a few points due to a cold during the middle school entrance exam, she bought an admission ticket.
A ticket of substitution.
He took my name, took my grades that could get me into Class A.
I got his name and walked into his class, Class E, a class mostly filled with students who were a few points short and paid a special fee to get in.
I had agreed to this myself. No matter how good of friends my aunt and the head teacher were, if I hadn’t been willing, the head teacher wouldn’t have dared to do such a thing. It was I who agreed to my aunt.
After the middle school entrance exam, after the class assignments, my aunt was so anxious she couldn’t sleep for several days and nights. Finally, she came to beg me, saying that Zhou Zhaonan lacked self-control. If he went to a bad class and was influenced by bad students, his life would be ruined. She begged me to save my cousin’s life.
She almost knelt down to me.
It was hard for me to refuse.
Ever since my parents passed away, I had been living with my aunt and uncle. Although my parents left a lot of money, it was all in a trust fund that I could only access after I came of age. Taking care of me was a thankless task. The better-off relatives had all passed the buck. Only they finally took me in, from elementary school all the way to junior high graduation. They didn’t abuse me either. After all, I couldn’t watch my aunt kneel down to me.
So I agreed.
My aunt was overjoyed and repeatedly assured me that after my cousin entered Class A, he would definitely study hard, and I would also work hard in Class E. That way, after the end-of-first-year exams, both my cousin and I could be in Class A, a happy ending for everyone.
Unfortunately, after starting school, “Huo Ranyin” never followed her plan.
“Huo Ranyin” did study hard, and his grades improved significantly. But in contrast, he repeatedly came to trouble me. At first, I didn’t understand, but later I figured it out.
When my aunt was begging me, he was hiding in his room, peeking.
The image of my aunt about to kneel was as if he himself was about to kneel.
When my aunt said he “lacked self-control,” it was as if she was saying he “was just not as good as me.”
Hatred was thus planted in his heart, which was already gloomy because of his middle school entrance exam results. This then led him to do that thing—intentionally failing the end-of-first-year exams, letting the name “Huo Ranyin” fall into Class E.
And I, “Zhou Zhaonan,” entered Class A at the end of the first year of high school.
After the exam results came out, my aunt looked a little troubled, but still said, “You are all grown up now and will be getting your ID cards soon. It’s not right to keep swapping names. If someone reports it, my good sister will lose her job. So you should switch back to your own names. Xiao Huo, you work harder. You are very smart. You can get such good grades even without a teacher…”
Zhou Zhaonan finally got to Class A, and Huo Ranyin finally returned to Class E.
On the day the class lists were posted, I saw him. He was in high spirits, smiling and greeting me.
And his sinister eyes were mockingly saying:
The real and the fake, each to their rightful place.
…
Later, at the start of the second year of high school, the classmates who had called me “Zhou Zhaonan” for a semester still called me Zhou Zhaonan, including the teachers. The only thing that changed was probably a light stroke in the archives.
But out of 49 students, with names packed so densely, who would specifically look for the Huo Ranyin hidden in some corner?
Having my name taken away for a period of time was like a part of my body was missing.
Even after getting the name back, that part was still empty, causing the connected areas to twist and change, causing the beast in my chest to sniff out a gap to escape its cage…
I found many reasons for the murderous intent surging in my heart. These reasons seemed completely sufficient for me to hate him for the rest of my life.
But every time I hated him, what I silently chanted in my heart, what I wrote with my hand, was always “Huo Ranyin.”
When I had to get a new ID card for the second year of high school, on a whim, I still wrote the name “Zhou Zhaonan.” This also seemed to foreshadow something.
I stopped writing.
The three characters “Huo Ranyin” in red filled my notebook.
Stroke by stroke, the red was striking, the red was bone-deep.
Perhaps I was just projecting my hatred and disgust for myself onto him.
I hate me.
I hate Huo Ranyin.
The Huo Ranyin who killed his parents in the diary, who should have gone to hell long ago.
